Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

How dare he be phoning you up

Would the big bed fit in their room instead of their beds?

Then you could sleep in there and sneak out to your room/still have a double for alone time?

Have you tried them sleeping with a white noise machine? Gives the brain something to focus on and covers up the noise of you sneaking out.

I told my girls in my best brisk parenting manner that it didn't matter if they didn't actually fall asleep, lying quietly in bed with their eyes closed was just as good. I would remind them if they started panicking about not falling asleep. It took off the pressure that builds up over not falling asleep and usually did the trick.

I've been struggling to get warm over the last few days - I've found having a shower/bath really helps.

Another vote for a bath, and make sure you blowdry your hair and put a hat on after!

Enjoy having your bed to yourself tonight Polly!

There was wine. And gin. And chats with good friends. And tears and laughter.

Have sooo much work to catch up on tomorrow but first I’m going to do some yoga (my back cricked reaching for my gin tonight, how bad is that) and right now I’m starfished in my nicely warmed bed and going to read a few pages from one of my favourite novels and —pass out— go to sleep

Glad you had a good night. Hope himself is blocked. I honestly think you’re doing so well! I assume you ignored the phonecall as well as the texts, btw? I have a friend about to start same process with very similar (actually worse) man. I am spoken to her about what to expect from her stbex wanker and I am using you as a fine example. I hope you don’t mind, but I plan on showing her your posts, too.

I hope you get some well-earned rest!

What does he hope to gain by 'reporting' them to you? Is he trying to get you to police their behaviour at his place?

It is odd that he thinks you are responsible for this in some way.

Mute him!

Of course I don’t mind @justilou1 - message me if I can help at all

I answered. Mainly cos I was worried he was out of control. I actually said to him what do you want me to do? Apart from come get them in which case it’s a dangerous precedent. He went on and on about how they don’t listen to him, they don’t respect him, other children don’t behave like this, a stream of negativity. He was so angry and frustrated with their behaviour etc.

They’d written him a note to say please stop shouting at us Daddy 😢

He messaged last night to say they’d got through the day. He gets no joy from them at all.

@1WayOrAnother2 I said that to him. He said he was just venting.

He did apologise for interrupting my day.

I’m rather regretting last nights alcohol now. Had a terrible sleep.

I would send him a message again telling him he is the one with piss poor parenting skills and he needs to do some parenting courses and sort himself out and stop blaming young DC for his failings.

Does shed new light on his lack of relationship with older child doesn't it.

OP,
You are a saint.
When you answer a phone call in future and know the girls are safe would you try cutting the call short as in you were just going out etc.

He is using you to vent, you feel anxious and shit about it afterwards, he feels better ...

I really think you have to stop this cycle.
There is NOTHING in it for you, it won't change him and he spoils YOUR day.

He will get used to parenting his children but it can't be to YOUR cost.

Mind yourself.

Honey on buttered toast with a banana is good morning after food.

@StuckInPollyannaMode - I think it would be good for her to see how much better you feel without him in your space!!! (And the girls!) Thanks for your kind offer.
I would have shut the venting down and said that I was too busy. You have to not be available for that anymore.
Any news from friends about whether he’s started expecting more “favour” or overstepping there, like he did with your friend?

Honestly every time her rings, cut him short "so you are phoning me yet again to say you are a crap parent and don't want to spend time with them?"

I think he will soon stop phoning!

Given how little he interacts with his own children, I'm wondering how much basis for comparison he has with regards to how other children behave?

He no longer had the right to vent to you. Tell him to find another post to lean on! (The Samaritans are willing to listen😀).

Get the ‘competition’ going the other way around? Keep telling him him how bemused you are that the DC are such a trouble at his place since they are ALWAYS a delight at yours.

@StuckInPollyannaMode

* They’d written him a note to say please stop shouting at us Daddy* 😢

Really, what an utter fool the man is. Sadly if he goes on in this way his children will realise that too... 🌹

You don’t need to be nice to him any more Polly you can call him out on his bullshit and fucking disgusting behaviour.

Oh and it might be worth updating your SHL on his inability to parent.

Where do they sleep when they are at his house? I assume they don't try & sneak into his bed ...
I would find a one liner & use it every time you feel obliged to reply. ex:
Too busy now
I have work to do
Never mind
Shouting will not help
This is tedious
They are fine with me
Book a parenting course.
Fucking grow up
etc

@Mix56 Polly has said they sleep in with him undoing all her work getting them to sleep alone.

Tell him to send the note home with them ... then save it as evidence...

OK, missed that.

Your poor children. Wouldn't you all be better off with EOW? He's that cheap?!?

When he calls, I'd be asking immediately if it was a serious medical emergency. If not, I'd just hang up straight away

You could do what my DH used to do with a member of his family, prone to ringing up and banging on and on with the histrionics. He just put the phone down with her wittering on, and got on with whatever he was doing. When she eventually caught up, she was most offended. . . but realised that a receptive audience, he was not. . .