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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t mention the jasmine!

962 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 31/01/2021 10:47

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
MotherofTerriers · 14/02/2021 18:58

OP, please do consider telling him that he should consider a parenting course as they are angelic with you. Apart from anything else, if he starts telling them they behave beautifully for mummy, they may live up to it

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2021 00:54

Reject the call. Message are you shouting at our children again? Have you spoken to a therapist re your anger? You are frightening them.

harknesswitch · 15/02/2021 07:14

Next time he he rings suggest a parenting course as he's obviously struggling - and yes I'd actually say that. Every time he rings up to vent or moan, ask him if he's booked a course yet. You left him for the this behaviour and he's still doing it to you from afar.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 15/02/2021 07:26

They got back yesterday afternoon and within 5 minutes were absolutely stuck to me. Even DD2 who is not a very cuddly child was snuggling, which was lovely, but makes me worried.

I made one of their favourite suppers and we watched High School Musical and Hunchback of Notre Dame.

DD1 kept waking in the night to check I was really there, despite being in the same bed (I made no fuss about it).

Roll on 8th March - it really does sound as if schools might reopen. I don’t care about anything else, I just want them both to be back in. They really need it.

At drop off, he asked if I could cut his hair next weekend?! I just looked at him open mouthed. I don’t think he’ll want me to do that any more after he gets the letter from my solicitor this week 😂

As a complete aside, I think I’m going to give up sugar for lent. I’ve got to start looking after myself better. Having said that, I think I’m going to take the girls to a McDonalds drive through this half term. They’ve never had one and it’s bloody cold and horrid and there’s not much else to do!

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 15/02/2021 07:27

The girls are very lucky to have you Flowers

Lougle · 15/02/2021 08:05

He really hasn't got the idea that you are separated and divorcing yet. Well done you for all you are doing with the girls. Hang in there.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 15/02/2021 08:10

Ah thank you both

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 15/02/2021 08:14

Polly you are doing a wonderful job. You are these girl’s rock, their safe constant.
I really think he’s damaging them and I feel so sorry for them.
Asking you to cut his hair?! The man IS deluded.

justilou1 · 15/02/2021 08:28

For fuck’s sake, he has no idea! Actually... maybe you SHOULD be let loose on his head with some scissors!

RandomMess · 15/02/2021 08:32

You need to point out due to Corona you can't anyway as he isn't your support bubble!!!

RuthTopp · 15/02/2021 09:11

The man is crackers !
Have you told him you acknowledge he is the father of your children and you respect that. But , he is not your friend ?

katmarie · 15/02/2021 09:34

I mean there is a good way to make sure he doesn't ask you to do that again... hairdressing scissors can be very sharp!

I think your girls are going to be clingy for a while, but like you say schools reopening will help, give them stability and structure, and additional support networks. Adjusting to the new normal is going to take time for them and you. If they look back on this period in their lives and remember you being a source of love, comfort and care, that isn't going to do them any harm. And weaning them off sleeping in your bed can be done gently over time.

I suspect that they will vote with their feet eventually on seeing their father, if he doesn't change his attitude, but that is his problem to deal with.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 15/02/2021 09:55

@Lougle

He really hasn't got the idea that you are separated and divorcing yet. Well done you for all you are doing with the girls. Hang in there.
Absolutely this. He's acting as though you'll be going back to him at some point. Well done for KOKO.
Ariela · 15/02/2021 10:07

I'd send him a link to a course on parenting skills, or a page on tips on home schooling every time he complains he cannot cope.

Ohalrightthen · 15/02/2021 12:33

I think it probably makes me a bad person, but i would be giving him the worst fucking haircut known to man. Like, "the only way out is to shave your head" sort of bad.

BrowncoatWaffles · 15/02/2021 12:57

@Ohalrightthen

I think it probably makes me a bad person, but i would be giving him the worst fucking haircut known to man. Like, "the only way out is to shave your head" sort of bad.
Well it'd stop him asking again...!
RandomMess · 15/02/2021 13:02

No he would lament that Polly did a bad job of it so she needs to find him a barber and get him booked in...

He is deeply misogynistic and believes women exists to do his bidding, hence his confusion that his DDs don't perform as he instructs them to.

pointythings · 15/02/2021 13:04

What a clueless numpty he is. Mine asked if he could do laundry at our house after he went because 'his machine was so slow. He wanted to mope and feel sorry for himself. I said no. Haircuts? That's next level special.

Mix56 · 15/02/2021 17:13

"Not happening" should do it

mbosnz · 15/02/2021 17:16

I'd be wanting to cut him off at the neck. What a moron.

Mebbe now is not the time to be giving up on anything?!

billy1966 · 15/02/2021 18:31

OP, I'm curious, approximately what age is this twat of a man who has just been dumped by his 3rd wife....

Grey rocking him with a dead eyed expression is the way to go.

How wonderful OP that you have gotten away.Flowers

billy1966 · 15/02/2021 18:33

His window with the girls will only be a couple of years.

They soon will tire of him and could become withering in their dealings with him. 😁

AnotherKrampus · 15/02/2021 19:00

Followed this on previous account(s) and this man is so bloody annoying, I am outraged on your behalf. Would be tempted to send him a link to a parenting class but there is a chance that this numpty would expect you to book it for him!

How tempting to give him a special haircut... Grin

WeeDangerousSpike · 15/02/2021 20:06

I know the moment has passed, but I think my response to a haircut request would be 'why the fuck would I do that?!' maybe the act of trying to come up with a reason why his hair is any concern of yours (and failing!) would start to bring it home to him that you aren't a unit anymore. Because clearly external evidence (you leaving him and living in seperate houses, for instance HmmConfused ) isn't making it clear for him!

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 16/02/2021 02:31

I have already given him a disastrous haircut, in lockdown 1 I think it was. Cut a swathe with the wrong guard on the clippers - oopsy - he ended up with a buzz cut. Now, that was a genuine mistake. To begin with...

Oh, and he wants me to pop over and put his wardrobe doors on.

He is not my support bubble. I haven’t got a support bubble.

Had a really nice day with the girls yesterday. Lego and trampolining (them not me, really must get to those pelvic exercises you all recommended), roast dinner and The Princess Diaries. No shouting, no arguments, just chilling out. We meant to go for a bike ride but actually no one wanted to go out and I just thought, fuck it.

We’re going for a bike ride this morning and they want me to get back into my running whilst they cycle. Erm...it’s going to hurt.

OP posts: