Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

...he's aware that she's 7, right? As in, a young child? It is far from unusual that she can't be left to work unsupervised!

I do tend to think that a lot of parents start out expecting their child to be a little adult. I hear them in the playground saying "you mustn't hit your sister because it's not kind and we don't do hitting so we in our family and she doesn't like it" when they are 2.
But usually they work out that children are, er, children after a few years of parenting them.

OP, you are getting divorced, I really wouldn't involve yourself in his communication with the HT....sit back and smirk, yes...but intervene..nope.

Let him at it.

He has zero self awareness.

I would expect him to be in a new relationship in no amount of time.

Don't involve yourself in his stupid emails don't apologise for him or his actions they are his and his alone!
My 7 year old needs constant help it s only the fabulous constant live lessons from secondary that mean I don't have to do the same for my 14 year old!!

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Yes. Yes, that email is to the head.

He is a senior director of a sizeable business, with a team and a budget.

I am MORTIFIED. I’m going to have to email her aren’t I?

DD1 refused to go into her bed. She’s in mine. Tried my best, but not the hill to die on tonight. Getting attitude in spades off DD2, she’s turned into a right little teenager.

Suggestions for what I should say to the head welcome. She’s lovely, as are the rest of the staff, all their teachers are simply wonderful.

Thank you to those teachers who have taken time to reply on this thread, you have more than enough on your plates at the moment so thank you for taking the time.

Honestly, shaking your head and possibly saying 'It's not me, it's him' in the playground would probably say everything they already know you are thinking.

@RandomMess so sorry about your lovely cat x

I don’t have children but am aghast at the difficulties he claims to having after precisely how many hours of home schooling? He really is a prat.
But don’t engage. The head teacher will be used to dealing with such idiots. You don’t need to get involved. You need to separate yourself from him mentally now, as well as physically. Don’t look at the texts from him, don’t respond, ignore, ignore, ignore. Don’t waste energy feeling sorry for him, he is a man with a Very Important Job, remember, so more than capable of sorting things. He’s conditioned you to respond and take over ... time for you to reprogram!

You could send her an email and say "And that's really why I'm divorcing him.... I'm sorry he's targeting you now, though. You don't deserve it."

I wouldn’t involve yourself in his missives to the HT, unless he implicates you directly, where upon you can clarify that he is speaking for himself and not you. Just leave him to it - give him enough rope, and all that.

Is he Ccing you with these emails to HT ?
I would find an opportunity ag pick ip time, & Thank them & say his emails are his emails, they are having difficulty but the real child is him.

I too am divorcing a ‘Captain of Industry’, @StuckInPollyannaMode

To say they’re domestically inept is an understatement. And I use ‘domestically’ to refer to everything that happens outside their —kingdom— office.

Strike through fail. But you get the gist.

It’s so annoying for you to get all these texts. Can’t he message his friends for support instead?

So he’s basically emailed the headteacher and said he doesn’t like parenting and is therefore making it the schools responsibility... interesting move Geller 🙄

Hope you got some sleep

Could you pop in and see the head? It might be better to have a 10 minute conversation with her rather than trying to convey your thoughts over email. Sometimes it's better to do these things face to face, you can gauge her reaction and change yours to suit the mood.

Re homeschooling, I've found with mine, that we do what we do. Some days were really productive and get loads done, other days it's more difficult and we get next to nothing done. Don't sweat things like handwriting. This all comes with time. My dd had really poor writing skills then suddenly, out of no where, it's like a new pin. Just keep swimming is my Motocat the moment.

I'm not sure you need to spend 10 minutes face to face with the HT. A simple "and yet the marriage wasn't a success...." with rolling eyes would convey your message in about 15 seconds.

My goodness, what a damp squib your STBXH is! You'd think he'd be a little more clued up after two previous wives. How on Earth does he manage in the business world - or is he surrounded by "yes" people? Strength to you OP. It's hard, but the more you disengage from him the better for you and your girls in the end - but it's sure not an easy journey after all the years he's been psyching you out. You'll get there though, through your own strength and help of your lovely friends. 🌹

For me, what stands out, is that this is a huge change, for him, and for the children. (Not making excuses for him). But it's understandable that he's having trouble adjusting and figuring it out, and it's understandable that they're having trouble adjusting and figuring it out - not helped by him being an arsehole and making his problems their problems.

The thing is though, he is just going to have to get on, and figure it out, and adjust. Tantrumming to you, to the kids, to the school, isn't going to change his parental responsibilities and the requirement that he finds a way to fulfill them that isn't detrimental to the kids. If he needs help and support, then he needs to find sensible sources of help and support - such as parenting programmes, parenting books, online resources for homeschooling, asking the school for suggestions as to what might help support DD's homelearning, rather than seeking to abdicate it to them.

He might as well face up to it - he is going to have to parent his children.

Don’t speak to the head. You are not responsible for his actions.

She sees what’s going on.

If you talk to her she might feel that you are trying to involve her in your domestic issues.

If he needs help and support, then he needs to find sensible sources of help and support - such as parenting programmes, parenting books, online resources for homeschooling, asking the school for suggestions as to what might help support DD's homelearning, rather than seeking to abdicate it to them

This is a man who is used to having staff. He doesn’t do grunt work and he doesn’t want to learn how to do it.

He wants someone else to do it . Like CJ , he didn’t get where he is today by doing grunt work.

He will keep stropping until he is able to pass the buck. To The school, his ex wife, social services , anyone.

He already tried to get the Ops friends to help.

I’ll bet you a Mars bar that his next suggestion is to hire a tutor. And I agree with the PP who said he will be recruiting for the vacancy ( of wife) as soon as he can.

Well sure he can hire and pay out if his own money for a tutor is that's what he wants to do. Not something for Pollyanna to being involved in apart from consenting to it.

I wouldn't say anything. Silence is far more powerful in response to the game he's playing.

God he is an arse. My DS is 6 and requires full supervision during home schooling. Your ex is having a sharp taste of reality when parenting children.

Wonder when he’s going to realise that nobody’s going to take over for him on his days unless he outsources this, and nobody’s going to volunteer to do this either. He sucks it up, or puts his hands in his pockets. Such a dilemma.... must be keeping the poor darling awake at night. If (on that cold day in hell) he decides he’ll pay someone, he’s going to try and get @StuckInPollyannaMode to organise that for him as well. (But she won’t.)

To be honest I don't see what he has done so wrong really and find these threads to be a bit mean. I mean it sounds like he prioritised work and op has become bored of him which is fair enough but this thread just seems a bit off. I've seen other threads very similar to this and thought the guy deserves it but actually this one just seems a bit different. I kinda feel sorry for him

@Horehound

To be honest I don't see what he has done so wrong really and find these threads to be a bit mean. I mean it sounds like he prioritised work and op has become bored of him which is fair enough but this thread just seems a bit off. I've seen other threads very similar to this and thought the guy deserves it but actually this one just seems a bit different. I kinda feel sorry for him

So either you haven't read both threads in full, or you are OK with OP's STBXH hiding assets and verbally abusing his DDs. Well, you're entitled to your opinion.