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Original poster

Something I’m unsure about with boyfriend, his previous girlfriends and liking naked pictures.

81 replies

Whatisthis83 · 02/02/2021 19:28

I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 months and sometimes something bothers me. I’m probably being and absolute doughnut about it but still it gets to me.

I’ve seen pics of his previous girlfriends and he has also shown me profile pics of girls he has chatted to in the past off dating websites. The other day his phone broke and he used an old phone and it had previous girls pictures on so he showed me. I don’t really want to see these pics. But every single girl he has ever chatted or been with have a particular style...nothing like me. Now I’m curious really why he is with me.

He also likes Pics of naked girls on Facebook and again absolutely nothing like me. He even showed me a pic one of those girls from dating site sent him of her breasts I didn’t want to see that. They all big breasted and I’m not. Too be honest they aren’t tasteful at all. I’m quite a shy person and sexually not into dressing like that and sprawling my legs open.

I’m a bit put off really how he views women and how different I am to what he looks at.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/02/2021 09:11

If he hasn't grown up by 31 he never will

You are making excuses for him. That really isn't the actions of a feminist. Have a good think about how many of your core beliefs you are compromising to stay in a relationship with this guy. What would you say to a friend in this situation ?

depopsa · 03/02/2021 09:16

31?! You talk about him as if he's a wayward teenager. Of course he knows that he is making you feel bad. And on the small chance he doesn't, he's a complete idiot. Both reasons for walking away.

category12 · 03/02/2021 09:25

Your feminism doesn't run too deep if you're making excuses for him like he's naive, young (31?!), and grew up with girlie mags.

Is he not a sentient human being in 2021? Why are you overlooking your own values for the sake of cock?

Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 09:32

Yes you are all probably right. I’m not with him for cock, like I said there are other very good points about him. Just not this point.

It’s obviously becoming a problem because I’ve asked for advice. Regardless of the motive behind it (which I believe is immaturity) he still looking at naked women and degrading them which I’m clearly struggling with so need to act.

OP posts:
Illy605 · 03/02/2021 09:42

I’d be running for the fucking hills.

You’re 5 months in and this is the side of him he is showing you?!

Reminds me of an ex who used to do similar things. I was the most confident I’d ever been before I met him, really honestly liked myself. It didn’t take long for him to change that and I’m still trying to regain that confidence years later.

Do yourself a favour and get him shot to fuck.

Etinox · 03/02/2021 09:42

@Whatisthis83

So I shouldn’t be ok with him looking at women on Facebook or women on porn. I never know what is acceptable. Well I know it makes me feel a bit urgh.
Do the Freedom Programme. What you’re describing is low level but really lame behaviour on his part and it’s interesting that you can’t see it.
Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 09:44

I think what I’m confused at is why he attracted to me when I’m so different from his taste. I’m not jealous In the slightest, all his previous been grungy women, kind of trainers and joggers and job seekers (I’m not saying that’s bad) it’s not me at all. He is from a very nice family. His taste it seems is sleazy so why me? I think he is punching (hahahaha) obviously I found out after spending time with him and developing feelings as he has good points. I liked those good points.

OP posts:
category12 · 03/02/2021 10:13

If you like him that much, talk to him about it and see how he reacts. If he's "immature" or whatever, then it's an opportunity for growth for him, isn't it?

If he's all defensive and tells you you're too sensitive or all blokes do this or previous girlfriends have been fine with it, then you know he's an arse.

His attitude to women is pretty crucial to a long term relationship, don't you think? Overlooking it and being the "cool" girlfriend might work in the short term, but in the long run, it'll be the killer.

Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 10:19

@category12 this sounds about right. In the short term it’s yuk in the long term it’s a No. But considering he has no issues looking at women now and he has me then it’s not looking good. It’s putting me right off despite the good points.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 10:42

I’ll be honest lately it has made me want to cover up my body in front of him as I feel like I’m being compared and my body does not compare to topless models. So yeah I guess it is getting to me. I’ve never shown him a single male body so he has nothing to compare himself too.

OP posts:
category12 · 03/02/2021 10:49

He's got to go then, doesn't he? He's eroding your confidence, intentionally or not.

Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 11:12

Yes it has I guess. But only in the sense of he is getting off looking at totally different women to me so what does he see in me. Not that I’m unattractive but he doesn’t like women on social media who have my body type.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisthis83 · 03/02/2021 11:14

He may and I assume he does find me attractive but viewing all these women I can’t get out of my head.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/02/2021 12:43

I don't think we can help you as you seem determined to assist him in measuring yourself against other women.

