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Original poster

Is he being unreasonable?

87 replies

Boston2010 · 29/01/2021 16:02

I have been seeing someone since around December (we both live alone so have bubbled), things have been going really well but today he was being rude and abrupt. After asking several times, he admitted it was because he was annoyed at some posts from my social media (from before I met him!) where I was with other men Confused none of them are exes, all just friends. I explained that to him and he is now not responding to my messages, it’s really stressful.

Wtf is going on? We get on really well and I feel our relationship has a lot of potential but I’m so confused and he is treating me as if I have done something wrong. Sad

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 29/01/2021 16:03

Yes, he is being unreasonable. Don’t send him any more messages.

Blanca87 · 29/01/2021 16:04

Red flags, mate. I would dump him, no one has any claim to your past. How dare he act like this.

prawncocktailpringles · 29/01/2021 16:06

Agree, massive red flag

LawnFever · 29/01/2021 16:06

Bin him off now, he’s showing his true colours and he’s a weirdo. Do not waste any more time on him, do not chase him or in any way consider apologising - this is his issue, you’ve done nothing wrong!

Basically - run for the hills and be glad you know now before getting any more involved Smile

LawnFever · 29/01/2021 16:07

Adding, even if they were exes none of his damn business, I’d just block him and move on Smile

Crocky · 29/01/2021 16:09

The get on well bit his him showing his absolute best side. He just hasn’t managed to keep it up for very long. Run.

TheChip · 29/01/2021 16:09

Yup. Run.

Oreservoir · 29/01/2021 16:10

Run rabbit, run rabbit run run RUN!!

Chatterpie · 29/01/2021 16:10

🚩🚩🚩

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/01/2021 16:11

He showed you a nice man act and it was one he could not maintain. He could not maintain it because his controlling nature was always going to rear its ugly head.

He is now being abusive towards you. You are fortunate in that he has shown his true nature now rather than say 2 -3 years down the line when you could be completely entangled by him. Now he is showing you sulking behaviour also known as emotional abuse. This is all on him and is solely about him; this is who he really is and when someone tells you who they are, it pays to listen. You did not drive him into acting like that; he acted here of his own free in an attempt to bring you back into line/under his control.

He does not want you talking to other men because in his paranoid mind he thinks you're going to run off with one of them. He wants to make you over time totally dependent and otherwise totally and emotionally reliant on him. Men like this as well can and do mess with boundaries so I would take some time away from dating altogether. I would also suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. This man you were seeing is in those pages.

My advice now is to block and delete him. Do not engage with him at all now, do not accept or listen to any apology he will try and come out with. Move on with your life without this type of controlling man in it.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2021 16:11

Massive, massive red flag, and the mask has slipped. More controlling, manipulative bullshit will follow if you stay with him. Dump, run, and block.

AmandaHugenkiss · 29/01/2021 16:13

This is very good news. It means you’ve managed to find this out in less than two months before you become too emotionally involved. Huge red flag if he’s guilting you about previous male company at this stage. How is he going to react to ongoing male friends? Not well I’d guess. You’ve done nothing wrong, don’t let him bully you with his silence and withdrawal.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/01/2021 16:13

Well! He played his hand early, didn't he?

Send him a tinkly laugh response and dump him! You don't need to accept that kind of control.

Silenceisgolden20 · 29/01/2021 16:13

Oh what a prick. Can you bothered with this? What else will he find fault with before you met him?

HollowTalk · 29/01/2021 16:14

You know what he's done? He's worked himself into a state - you know that saying about causing a fight in an empty room? That's what he's done. He was feeling like a fight, looked on your social media in the hope of finding one, found something that was nothing at all to do with him and decided to take his bad mood out on you.

Throw this one back into the pond, OP.

barskits · 29/01/2021 16:15

Please don't be confused about this. There is no confusion.

He's a jealous controlling git and he hasn't even been able to keep up the pretence of being nice for very long. I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

Get rid of him asap before he decides which of your other friends and family displease him.

Silenceisgolden20 · 29/01/2021 16:15

I mean how dare you have a life with other men, exes or other wise before you even met him!

ItisLikethis · 29/01/2021 16:29

He's not abusing you on/through social media, is he? @Boston2010

Bananalanacake · 29/01/2021 16:36

Throw this one back in the sea, hope he hasn't tried to move in with you.

litterbird · 29/01/2021 16:59

The exit it is that way ----->

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 29/01/2021 17:05

So he's trawled through your social media from before he knew you and found something he doesn't like and instead of having a word with himself about how ridiculous he's being, he throws a strop and takes it out on you?

------------> BIN

Original poster
Boston2010 · 29/01/2021 17:07

Thanks for all the responses - just reading through properly now! Didn’t expect such a overwhelming response of ‘get rid’ - but everyone’s points are totally valid. I was in a controlling/emotionally abusive relationship previously which ended several months ago, I think I am going to take a break from dating since my judgement is still pretty shit since I’ve been sitting here all day trying to work out what I have done wrong or how to make him feel less paranoid Confused which is ridiculous.

He is still ignoring me currently, not sure if he will just ghost now but I won’t be sending any more messages.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2021 17:10

He is still ignoring me currently, not sure if he will just ghost now but I won’t be sending any more messages.

Not only should you never message him again, you need to block him. Don't talk to him because there's nothing to talk about. All he will do is try to gaslight you into believing he's justified for being upset. He isn't.

pictish · 29/01/2021 17:14

Good. I’m glad you popped in for a dose of reality.
To chime in, you are quite right. It’s a big red flag...several in fact.
Where can you expect to go with someone who sees fit to punish you for having men in your life before you met him, even platonically, except for straight to hell.
He’s not a keeper. He’s a creep.

pictish · 29/01/2021 17:17

@AmandaHugenkiss

This is very good news. It means you’ve managed to find this out in less than two months before you become too emotionally involved. Huge red flag if he’s guilting you about previous male company at this stage. How is he going to react to ongoing male friends? Not well I’d guess. You’ve done nothing wrong, don’t let him bully you with his silence and withdrawal.
I agree with this. 2 months in and he’s given himself away...thank you! No more time need be wasted on him.