Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

What @frazzledasarock said:

I wouldn't be nice during a divorce. Go for the jugular. Go for what is yours and your DC right.

Yes - absolutely- go for more than you think you'll get for you and your girls. Amongst everything else this is a negotiation between you - so when you are tempted to over compromise also remember how he was stashing away hundreds of thousands of ££££ in HIS pension scheme whilst you were struggling financially with even the basics. If you need to, Polly, adopt an Amazon-type warrior princess persona when you need to be particularly strong. Have a great weekend! 🌹

It's sad that its all about money to him. As others have said he's left a massive papertrail showing his weaknesses as a parent

I think it is time to start gathering your army also. I’ll bet he has been doing so behind your back. (Poor, little, helpless man who needs help because he’s been left bereft by selfish wife leaving him all of a sudden, out of the blue, etc....) You need to speak to girl’s teacher and head teacher. You need to let them know (in a nutshell) what he’s like - they will be able to tell- and how the girls are affected when they come home every time they are in his care. Maybe put it in a way that you want some help with techniques going forward to help with keeping them settled and calm in YOUR house, as things are so chaotic and stressful over there. Let them know that you suspect that now that you are not around to deflect his stress, the girls will be frontline, so you suspect that this will escalate during the divorce process, etc.
Your friends.... You need to gather them to you. Warn them of his behaviour.

Keep all the communication as evidence that he really would not cope with 50:50.

Idiot.

Easy to say but try not to worry, this will all work itself out. He won't want 50:50, and he can't cope with 50:50, he's simply retaliating in anger to being served etc and annoyed it's not gone his way. Unlike most normal human beings, he hasn't got angry, but not responded, slept on it and then responded sensibly, it's a knee jerk reaction from him.

One thing to remember, has he asked a question in his ramblings? If not, don't respond, if he has asked a question, see how you can respond with as little words as possible. I used to play this game with my ex. How can I respond with using the least amount of words. 'I'll speak to my solicitor' would normally suffice

Even if he asks a question, it doesn't mean that you have to respond ...

I would be wary of pointing out yet that he wouldn't/couldn't cope with 50:50 as he may stop giving you evidence of not coping and pull out all the stops to be seen to be superdad. We all know that would be a front and wouldn't last beyond an agreement between you as to the division of contact ie he would see it as a means to an end.

Nothing to add to the fantastic advice you're already getting OP, just backing up what PP's are saying about keeping a record of the effect on DD's (definitely do this) and adding my support to your MN army. You're a million times stronger than you realise right now but we can all see your strength as clear as day, you will too when you're free of his bullshit. Til then just keep doing what you're doing, it might not feel like it to you yet but you're getting there

I know you've been trying to keep the school out of it, but it's not a bad idea to explain how the girls are struggling, and could they have a chat with them and maybe get them some counselling.

Bloody bastard. They always get like this. As previous posters have said, it's gloves off time.

There is no point trying to be nice. We all just get walked all over. Happens EVERY time.

I would say don't bother responding to any of his shitty emails, or any other correspondence. The divorce process will run its course and is best left to your SHL.

Sending and definitely and a bit more .

How awful for your DC, to have a father who can not cope with them without sending you loads of increasingly bonkers messages, but then he sees the financial hit and all of sudden he needs it to be 50/50.

Definitely time to stop being nice.

If (in some unlikely quirk of fate) he was awarded 50/50... how long would he last?

agree its all about the money. You luckily have a big paper trail, and also independant evidence via the head of the school that he cant cope.

he is never never going to get 50-50, especilayy if the kids are asked

just as an aside, how much childcare did he do previously - I mean on his own totally, not playing with them while you were around doing all the grunting

I agree, don’t send him any indication that you are rattled or that he obviously can’t cope with 50/50. Let this play out, let him continue to send his this messages and build your case for your DDs. Speak to the school and see if support is available for your DDs. If you must respond to his message it could be a simple as saying “duly noted” and possibly “any proposals regarding the divorce should be sent to my solicitor”. You’ve got this OP 💐

Agreed, keep your cards close to your chest, don't bite back. One word response if absolutely needed, & never respond in pyjamas is such good advise, when you are tired, have had a drink, etc, messages can be sent that make you cringe the next day.
Let him think he is winning, then shoot the Fucker down in flames.

Also, you could be forgiven if you let them stay up late the night before they go to him, OK not on a day they have to do school work

How much is he having the girls now? As in, just him caring/schooling/being at his house overnight? Is it currently anything near 50/50?

I also assume he’s not planning on working from home forever, right? I wonder that plans he has for the girls when he returns to the office?

never respond in pyjamas

❤️ Keeping that nugget of gold!!

@Sithee

I agree, don’t send him any indication that you are rattled or that he obviously can’t cope with 50/50. Let this play out, let him continue to send his this messages and build your case for your DDs. Speak to the school and see if support is available for your DDs. If you must respond to his message it could be a simple as saying “duly noted” and possibly “any proposals regarding the divorce should be sent to my solicitor”. You’ve got this OP 💐

This is good advice.

No rush.
Let it play out.
Don't show your hand.
The longer he has to exhibit his chosen incompetence the better.
Don't be ruffled.
The longer the record you have of his demented ramblings the better.
Try to contain you anxiety about the girls with him.
He doesn't want the girls, why would he?, he doesn't know them.
This is about money.
Please keep reminding yourself about him pleading poor whilst he was hiding money.

You Know who he is.
Please keep reminding yourself of what you know.

Out of interest, how old were his children from former marriage when they divorced ? Did he show his inner paternal instinct lat time?🤣

Last !

Mix56 makes a very good point, which raises some questions. He's done this twice before - has he not seen how it pans out? Has he learned anything from experience? He seems to have little notion of child-wrangling, and as far as I can see, his contact with other offspring is minimal. Did he go for 50:50 contact last time around?
Or were his two previous wives crazy, embittered people who estranged him from his children? (his version)

He’s just not a very fast learner... I suspect he’ll yammer on about money and the evils of @StuckInPollyannaMode, then find some poor sap who will fall for this shit and she will take on the role of PA and he will forget his kids entirely, except for resentfully paying their maintenance and “having to have them” to wheel them out at Christmas, etc...

Very young. To be fair, he has never been rude about his exes, and it’s a very complex situation, which I’m not really comfortable talking about online as really it’s nothing to do with me - please don’t take my reluctance to discuss it as a sign there is anything wrong!

Love the ‘never respond in pyjamas’ advice, will keep that one!

I haven’t said anything yet. Not replied to him at all. Still considering.

He doesn’t ask questions so much as tell me what is happening.

Took the girls to McDonalds yesterday. You’d have thought it was Christmas 😂

Don't reply let him go through the shl. You know it's all about money, you know he can't cope, you have evidence a plenty. Keep your pyjamas on 😉. You got this!