Pegsonstrings · 03/02/2021 12:51

After my appalling experience wit men, and due to my olg age I can tell you tgis OP. The reason he is with you is because you are a safe zone. He would never be with one of these women for various reasons and one being they are not safe. He would be jealous of any man sniffing around them and also he would have to up his own sordid lack of style to keep them. This isn't on you but you really should ask yourself what you would advise your best friend if they posted your post on here, really you have got more wits than this. He isn't a good man, although I am sure he convinces you otherwise. Stop taking him on his face value, step away and really look at him objectively, can you wholeheartedly say he is a great addition to your life with all that?

Pegsonstrings · 03/02/2021 12:52

Apologies for the spelling mistakes

Pegsonstrings · 03/02/2021 12:55

I am so angry that you allow his awful ways to affect your body confidence, please take it from me, that you are teaching this man how he can treat you by the things you allow

Weirdfan · 03/02/2021 13:08

I think what I’m confused at is why he attracted to me

Why do so many of us turn an obvious fault with a man into something wrong with us? It's crystal clear from an objective viewpoint that this isn't about you 'not measuring up', it's about him being sleazy and misogynistic but you seem determined to make it about what might be wrong with you. I'd be having a think about why that might be if I was you OP.

Eckhart · 03/02/2021 13:21

Because you are insecure, you are blaming your body for his failings. Stop.

He is making you feel like shit about yourself. That's the salient thing here. That's the thing that needs to change. And you can't change him, so all you can do is be away from him. Which, if you think about it, is what you're doing instinctively by covering up in front of him.

It’s putting me right off despite the good points

You can't have a relationship based on each other's good points. If you could, everyone would be compatible with everyone. We all have lovely good points. What's important is how compatible we are when things go wrong.

How do you feel about his behaviour when you've told him how you feel about this issue? Has he reassured you, and laid the issue to rest with a suggestion that's satisfactory to you both?

Wanderlusto · 03/02/2021 14:02

I'm sure Hitler had good points. He was a great public speaker, an artist and I think looked after his sick mother. He was also Hitler.

Nasty abusive shits all have good points, otherwise women would never date them. He knows exactly what he is doing and is counting on you making excuses like 'oh maybe he is just immature or not considering the way him showing me these pictures would make me feel'.

hat's how they trap you. They play upon your niceness and then your insecurities. News flash, NO ONE is THAT immature.

Because you're a normal, nice human being it would never enter into your head that someone you like would be doing these things deliberately to bring you down. Unfortunately there are a lot of men who do this.

Normally these sorts give comments about how pretty/stylish/cool other women are (the ex/a girl from work/a woman on tv). Your one is extra blatant about it.

Run for the hills!

TC68 · 03/02/2021 14:29

Sounds like he has no respect for women but more importantly for you. Why on earth would you want to look at those images ? He is insecure and sleazy - you need someone that is going to nurture you and make you feel special

LifeExperience · 03/02/2021 14:51

Looking at porn is a form of cheating. Showing you the porn he's looking at is just...nasty.

Porn is dangerous in the sense that virtually no real woman looks like the perfect, photoshopped images on porn sites and social media. It creates false expectations in men, and low self-esteem in women. It's already started to affect your relationship with your body.

I wouldn't spend another minute with him.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/02/2021 15:28

You can't have a relationship based on each other's good points. If you could, everyone would be compatible with everyone.

They honestly should teach this in schools from primary age onwards - it cannot be said enough!

Also that a man being anything other than palpably, undeniably awful means he is entitled to a relationship with you.

No. No no no.

OP, you're really focused on why he's doing these things rather than focusing on how they make you feel.

They make you feel unhappy, anxious, confused and shit about yourself. It's not a one off. It's not what a decent bloke does.

If you have to teach a man to be decent, he isn't ready for you.

Please throw this one back.

TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 03/02/2021 21:05

I'm confused why you're attracted to him OP.

Honestly, if he hasn't fathomed at the tender age of 31 that being a raging misogynist who views women as wank socks is disrespectful then there really is no fucking hope for him. I presume he does have female relatives in his life??

LindaEllen · 03/02/2021 21:08

Firstly, if his ex girlfriends all had a similar style, and it didn't work for any of them with him, perhaps it's better that you're different .. whatever you mean by that.

Secondly, I would never be with a guy who showed me private photos from previous relationships. Not because I'm jealous or would be horrified at tit pics, but because I like my partners to have the integrity to keep private things private - even (and especially!) if things go wrong between us.