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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he being unreasonable?

87 replies

Boston2010 · 29/01/2021 16:02

I have been seeing someone since around December (we both live alone so have bubbled), things have been going really well but today he was being rude and abrupt. After asking several times, he admitted it was because he was annoyed at some posts from my social media (from before I met him!) where I was with other men Confused none of them are exes, all just friends. I explained that to him and he is now not responding to my messages, it’s really stressful.

Wtf is going on? We get on really well and I feel our relationship has a lot of potential but I’m so confused and he is treating me as if I have done something wrong. Sad

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 30/01/2021 01:22

@Dery. spot on post.

Op end this crap before it gets any further. This is a massive warning.

Chloemol · 30/01/2021 01:40

As others have said, block him, hold your head up high and move on

If he’s upset at something on your SM from before you even knew each other big red flags

ItisLikethis · 30/01/2021 08:29

I was in a similar 'situation' to this. Bullied and controlled, subliminally, via social media.

I bet he'll shortly be putting on the charm to hook you back in.

harknesswitch · 30/01/2021 09:10

Block him and move on, huge red flag

ItisLikethis · 30/01/2021 11:02

Stop settling for crumbs and blowing hot and cold. Doesn't matter how nice he might be behaving now... it's when things don't go his way that you tell what sort of character he is. It sounds more as if you are a couple of 18 year olds squabbling rather than mature, level headed 30 -40 year olds settling your differences using clear and calm communication.

I can only guess the bf has already tried to reel you back in.

Is he being unreasonable?
JorisBonson · 30/01/2021 11:25

This was the first ref flag for me with my abusive cunt of an ex (which I ignored).

Run, run far far away.

Seatime · 30/01/2021 11:34

He is trying to control you by gaslighting. He is abusive. You don't deserve to be abused. It's better to be alone in the knowledge that no one is abusing you.

sapnupuas · 30/01/2021 11:38

Run.

Onedimension · 30/01/2021 11:38

You’ve been seeing him since December and it’s only January! Bin him off and don’t give him another thought.

FinallyHere · 30/01/2021 11:41
  • Abuser alert.

This is him testing to see if instead of 5telling him to fuck off, you will try and make him feel more secure. If you do the later he knows he has you under his spell. He will ramp up the abuse in stages. *

This ^ wot @Dery absolutely.

Well done OP on spotting this so quickly. Give yourself credit for this. It's a big win for you.

Just one more thing to do, block him on all media. You don't owe him anything. He tested your boundaries, they were good and strong. Follow through and block him so he doesn't get to try that another time.

TheChip · 30/01/2021 11:50

Any update OP?

ItisLikethis · 30/01/2021 12:40

Also, look out for relationship triangulation. Does he have female friends on his social media? Is there something you feel is 'off' about him in general/the situation?

kory1 · 30/01/2021 18:04

I'm presuming the council have given you this flat as emergency accommodation?? So why are you not going to stay there? There will be other families that desperately need a place, and won't care that it's unfurnished. They will just be happy to have a roof over there head. If you don't want it let someone who needs it have it

Itstimetoquit · 31/01/2021 10:40

How are you op x

WhatWouldZenoDo · 31/01/2021 12:26

Yeh, an insecure fuckwit who sees women through a madonna /whore lens

Run.

If he comes back to you tell him he's too insecure for you.

WhatWouldZenoDo · 31/01/2021 12:28

@barskits

When he finds out you've dumped him, no doubt he's be itching to tell you that he knew you were cheating on him all along and he was right to suspect you.
ha ha yes, this type can't fathom that you're happy in your own company, if you weren't chasing after them begging for their attention it must be because another man caught your eye, and they knew you were fickle.
Cherrysoup · 31/01/2021 14:40

Block him.

KatyClaire · 31/01/2021 14:43

Reeeeeed Flaaaaaaaaags. Dump him. He couldn’t possibly be worth it.

Original poster
Boston2010 · 01/02/2021 19:02

So just an update!

He sent me a message saying he wanted to talk yesterday, at exactly 3pm. I hadn’t replied by 3.04pm and he sent me a barrage of messages telling me I was playing games, swearing at me, etc Confused literally just because I hadn’t replied instantly to his message.

I didn’t respond as I didn’t want to escalate the conversation, so today I sent a quick message saying it obviously wasn’t working out, I think he’d been really innapropriate and made me uncomfortable, but I wished him the best. Almost instantly he phoned me, I stupidly answered, it was just literally him shouting at me and telling me I am insane, unhinged, over reacting, and that he doesn’t think he can be with someone like me Confused

I am completely shocked, obviously the social media stuff was totally out of line and enough for me to end things but I didn’t expect all of this. It’s like he wanted to convince me the reason things are ending is because of me somehow?!

It was quite unsettling, I’ve blocked him from phoning me now but he sounded out of his mind, he was literally just shouting and ranting at me and telling me how awful I am.

Strange times. You were all totally right about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boston2010 · 01/02/2021 19:04

He also tried to make out that me having an issue with his actions was me being incredibly insecure, needy, and paranoid Confused

OP posts:
TheChip · 01/02/2021 19:06

Fucking hell. He sounds horrendous! I'm glad you have blocked and in a way I'm glad you answered the call. If anything, that should be enough to never allow him to try and hoover you back in.
Just know that everything he said about you, was a projection of himself.

I hope that is the end of him.

GentlemanJay · 01/02/2021 19:07

Red flag. December you say! Run girl run.

Noshowlomo · 01/02/2021 19:15

Nice escape there @Boston2010 what a ducking arse

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 01/02/2021 19:18

Burst that bubble and run for the hills... He's shown you who he is and he's not worth your tears

pictish · 01/02/2021 19:18

Good grief! Well there you have it, he’s an absolute rocket!

Good job it became apparent so quickly. That’s saved you a lot of time and further heartache. Every cloud and all that...

Sorry this happened to you though.

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