Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

Hi Polly
Longtime lurker here, but not posted much as you have so much great advice already.

However thought this one calls for a reminder of the famous Royal Family motto (although apparently coined by Disraeli) which always without fail serves as a useful tactic when in the unfortunate position of dealing with unreasonable self-absorbed twats in life:

Never complain, never explain

I also quite like this, apparently from Elbert Hubbard - Never explain―your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway

Also very relevant when dealing with twats claiming to "speak to the village" 🙄

Thank you lovely @RandomMess
Will definitely try that. Last time I got a sports bra I couldn't get it on. It was like a hippo trying to squeeze into a leotard.

Well the sleeping isn’t going too well. Obviously. DD1 has, of course, gone to sleep in her own bed tonight for the first time in a month.

@Sicario when I started c25k (is excellent, highly recommend, get your music on and get going to Sarah Millican!) I used to wear 2 sports bras - one over the other. Yes, you need to wrestle your way into them - in my case like a sausage going back into the tube - but the difference a proper sports bra makes is incredible. My ultimate goal is to buy ones that zip up the front so I can stop dislocating my shoulders. I have several from sports direct and decathalon (LOVE decathlon) as I refuse to pay masses for them. I kind of bend and scoop my boobs into it, hoick them up - they are pretty much strapped under my chin holding my head up 😂

I don’t even think it merits a response does it? I mean, he’s quite clearly bonkers. That’s not even the most explosive bit! I’m torn between finding it over the top and funny or angry that he thinks that he can once again bully me into what he wants.

Never complain, never explain.

Repeat until asleep...

@Catmaiden hope the cat recovers quickly! Why should you help? They’ve got it covered, right?!

It'll piss him off a thousand times more if you grey rock him, and focus on the girls in the morning. Don't let him see that he's bothered you, you have us to vent to, and your shl to take action for you. He has him and his delusions. You've definitely got the winning team.

The best sports bra for huge boobs and high impact sport is Enell. They are extremely ugly but they stop the bounce.

enell.com/

Ooooh they both were so cross I didn't step in.!

@StuckInPollyannaMode - my scenario is very similar WRT mentioning ‘the village’ and threatening behaviour about sullying my name within said village.

And also threatening to turn the (almost adult) DC against me because he’s not got his own way over something in the finances.

STBEXH is still in the village on his own. He’s always been rude or shown entitled behaviour to a lot of people, most of which I didn’t know about...

He now continues in his rude and arrogant way to the point where he’ll be barred from the local pub when they reopen, and I’m busy walking with my village friends most days, maintaining friendships and links with the village.

They all know what a twat he is. People aren’t stupid.

Just be patient. Give it time. It’s early days. And keep the moral high ground.

Always!

I'm finding the whole process of change very difficult, but between this and the letter from the solicitor, I really wonder what's going on

My reply would be

" Well the long and the short of it is I'm divorcing you. If you are finding that difficult to understand I could ask the solicitor to put it in simple basic English for you, with pictures if that would help"

I don’t even think it merits a response does it? I mean, he’s quite clearly bonkers.

This is perfect response, just because HE says/write something doesn't mean he deserves an answer. Just keep them in a separate folder in case you need them for your lawyer.

Just make sure the DC have everything they need for their time with him, say goodbye, and tell them you hope have a good time with him and leave. If you must say anything to him I would just reiterate that you are at work today and will not answer any call/e mail from him unless it is an actual emergency.

I have to say it's funny how he thinks by saying how he thinks what happens in YOUR friends lives will have an effect on you. Does he not have any of his own friends which he 'may' have a better idea of what actually happening their lives.

Hope drop off goes well and enjoy your run and yes just totally ignore him

I have some fab m and s sports bras that zip up at the front. Wouldn't struggle with anything else without a front zip now! You could also try a 'boob band' over the top @Sicario.

I am definitely in the ignore camp. You do not need to justify yourself or spell anything out to him. He knows. He is just trying to tie you up in knots and get into your head again to get you back in your box.

Enjoy your run!

I wonder if it's just yet another message to try and engage you in his ridiculous venting as you have shut down other avenues. You can't help himself.

Whole process of change difficult, doesn't know what's going on .....this isn't his first divorce is it

@wifterwafter

Whole process of change difficult, doesn't know what's going on .....this isn't his first divorce is it

😂😂😂😂

GREAT run! Slow, but did 33 minutes without stopping! Quite annoyed with myself I didn't do a little bit more - Strava shows I did 2.74 miles. I like a nice round number :) But pleased with myself.

Handover was fine. He was all set to be Eeyore and I was all bright and breezy. The kids asked if he could take them to the park after school - he can't, because he's got a meeting, so they can play at his. Cue disappointment 'but it's a nice day, Daddy'. Just goes to show, eh?

