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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t mention the jasmine!

962 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 31/01/2021 10:47

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
RandomMess · 10/02/2021 14:08

I am not at all surprised!!

He is incapable of being truthful.

drspouse · 10/02/2021 14:19

Put out a message to all your friends telling them you don't expect them to pander to him and he's being a manchild.
And block his Whatsapp in the daytime!

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/02/2021 14:27

What a twat

MotherofTerriers · 10/02/2021 14:35

Send a message to all your friends explaining that he did this and telling them that there is no way you will ever tell him to ask one of them to do anything for him, and if he claims that you did its a lie

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 10/02/2021 14:36

I called it on the manipulative little shit.

Bet he'll do it to every woman you are friends with that he has contact details for. Not the men, obviously, as that would be weird asking a MAN to do what he thinks is obviously women's work. He'll most likely just try to get them to check up on you and if you're seeing somebody.

MathsRocksMathsRocks · 10/02/2021 14:38

Hands up who's surprised at the latest development/set of lies... oh, no one. OP, others have been saying it already, but please PLEASE just ignore him unless (and only unless) one of the DC is ill or injured. That is the only reason he can have for contacting you.

You need to be strong. You are not his PA (a phrase I often use in my own family - I tend to be the default person to ask, but they do get the message if you're consistent) and you don't need to respond to any of his messages if you don't want to. And you don't want to, you just feel you 'ought' to. Because you're nice. But he's not.

Please get a new phone/email just for him when the DCs are with you. Then you can look when you want to. When they're with him, you only reply or engage if it's definitely to do with the DC.

Cut off his oxygen, and remember that althought you might want to be nice, he doesn't consider your feelings at all, so for once you have to be firm and say 'no more'.

You can do it, OP, you really can. Flowers

katmarie · 10/02/2021 15:31

What a manipulative git. Still, you have the measure of him Polly, and so does your friend now.

billy1966 · 10/02/2021 15:50

Perfectly reasonable for you to send a message to your friends telling them how he imposed on a friend after lying.

Tell them that you would NEVER do this and to warn them not to be imposed upon by him.

Such a twat.

FelicityPike · 10/02/2021 16:00

I would text everyone too.

1WayOrAnother2 · 10/02/2021 16:05

Yes - do warn your friends! Who knows when it might be useful for them to know that he tends to manipulate and lie when it suits him.

Wow he really is a CF isn't he.

Welshgal85 · 10/02/2021 16:06

Yep I would let my close friends know he had done this too and warn them. It’s bizarre, why is he involving your friends in this? Sounds very manipulative! He needs to get on with his life and his side of the parenting and just let you get on with your life.

TigsytheTiger · 10/02/2021 16:25

I would also be tempted to drop into conversation with him at some point in the next few weeks that you were chatting to your friend and she mentioned that he had told her it was your suggestion to ask her if she could print out the house papers. Then follow up with a why would you say that? With a confused head tilt.

Let him know you know what he's doing.

ammyspice · 10/02/2021 16:33

That’s an absolute piss take

IM0GEN · 10/02/2021 17:12

He is a manipulative little shit isn’t he !

I know I’m missing the point , but I’m surprised that such an important Captain of Industry doesn’t have a home printer supplied by his employer. MPs apparently got £10k to kit out their home offices.

billy1966 · 10/02/2021 17:26

Oh and OP frame your text to your friends how embarrassed you were to find out that he approached a friend, really imposed on her....all the while lying that it was at your request......putting your friends on their guard......what a twat.....like it wouldn't get back to you🙄

RUOKHon · 10/02/2021 18:54

He’s done it to get your attention and wind you up. Continue to grey rock. Only communicate about the divorce or the kids. Don’t tell him that you have spoken to your friend. Don’t confront him.

Do tell all your friends to expect twattery from
him and get them on side.

He wants a reaction. Don’t give it to him.

Sicario · 10/02/2021 18:58

Don't rise to any of it.

He's playing the "flying monkeys" game. Your friends will be smart enough to recognise what's going on. He's clutching at straws and desperate to create and audience for his suffering.

You've got this. Flowers

Sicario · 10/02/2021 19:00

(And by this I mean don't bother sending communications to your friends about his twattery. Nobody want to get hauled in to someone else's divorce. It's all part of the unpleasantness. Rise above it and concentrate on building your new life.)

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 10/02/2021 19:32

@Sicario

(And by this I mean don't bother sending communications to your friends about his twattery. Nobody want to get hauled in to someone else's divorce. It's all part of the unpleasantness. Rise above it and concentrate on building your new life.)
I'd rather send a Whatsapp around just confirming 'If somebody asks you for a 'favour' and says 'I've told them you'll do it', I haven't. I'd never put you in that position.

Odds are they'll know exactly who 'somebody' is. Because they've already been pestered.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 10/02/2021 19:33

@IM0GEN

He is a manipulative little shit isn’t he !

I know I’m missing the point , but I’m surprised that such an important Captain of Industry doesn’t have a home printer supplied by his employer. MPs apparently got £10k to kit out their home offices.

It's probably sitting in a box in his new study, waiting for a woman helper to come and set it up for him.
IM0GEN · 10/02/2021 20:19

Good point @NeverDropYourMoonCup. Maybe the Op has a friend who works in electronics who he could call?

billy1966 · 10/02/2021 20:51

Full disclosure...super, super private person here....

Always have been..possibly ridiculously🤷🏻‍♀️

But I would not allow my friends to be imposed upon..using MY name....I think it would be reasonable to send out a discreet warning to close friends with a note to pass the word further discreetly.....but I respect each to their own.

justilou1 · 11/02/2021 09:32

I would ask the friend to get that chain letter started...

Ohalrightthen · 11/02/2021 15:48

What a bastard. Well done too, on being such a good responsive mum to your DDs. They're lucky to have you.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 11/02/2021 20:55

Complete bedtime chaos here.

I just want an evening. To be able for them to sleep in their own beds, without a FUCKING RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT.

DD1 in with me. AGAIN.

OP posts: