Not sure what to do

[Troisfoisfilles]

So... sorry for this long one
I will give you some background...

Have been in a relationship for about 18 months. I love him a lot but not feeling like it’s reciprocated and think I need to give up.
I have 3 kids from previous relationship and he has 2 kids from 2 previous relationships. We don’t live together- I moved in with my parents a few years ago to save for a deposit and because my mum does the childcare while I work and he has 2 lodgers living in his house. I go to his every night after I put the kids to bed and we eat dinner together and spend the night together. I either then go straight to work or (at weekends) I go straight home. We never spend the day together ever!
I’ve never met anyone in his life- apart from his mum and that wasn’t until august this year. She seemed shocked that I even existed so obviously hadn’t known about me for long before that!
I’ve never met his friends or kids and I’m pretty sure they don’t even know about me. His status on Facebook is ‘single’ which really upsets me. I don’t have Facebook so he obviously can’t put ‘in a relationship with’ but couldn’t he just leave it blank???
There are no photos of me and him or just me on any of his social media sites. It’s like I don’t exist at all in his life apart from 7pm-8am!
Oh and last summer, I found out he was planning to cheat on me with another woman. The next day when he was at work, I left him a note, left his house keys on his table and walked out. Over the next few days he begged and begged and promised me it would never happen again and he’d do anything to get me back. I asked him to actually tell people about me and I wanted to meet family and friends. He agreed but still nothing (apart from his mum). I understand it’s difficult at the minute because of Covid but surely just to tell people he is with someone?!
He’s going round a friends tonight to have a drink with them for the friends birthday. I obviously wasn’t invited but I’m picking him up after. Yes I have told him he shouldn’t be doing it because of Covid but he says it won’t hurt and he hasn’t been out for ever for drinks (what about the rest of us??!).
And the final thing to really upset me... he has a rare day off tomorrow (he runs a business and works all the time) and he’s spending it taking one of his female employees 45 miles away to pick up a wall unit that she’s bought off Facebook and can’t get herself as she doesn’t drive!!

Well done if you got this far!

Any suggestions of what I should do about all of this? I’m really depressed and not happy with how things are going but I’m worried whether I’ll regret leaving him!

Why would you write you’re not pretty as one of the first things you write about yourself! Self esteem. Be you. Be proud. You don’t need a bloke to validate your looks. You don’t need a bloke at all actually and you certainly don’t need one like this!! Have you got any girlfriends? Maybe you should start there? Get rid of this guy who’s using you as a taxi and free shag and build up a social life not revolving around a bloke. Come on. Adjust your crown, puff up your chest and be proud of yourself. Stop letting blokes use you. You attract what you put out into the universe.

Well you know you need to get rid. From your original post, the bit that stuck out for me was you collecting him last night, nothing to do with COVID but you're now his personal taxi. You're not good enough to invite but good enough to pick him up so he can get his leg over. You need to get some self respect.

Right, so you have a responsibility to them to model healthy relationships and break that cycle of abuse rather than continuing it down another generation.

They deserve better than to have dysfunction modelled to them as healthy and acceptable.

And you deserve a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

OP, you sound like you want sympathy for a lot of things, but you aren't sounding like you're willing to do anything about your current situation. Surely you can see why PP think leaving your children every single night to go and have sex with a man who is clearly using you isn't great parenting on your part. You definitely need to work on your self-esteem, and why you deflect if you come across anything you perceive to be a criticism.

Get rid of the user and start focusing on yourself and your self-worth. You can do so much better than this.

You spent a nice hour together..
Is that all you feel you are worth op.?

This isn’t a relationship. You’re his fuck buddy, nothing more. You’re not even an unpaid escort because he doesn’t want to be seen out with you in public or to introduce you to his friends and family.

Even if you weren’t leaving your children with your mum every night to go and be someone’s shag, you are setting a terrible example to them as to how to be treated. No, they don’t need that kind of male role model, they really don’t.

Get a bit of self respect FGS and start putting your children first for once.

They all crave male attention because they’re dad is an alcoholic loser who never contacts them!

OP you do see that makes it a hundred times worse don’t you?

Your very young DDs have had a horrible start in life with a dad who can’t be bothered with them.

They are now left for long periods of time with a grandmother who - reading between the lines - you do not like and believe to be lazy, yet actually gets them up every single morning because you are out shagging.

And on top of that they have come to adore a man who treats you appallingly and with whom you have no real relationship.

So many issues here.

Can you see the parallel that you also crave any male attention??

Someone that is using you but that's better than having none?

OP, after the cheating/leaving the key episode, you laid down your requirements. He agreed, but never followed through. He was lying. Where is your anger about being dismissed like that?

Would you want your daughters to be used as nightly sex objects but hidden the rest of the time? You are modeling a very poor relationship blueprint for them.

Today he has a rare day off but he is prioritizing another woman and spending it with her. Are you going over tonight?

You have agency here. Stop devaluing and sabotaging your life by settling for this entitled User’s crumbs. Assert your self-worth and end this demeaning arrangement.

@RandomMess

Can you see the parallel that you also crave any male attention??

Someone that is using you but that's better than having none?

^ This.

Give yourself a stern talking to, and ask yourself why you are staying with him. Make a list. Then cross off all the ones that are just excuses for not splitting up, and look at what's left.

This is another 'Why did the OP bother to ask' threads isn't it?

He's Ina good wicket with you isn't he. No wonder he begged and pleaded to have you back. He has you driving over to him every night (does he cook for you or do you cook), so no effort from his side required. And he knows he has a chance to be set up in a new country in a few years. Can you see how good it looks from his side. Meanwhile you have yourself run ragged no doubt with cooking, cleaning and everything else you do in a day.

A text break up is OK. I did it and it was better because he was a manipulate arse who would have tried to talk me out of it. At least with text you can have your say and get it all out.