I always scroll these pages but barely post, so thank you in advance. I’m trying to work out how much of an issue this is - I’ve not slept a wink. I was shaking, felt sick, and now I’m just empty.
Context:
My DH and I haven’t been perfect - well ever - but we try and we love and we tend to communicate well. I have a very low sex drive but we do love each other despite arguments. We have a DS3 together.
Issue:
Suspected for a while, but took the plunge into his phone this evening. Got through a WhatsApp Lock Screen (noticed that recently) to find hundreds and hundreds of messages with a girl we know, who he used to work with in a neighbouring town. I’ve downloaded them all and taken screen shots, they start overly friendly then get flirty and end up sexual - not so much sexting but way overstepping the mark - he’s encouraging her to buy sex toys and guiding her on how to use and what it should feel like. This is interspersed with loads of Friendly chatty messages, and a few suggesting they’ve met up when I haven’t known. For example he told me he was out all day for an MOT in the town and just walked around cold all day waiting for the car to be done but seems as though they met up then. I made a point of saying he should have made plans to see someone and he deliberately went out of my way to say he didn’t. Several other attempts to meet up. I genuinely don’t think they’ve had sex or probably even kissed but it’s so flirty, so beyond the realms of acceptable exchanges and leaves me feeling empty and betrayed.
I’ve changed his phone password and left them a message on WhatsApp “good morning, congratulations on ruining a marriage etc”.
How big a deal is this? Where do we go from here? I feel so empty. I don’t know how to face him tomorrow.