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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t mention the jasmine!

962 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 31/01/2021 10:47

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

OP posts:
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RandomMess · 02/02/2021 14:20
Thanks

You are doing really well.

Dare I guess it's the Mums he is messaging because it women's work isn't it.

Perhaps you should reply to some of his messages "do you not have anything positive to say about the girls? How do you think that makes them feel?"

pointythings · 02/02/2021 14:44

Having a physical reaction isn't unusual, Pollyanna. Your body is getting rid of all the stored-up stress and misery of years. It's a detox in every way, and it will pass.

Apart from that it's clear that you're doing great and he really isn't. That's on him - he's had years to learn all this stuff and just hasn't bothered because It's Someone Else's Job.

katmarie · 02/02/2021 14:46

Interesting that he's messaging other women for support. Whatever you do don't let them reel you in to supporting him, and don't say sorry for his behaviour. It's not your job to smooth things over for him any more. Enjoy your cuddles with the girls. I told my ds the other day that the best thing about being a mommy is all the cuddles I get, and it's true.

ContessaDiPulpo · 02/02/2021 14:52

Perhaps you should reply to some of his messages "do you not have anything positive to say about the girls? How do you think that makes them feel?"

I would suggest not replying to him, he's got to be weaned off you as emotional support. I would ask the parents he's been contacting if he ever says anything positive about his kids though, out of interest - then they'll see it as well.

Memom · 02/02/2021 15:01

I'm no expert, just a Mom. If PDA is possible a fabulous book to share with your kids is 'Can you see me?' By Libby Scott and Rebecca Westcott. Our daughter is just 9 and highly likely PDA, when we shared this book she thought it was written about her. It's a real insight.

Just have to say you're doing amazingly! Thanks

Mix56 · 02/02/2021 16:02

Have you seen the "Homeschooling is impossible" trending thread ?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 02/02/2021 18:13

@katmarie

Interesting that he's messaging other women for support. Whatever you do don't let them reel you in to supporting him, and don't say sorry for his behaviour. It's not your job to smooth things over for him any more. Enjoy your cuddles with the girls. I told my ds the other day that the best thing about being a mommy is all the cuddles I get, and it's true.
Probably trying to manipulate them to say 'why don't we form a childcare bubble and I'll have them at mine all day?'.
Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/02/2021 18:29

Just diving on to say the head has replied. And it’s a corker! I love it.

Not going to put it here as that’s not fair, but it starts with ‘Oh dear... I’m sorry you are struggling.’ and ends with a promise to respond by the end of the week as she is rather busy at present due to a shortage of staff.

I saw her at pick up today and she smiled at me and wiggled her eyebrows to ask if I was ok. I gave her a smile and a thumbs up.

I think she might have seen through him😂

OP posts:
mbosnz · 02/02/2021 18:33

It rather sounds like she has - I imagine she's seen a few Gellars in her time Grin

RandomMess · 02/02/2021 18:38

That is so funny GrinGrinGrinGrin

NettleTea · 02/02/2021 19:25

I told you
Once you manage to emotionally disengage he is going to provide hours of amusement

IM0GEN · 02/02/2021 19:33

Just heard from 2 other parents - friends of mine more than his - that he is obviously really struggling and is messaging them. I feel sorry for him but he's not my problem any more, I need to focus on the kids and minimise the impact on them

Didn’t he do something similar when you told him you were leaving? I mean contact your friends / family to try to rope them in ?

BrowncoatWaffles · 02/02/2021 19:36

The head's response is glorious. I also love that she's identified he is struggling not the girls.

billy1966 · 02/02/2021 20:26

So funny OP.
Very helpful that she "see's" him.

Agree with @NeverDropYourMoonCup...probably hoping another little women would take over the tedious job of rearing his children.🙄

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/02/2021 20:31

OMG.

He has replied!! Whoever said hours of entertainment was right - it’s absolutely incredible

OP posts:
Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/02/2021 20:32

I had DD1 this morning.

We didn't start well, we then came off the call for 30mins, but we rattled through her maths homework (handwriting left much to desire, but the knowledge was there). We rejoined, again rattled through the online maths, which once she'd got the hang of subtraction was then a doddle. We had a high-energy break at 10.30am, fruit, water and a lot of bouncing around the house. That improved the mood for the following session, and she dealt with that session quite well. But, to be clear, I am literally overseeing it all minute by minute - can't leave her.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/02/2021 20:35

I am so embarrassed on his behalf. He has no clue, utterly no clue that he needs to get on and deal with stuff and it isn't anyone else's job.

Mix56 · 02/02/2021 20:47

God that man needs to grow up.. He has grown up children & 3 X wives....It is shocking that he is trying to make this everyone else's problem & get sympathy salvation

justilou1 · 02/02/2021 21:10

I was going to say that he is guilt-tripping your friends in an attempt to outsource the homeschooling. What an utter arse!

Sunbird24 · 02/02/2021 21:10

He replied to the Head Polly? Blimey, he’s clearly not taken the hint that she has more important things to do than deal with a neurotic man-child who can’t cope with home schooling one of his own offspring!

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/02/2021 21:25

Yes. Yes, that email is to the head.

He is a senior director of a sizeable business, with a team and a budget.

I am MORTIFIED. I’m going to have to email her aren’t I?

DD1 refused to go into her bed. She’s in mine. Tried my best, but not the hill to die on tonight. Getting attitude in spades off DD2, she’s turned into a right little teenager.

Suggestions for what I should say to the head welcome. She’s lovely, as are the rest of the staff, all their teachers are simply wonderful.

Thank you to those teachers who have taken time to reply on this thread, you have more than enough on your plates at the moment so thank you for taking the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/02/2021 21:28

You’re right @IM0GEN I’d forgotten that. Yep, lots of whinging and bemusement.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/02/2021 21:28

I wouldn't reply, the HT will respond in an appropriate manner.

RandomMess · 02/02/2021 21:29

All this "reaching out" is so he has an audience for him to perform to.

drspouse · 02/02/2021 21:33

I am literally overseeing it all minute by minute - can't leave her.
Diddums.
My (grown up) DH did DD home ed today. She did play for a bit but other than that, yes, you supervise.