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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Something I’m unsure about with boyfriend, his previous girlfriends and liking naked pictures.

81 replies

Whatisthis83 · 02/02/2021 19:28

I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 months and sometimes something bothers me. I’m probably being and absolute doughnut about it but still it gets to me.

I’ve seen pics of his previous girlfriends and he has also shown me profile pics of girls he has chatted to in the past off dating websites. The other day his phone broke and he used an old phone and it had previous girls pictures on so he showed me. I don’t really want to see these pics. But every single girl he has ever chatted or been with have a particular style...nothing like me. Now I’m curious really why he is with me.

He also likes Pics of naked girls on Facebook and again absolutely nothing like me. He even showed me a pic one of those girls from dating site sent him of her breasts I didn’t want to see that. They all big breasted and I’m not. Too be honest they aren’t tasteful at all. I’m quite a shy person and sexually not into dressing like that and sprawling my legs open.

I’m a bit put off really how he views women and how different I am to what he looks at.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/02/2021 19:35

I would be really put off by how he views women and keeps these images to wank over. What does he think he’s achieving by showing you? Just dump him

Minnie16889 · 02/02/2021 19:38

Wow he sounds vile, i would run like your arse is on fire.
He is deliberately trying to make you jealous and feel insecure, do you really want to be with someone like that? He's a sleeze.
Raise your standards girl Flowers

NovemberR · 02/02/2021 19:39

I'd end the relationship. I don't date dickheads.

You can do better, love.

Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 02/02/2021 19:41

I don’t think he is deliberately trying to make me jealous. Well I’m not jealous because I’m happy being me. I’m just unsure why he is showing me. I feel a little like he is settling when I’m not really his style of women. It really is putting me off tho as it’s sleazy.

OP posts:
visitorfromtheplanetzog · 02/02/2021 19:42

He's making you feel inferior so you start believing you are lucky to have him.

Minnie16889 · 02/02/2021 19:43

He showed you photos of a womans breasts she sent him, if he is not trying to make you jealous- what is he gaining from showing you?

Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 02/02/2021 20:08

I honestly don’t think it’s to make me jealous, he is a little immature and not had many girlfriends so I’m not sure he understands it’s an odd thing to do. All it makes me feel is why he with me then I end up thinking am I being used for now.

I’m also now thinking how many pics does he have and has he a file or something. I a bit creeped out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 02/02/2021 20:10

He is in other ways a nice guy, very thoughtful and never pushed for anything.

OP posts:
Krazynights34 · 02/02/2021 20:13

Just wait OP - he will push for whatever he wants.
Immature is one way to describe him. A downright creep is another

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2021 20:13

He is in other ways a nice guy, very thoughtful and never pushed for anything.

Bullshit. He's not a nice guy, and given you're only 5 months in, he's on his best behaviour, which is shit, quite frankly.

He is a fuckwit of the highest order. Please don't waste another second on him.

BlueThistles · 02/02/2021 20:15

@Aquamarine1029

He is in other ways a nice guy, very thoughtful and never pushed for anything.

Bullshit. He's not a nice guy, and given you're only 5 months in, he's on his best behaviour, which is shit, quite frankly.

He is a fuckwit of the highest order. Please don't waste another second on him.

Agreed 🌺

Ohyesiam · 02/02/2021 20:15

He sounds like a smutty child.

I went out with someone who had no idea how to behave in a relationship, wanted me to know who he was leering at. It didn’t last long.

It goes hand in hand with not realising that women are actually human beings.

category12 · 02/02/2021 20:16

Skeevy.

I'm sure you could do better.

Eckhart · 02/02/2021 20:26

The are unpleasant men in the world. He is one. That's not the problem here. You can only change yourself.

The problem is that you think that you're probably a doughnut for having the feelings that you have. Drop that. Right now. From here on in, respect your feelings. Boyfriend does something you don't like? You tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you're uncomfortable with it. Watch his response. If he is respectful of your feelings, consider staying. If he makes you feel like a doughnut for having your feelings, leave him.

The mistake people make is to think that it matters what the thing is that the partner does that makes them feel crappy. It doesn't. There are laws, and then within that, it's a free-for-all. If you can't bear the way he pours his cereal into the bowl, or if you can't bear that he's having 6 affairs all at once, it's the same: if he disrespects your feelings, he's out. There are no rules except your own.

You're not a doughnut. You are a person with feelings. That's what you're meant to be. In the nicest possible way, you're just the same as everyone else: you have your preferences and your dislikes. Respect them. They are the core of you. They are what makes you you. They are who you are.

Wishingwell75 · 02/02/2021 20:37

Hi OP, I don't mean to sound harsh but you posted for advice and you're getting it! Mumsnet is full of strong, intelligent, interesting women, more than a few of us have dated a dickhead or two in the past. Please don't look for ways to excuse this icky behaviour, no matter how nice he "can" be.... sometimes. Either he is trying to make you feel jealous or insecure or he's intimidated by you and is trying to show he's had a lot of sexual relationships with Instagram models. Do you actually know for sure these are his ex gf's? He's very immature. Finally, if you still have doubts - what would you say/feel if your best friend was telling you this about a manchild she was dating? Or your younger cousin or your daughter? Yeah you would be telling her to run for the hills. The good news is that contrary to popular belief there are decent men out there and you'll probably be able to look back and really laugh at this guy once you gain some perspective!

CuppaZa · 02/02/2021 20:43

He’s a dickhead. Next

GalaKC · 02/02/2021 20:45

Please dump this filthy idiot, if he is this bad in the early days, how do you think it's gonna go once he gets comfortable? You sound like a genuinely nice person and he is taking advantage of it. Many women would not tolerate such wanky behaviour.

Onthedunes · 02/02/2021 20:46

Just thank him.

Tell him thank you for showing me your preferences and conquests, from that I have deducted I am not your type.

Goodbye.

Eckhart · 02/02/2021 20:47

@Whatisthis83

He is in other ways a nice guy, very thoughtful and never pushed for anything.
So you feel you should excuse him for something that you feel is inexcusable?

Murderers are nice sometimes. Abusers are nice sometimes. Psychopaths are nice sometimes.

I'm not saying he is any of these things, but how somebody behaves when you like their behaviour isn't relevant. The success of a relationship depends on how often they exhibit behaviour you don't like, how badly you don't like it, and how they respond when you communicate to them clearly that you don't like it.

NotaCoolMum · 02/02/2021 20:48

@visitorfromtheplanetzog

He's making you feel inferior so you start believing you are lucky to have him.
Yep.
TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 02/02/2021 20:48

I honestly don’t think it’s to make me jealous, he is a little immature and not had many girlfriends so I’m not sure he understands it’s an odd thing to do

He is either a teenager or a creep. Dump him.

BananaPop2020 · 02/02/2021 20:51

Bin him. This will get worse, not better.

Mamagotskills · 02/02/2021 20:54

If he’s any older than 18 he’s not naive, he’s a dick. When you ask why he’s showing you what does he say? I’d run for the hills

Countingthebeat · 02/02/2021 21:14

He thinks women are fucktoys . This is not just immaturity it’s mysogyny . He’s not a nice guy

EarthSight · 02/02/2021 21:55

Ummm, sorry - why the fuck is he liking photos on Facebook???? It's not like reading a magazine is it, or looking at a famous actress. I assume he'd be able to message & contact them if he wanted. Are you are they're not on OnlyFans? It sounds like a massive liability to me.