Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

He can tell you as much and often as he wants what he thinks is going to happen. You don't have to agree and you don't even need to tell him that, leave it to SHL to set out your formal offer along with the paper trail of reasons as to why 50:50 is not in the DC best interests.

Also spousal maintenance is not determined on contact because it's about him supporting you as he is a high earner. Also as he is a high earner even with 50:50 often child maintenance is still payable.

You know it's about the money but you need to fight it because you know it's not in the DC best interests and in mediation didn't he agree to 60:40 or similar anyway??? See how he's backtracked? So don't feel bad or guilty by going for far far far more than you agreed to in mediation as he clearly has binned it all. As said up thread you ask for more than you will settle for especially with Gellar as he will then think he's won - remember the bucket!!

Hopefully he now realises that you won't be setting in foot in his home to help him with anything ever again.

Also, the more you ignore him... The more he's going to tant and stomp his widdle footsies. Let him do this, because it makes him look terrible, you look like a grownup, and it creates a paper trail. It totally proves everything you've said about him. After you're divorced, he'll be all tuckered out, realise that throwing his weight around isn't going to work with you anymore, was NEVER going to work with the judge and move on to greener dumber pastures. He will moan and groan to her about all the money he's being forced to throw away (to support his kids) and you probably won't see him anymore.

Also, CUTLERY CONSULTANT? What judge is going to look at that favourably on a guy who thinks that THIS is a good investment when there is evidence that he was secreting money away from his wife and kids for years, for his own nefarious purposes? What does it say about his priorities in a World Health Crisis?

He really doesn't want 50/50 anyway. He will be going back to work, he will gave to do school runs, after school activities, homework, dinner, week ends...
They dont like going there, slowly this will manifest itself to him, they will behave in accordance with their unhappiness, & make life hard.
He has shown he cant manage 50/50 already now when he has virtually no necessity to go out of the house. It is good he has had a try & failed miserably , it will support your argument

After a lot of thought, I have replied.

The essence is :

FUCK OFF

stick with the agreement

FUCK OFF

I was fully dressed whilst typing, and no alcohol had been consumed 😂

If he doesn’t cave or pisses around, wil go straight to SHL.

I have more important things to think about. Like the fact I have a nice clean bed to climb into and that I hung my Laura Ashley mirror today. I got buzzed by a buzzard on my walk today and met three adorable tiny little shits Shetland ponies

Running at 8am.

And breathe. Well done you for getting through a very trying 24 hours.

Also - Shetland ponies are bitey little fuckers.

Yes, Thelwell has s lot to answer for

🥳

Go you!!

Nailled it!

Well done!

Now enjoy tomorrow and don't get bitten by ponies.

Hope you’ve had a good weekend Polly

We made and ate chocolate brownies

Ooh I love chocolate brownies!

I though of you all as I stared into the fridge earlier, waiting for inspiration to strike. I’ve ricotta, marscapone and lots of French style yogurt the kids have decided that they dislike. Any ideas?! Cheesecake? I’ve also 3 egg whites which I’m thinking will convert nicely to a cheese soufflé omelette for lunch tomorrow.

Ran 4 miles this morning! 3 x 10 minute runs plus some walking. Progress.

He had a face like thunder on himself when he dropped off earlier. Could barely look me in the eye. Ha.

Rather upset that over dinner tonight (chicken and gammon pie with roast gnocchi and veg) when I asked the kids whether they’d had a good half term, DD2 instantly shot back with ‘except for you arguing, and you shouting, yes’.

I think I did that twice, in the whole week.

Once was just before dinner - and that was because they were arguing. I didn’t argue, I went in, dealt with it without shouting, confiscated what they’d been arguing about and moved on.

Not looking forward to galvanising the troops for the school run tomorrow. Reminds me, best set an alarm...roll on the BoJo announcement tomorrow.

Kids are smart and they know your vulnerabilities. You need to get them to spell out exactly when you were shouting, and what about. Get them to be specific. “I’m confused? I don’t remember this... can you tell me about it?” Get them to admit that it was once or twice and not all the time, and maybe even that they might have been pushing your buttons? This is behaviour they’ve brought to your place from their father. I bet you jammed up straight away.

I had similar behaviour from my three. It was because I was the one who stayed. I can't offer advice. I did what I needed, at the time. I have such a good relationship with my three now, 10 years later. You keep going Polly, you're doing brilliantly! I wish I'd known about MumsNet back then. Amazing support here for you . Chin up, shoulders back, elbows OUT!

Kids are so clever, they sniff out your insecurities - if you are particularly worried about moods & shouting in your home they'll know that...don't let them manipulate you into undeserved guilt!

On the positive side your DD2 sounds pretty emotionally astute if she's sussed this out, I imagine she's good at expressing her emotions.

I'm trying roast gnocchi for the first time tonight, inspired by you!

Don't feel bad. All kids are selfish little sods who say hurtful things sometimes - they are not able to consider the feelings of adults. Because they're kids.

If it's any consolation, one of the stressed-out mums on MN this weekend confessed she'd told her 4 year old to piss off!

Next time I would laugh and ask if you shouted as much as Daddy...

It could that she is remembering all the shouting of the week most of which is from Gellar... but somehow that's your fault/your job to fix because that is what Gellar has taught them.

The other thing is that they are beasts to the one they know won’t leave. They know that’s you. They are probably anxious and exhaust themselves trying to get his approval (like you used to) because his love and attention is so conditional. He makes that very clear... “If you don’t... I’ll......”etc.... He is a bad man.

Yes, next time (so easy to say in retrospect) laugh, & say "it would be difficult to be heard over your shouting if I didn't shout."
Let's all stop shouting in THIS house.

The problem with asking if they'd had a good half term is that it puts pressure on them to say yes - or no. Maybe a bit better to ask e.g. what's the best thing we did on half term?

Hope this doesn't sound patronising. You are doing brilliantly.

I find my two will remember every time I've ever stuffed up, or got something wrong in minute detail. It's the times I've got it right they seem to have trouble recalling. . . I rather fancy my mother would say the same thing!

I tell them that when they're perfect, that's when they get to demand perfection in others. . .

Also, this would be a chip of their father's block don't you think ???
Negativity is his "thing"

That’s a good point @TheSilveryPussycat, thank you

I will try to remember the rest of everyone’s points the next time! DD2 it’s getting rather uppity and answering back - she’s got an answer to everything. Rather tedious!

@customwatkins how did the gnocchi Helen out?! Strangely nervous!

I’m ignoring my Pavlovian response to a Boris address of pouring a gin - sticking to lime and soda tonight.

Have ended up being suckered into the bed drama and have bought DD1 a bed tent. Bloody ridiculous. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to put her in an actual tent in the garden and lock the door 😂

@Mix56 certainly is! The other day I thought actually DD1 is sounding uncannily like him