Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

Has Geller found this thread and changed his name to Horehound?

@Horehound - this is effectively a support thread for the Op who has just separated from her husband and moved house with her two young children. In the middle of a pandemic when RL support is thin on the ground and parents are struggling to work and home school their children.

It's not a support thread for her ex. That would be a good place for you to offer your sympathy for him, and to find other like minded people who will agree with you.

Out there , beyond MN, is a whole big world, real and virtual, where the feelings and opinions of men must always come first. Their needs and wishes are always prioritised and everything is evaluated in that framework. You will easily find others who share your views.

Jeez calm down. No I haven't read every single comment because it's three threads long so that's 3000 comments...

Didn't see he had hidden assets :o

Argh I meant that to be a shocked face not a smiley one!

I mean you’re more shocked that he hid his assets rather than the fact that he is horrible to his daughters which kinda says a lot tbh

Oh and if you press ‘See All’ under the OP you can see all of Polly’s posts

I haven't read the comments of what he said to his daughters is I have no clue 🤷 doesn't say anything tbh... If he was an abuser, even emotional, she should go to police though

She did Horehound.....

Oh ok I'll eat my words then. Sorry!

Did you read any comments Horehound or did you just decide to add a random comment.

The thing is, the moment an OP links to a previous thread in the opening post, you know there's a backstory. So read that first and then decide to comment - this helps you post something that is relevant and helpful rather than random.

@IM0GEN IOU a mars bar. Yes, he has suggested a tutor. Well, expanding their current tutor to more than an hour a week.

@ByeByeMissAmericanPie it's good to know I'm not alone!

@Horehound I"m sorry you think it is mean. But yes, there is a back story, going back for a couple of years now and trust me, I tried. I tried so hard.

I haven't emailed the head. I'm not going to. She's savvy and clever enough to know what is going on.

I've had an hour with my solicitor this morning and I'm so tired. His constant messaging is so wearing, even though I'm not engaging. Agreed a way forward and the messaging is going to be addressed in her letter to him. We're accepting the equity deal but the pensions and bonuses are to be dealt with separately, and also going for spousal until the children go to secondary. He's not going to like it.

Posted the cake off to my DM and I'm going to lie on the sofa in front of the fire and watch Bridgerton to escape reality before pick up. It's raining - again.

@Clutterbugsmum did you make comments to me?

I am just exhausted reading about his pointless messaging you, no more wonder you need to relax and switch off.

I’ll PM you my address for that Mars Bar .

Well done on KOKO. Meeting with solicitor is yet another exhausting but necessary step as you know.

I suspect that his reaction to the lawyers letter about the messaging will be to never contact you at all about the children. Especially when they are with him. He will want to punish you for setting boundaries.

Will you be Ok with hearing nothing about the children or do you need to buy them a cheap mobile so they can get in touch with you if necessary? Or would he use that against you?

You are right to go for as good a settlement as you can, for the children’s sake. Start high and it gives you something to negotiate with.

Keep remembering all these times you were short of cash while he was stashing it into his pension.

Also bear in mind that he will soon be onto wife number 4 who may have kids or be young enough to have kids with him. So in the long term you want the resources to be able to support your girls through uni etc .

My friend’s 18 year old DD couldn’t accept a place at a very prestigious uni hundreds of miles from home because her divorced mum ( part time teacher) couldn’t afford all the parental contribution.

Her father ( a senior partner in a law firm probably earning over £200k ) “ couldn’t commit “ to supporting her - apparently he didn’t know what his plans would be over the next three years with his new GF. .

The daughter ended up taking up another place at a local university where she could stay at home and keep her costs low. That was a couple of years ago - now the children ( all over 16) have nothing to do with their father.

I’m sure everyone who works with him thinks he’s lovely. He and his ex were married for 15 years and she went part time to support his career.

My friend had a solicitor who kept urging her to “reasonable” and “fair” and friend was very worried about annoying him and so asked for the least amount possible. She wanted to be “ amicable” so he would continue to see the children ( who were early / mid teens at the time ).

That worked out well .

I have spent a couple of hours reading your previous threads and just reading about this plonker makes me feel stressed! How you don't batter him to death with a frozen leg of lamb is a miracle worth alerting the Vatican to quite honestly. Hells bloody teeth!

The kids will be so much happier when you are all settled into a routine and you get head space away from him. You are a saint!

The divorce process is emotionally exhausting. There's no avoiding it, particularly when one party is determined to be an arsehole. It's like a series of horrible bush tucker trials but then it's over and done with.

Big hand hold and virtual tea, cake and sympathy.

He can pay for extra tuition on his days, good idea...
Go for as much as you can. You deserve it

@Sicario is right.

My DBro has been through similar and suggested you just keep ‘Your Eyes on The Prize’.

By all means focus on the shit going on now, but know that, post divorce... you’ll be FREE!

I'd love to know what the head is saying about him behind closed doors...

Hope you're ok @StuckInPollyannaMode glad you've seen you shl and hopefully the messaging will calm down after he gets the letter. Hope your dm likes the cake!

He's only being dramatic and saying she will be a failure and taken away because he wants you to agree so you can both pressure the school to take both girls in, thus freeing him up to get his precious work done.

He can mention a tutor all he wants, he will still be supervising both of them as it will be online rather than in person.

I know it's stressful with all the change, but has your general mood improved since leaving?

Hi folks

Been trying to have a day of being ‘present’ with the kids rather than on my phone. Worked in patches 😂 we’re now watching tv in separate rooms

I’m slowly getting there with my mood. Had a dance round the kitchen this afternoon and I honestly can’t remember the last time I did that. I’m still desperately tired and going to sleep early and waking up stupidly early. Still a bit snappy with the kids. They are grumpy but better than they were. Still very clingy and demanding. We’re all a work in progress...

Ordered lots of yummy fruit in my food order, now just got to eat it before it goes off! Might have overreached myself with 4 mangoes...suggestions welcome.

Stories like the one about your friend absolutely terrify me @IM0GEN. I have been sending him one picture a day whilst I have them, and he does the same, that’s what we agreed.

Just spent the gross GDP of a small country on Lego for half term.

Snowdrops are out and daffodils won’t be far behind. We’ve had a walk and a bike ride, done some jobs, and tonight it’s Masked Singer. A nice supper is in the oven and I’ve decided I want to start dancing again, I used to go to salsa and ceroc and reeling but he hated all that so I haven’t done it in years. Sure there must be something online. Just deciding that has made me happier!

Mmmmm, mango.

Makes a really great cheesecake if they're going overripe!
allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/12553/no-bake-mango-cheesecake.aspx

I'm baking up a storm these days, have discovered an epic gluten free baking website and so far everything I've done from it has been both easy and completely successful.

Being present is great. And give it more time for all your moods to settle, you're recovering from years of crap. Yy to taking up dancing again, even if online for now!

OP, I've lurked on all your threads (and I'm in awe of you) but with regards to your mango situation - they're great sliced into a salad of baby leaves, plus some roughly torn mozzarella cheese and Parma ham. Dressing just something simple like a vinaigrette. It's a huge favourite in our house when we do a raclette (but that's optional!).