He also clearly thought that he was just going to be able to hang out at mine for 10 minutes with the kids but I was all 'Come on, shoes on, don't hang around' and he said 'well, I suppose we could watch a YouTube video in the car or something to pass the time'. Time with your CHILDREN, you numpty.

I'm still cross about the email but pleased that I managed to style it out this morning.

Interesting about M&S zip up sports bras, I'll try those!

Why on earth would he think they'd be hanging out at yours he is such a colossal oddity. Speaks volumes about his desire to have more time with them!

Well done on the run, excellent work! It's sunny as well (it is here anyway) and I always suffer in the sun so am impressed

He completely sees that you and your home are there for him.

He does not set foot in your house again. Always bright and breezy. He rings on the doorbell you tell him you'll send the DC out when they are ready. Do the same when you pick up/drop off at his.

I cannot press on you enough that you need this strict separation of homes and lives with you. You need rock solid boundaries urgently. Things can be different but far far far in the future.

Hmmm my new running bra is a zip one. My eyesight is so shit I daren't take it on or off if DH isn't home. As well as the zips it has 2 hooks which makes it far easier to do up BUT with my varifocals on or off I can't see them 😂😂😂😂😳😳😳😳 I'm sure I will get the hang of it eventually!

I used to keep my email responses down to once every two weeks. Otherwise i found I was expending so much energy in responding tit for tat.

And you know at the end, the small things ex was saying to get at me didn't matter. He was scrabbling around in the gutter trying to find words to hurt me regardless of the voracity behind those words.

He was kind of deflated when I just utterly ignored the rubbish and concentrated on what mattered. for me it was the finances and the children's contact. Everything else was designed by him to make me lose focus.

As an aside I'm almost tempted to take up running. Almost... (does thinking about it use up calories?)

I too am amazed he doesnt understand whats going on, especially as this is third time unlucky for him.

Just ignore all his guff. his me me me stuff is to be ignored the same as his 'oh the girls are arguing' guff - it is all designed to draw you back into discussion with him, and you have been clear - nothing but a hospital requiring emergency is of interest to you

And more than 'he wont want to come on holiday - NO. He is not even going to be considered/asked/invited. He will have his own time to take the girls on holiday - he has not rights and should have no expectation of him piggybacking yours. Dont even think for one second that he should.

and thanks people for bra advice. Ive gained horrible weight and have given up on bras altogether, and have had no luck at all in finding anything halfway comfortable without wires that Im going to inevitably need once we have to start interacting with real humans again soon

You need to get through to yourself:

HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Nor is he some lost little bumbling guy - he is an astute senior position person with important job so absolutely capable.

He is a THIEF he as stolen:

Joint money
Joy
Happiness
Your time
Your career
Being a supportive partner
Being a supportive Dad

Get angrier woman!!

Ah sorry - might have mislead you all with the holiday - it's one we had booked with friends last year and rolled over to this year. So he was involved from that.

I didn't let him in - he was on the doorstep.

You know what, a bit of time since the email and I'm now just thinking you sad little man. I don't know what he thought would happen, that I would just roll over and accept it all. A friend has suggested I hire a skywriting service to spell it out to all and sundry

I'm not worried about him wittering about me unless it's completely wrong. The people who need to know, know. The truth is halfway between what he says and what I say, I know that. Everyone else doesn't matter. But if he goes too far, yes he will get the full force of my wrath. And surely I'll find out from the kids if he's not been nice about me.

@NettleTea try a bralet from Sainsburys! They were my saviour during pregnancy and for a couple of years afterwards I am actually thinking of getting some more for days when I need something but can't quite face a full on bra! @RandomMess I struggle to do my catches at the back, so I do it up first then wrestle my way into it - might be worth a shot?

@frazzledasarock do it! It's an absolute pain and I'm still not sure if I actually enjoy it - but it's practically free and helps me tone up no end. I can't wait til the kids go back full time and I can run at least 3 times a week. I got into it with a friend and it's so much easier when you've got someone to talk to or great music to listen to. @Sicario I meant to say, don't aim to go too fast to begin with, that's what puts you off. Just a light jog til you can do the time. Then you can work on speed and distance.

@customwatkins how were the gnocchi? Are you still talking to me?!

@RandomMess you're right!

Sainsbury’s has front-zipping crop tops in black, white and grey. Removable thin padding for whether or not it’s cold out! I wear them for work, seriously comfortable.

Back to Geller, you’re doing great @StuckInPollyannaMode, and it will get easier the further along you go. Why did they need to sit in the car & watch YouTube or something rather than leaving straight away?