What do you think of these messages. Any men on here?

[Caprisun13]

2 days ago the man I was dating for 9 months dumped me in a snappy phone call. He is quite complex and I have been double checking how he feels this week as he's having some problems.

He was quite unkind on the day he did it. After all the good times it was hurtful. I've been going through the last two days feeling quite upset and a little heartbroken.

I don't like nastiness so I text him today and just told him I was feeling sad and hoped he was ok and to always know I cared. Xx

He wrote back I don't know what to say.

So I said I just didn't like what you said to me and hope you actually don't think I never cared as my feelings were real and it's going to be hard for me to move on anytime soon. Xx

He put same for me.

He accidentally pocket dialed me and I answered. He straight away said hello can you hang up I didn't mean to dial. So I did and messaged after to say I feel like I've lost my best friend. Xx

He replied and said

I don't feel to great myself.

I said that I hoped we could be nice about eachother and that we shouldn't leave things on a horrible note as we had such good times together. I said I hoped we could be friends eventually rather than become enemies and awkward.

He put I'm not your enemy.

(I just want to sort things out and not let things linger as everyone is hurting with these things)

So I said.

Based on your short replies it feels like you don't like me at all anymore. If you would like me to cut all contact and leave you alone for good then just say and I'll not contact you anymore.

He put I just don't want any silly messages.

So I put, I accept we are over but I'm asking you to tell me if you want us to completely cut eachother off or if you think it's possible to be friendly in the long run

(share the same friends and it's just nicer if you bump into eachother) (sent him a £30 candle set last week and now he hates me lol)

He wrote back I don't know what to say. I feel useless. I guess just got to get on.

I put why useless?

He said because I thought I was ready to meet someone (2 years single and dealing with his depression)

I said to him well maybe you are but I wasn't right for you (I also told him all his good qualities, wished him well and told him to be positive and he will meet someone right for him soon) I told him to be happy and not get himself down.

He put back an hour later. Sorry I fell asleep. Going to bed.

I just hate how awkward it is. I have some of his clothes here. We've bought eachother gifts. He's got one of my dvds. We've been through so much together and we felt so close. I think his depression got the better of us and he just can't cope with the stress.

So I am not some crazy texter. I wanted to try and discuss further the other day so we could seperate calmly and with respect for eachother. I am fine with whatever I just would rather know.

So in your views. He's not putting kisses anymore. He's replies are short. Blunt. I can tell he doesn't have much to say to me at all. I won't contact him anymore. But I'm worried he's not ok. Should I contact a friend to check in on him. Or do you think he's politely saying I don't want to speak to you. Sod off??

I know he's hurting like I am. I just can't figure out what to do next.

Please be nice.

Omg OP your update is worse than your original post.

He is already using you - what gives him the right to ring you when it suits him. Oh let me guess the reason he’s not contacted you is because he’s been “depressed”.

I know some people like you just don’t want to be helped which is fine but at least stop making yourself seem so available! No one will ever treat you with respect of you don’t start respecting yourself. You are obviously someone who cares very deeply - so find someone who is worth spending your energy on and not some idiot you’ve only been with a few months and is only interested in you when it’s on his terms.

@Caprisun13

He started messaging me this morning and called so he was hurting and he's opened up to me today.

As I said he has bad depression and he doesn't react to things the way most do. He gets hurt easier. He takes things to heart easier. He Shuts down and self destructs.

Sometimes if you leave him alone and don't let him know you care he sits home thinking and pulling himself to pieces.

Thanks for the replies anyhow.

But what about you @Caprisun13?

You have been sitting at home....picking yourself to pieces.....he didn’t call to say he cared....he called to tell you about his feelings.

You sound like a FABULOUS caring person and you deserve to be with someone who shows you that same....

Do you want a partner or a project?

It sounds like you have self-love deficit.

Good grief. If I was dumped in a snappy phone call my first course of action would not be to send drippy, yearny texts assuring him that I care!

Stop mooning over the man, romanticising his depression as making him exempt from treating you well and accepting a half arsed relationship.

@Caprisun13

He started messaging me this morning and called so he was hurting and he's opened up to me today.

As I said he has bad depression and he doesn't react to things the way most do. He gets hurt easier. He takes things to heart easier. He Shuts down and self destructs.

Sometimes if you leave him alone and don't let him know you care he sits home thinking and pulling himself to pieces.

Thanks for the replies anyhow.

OP, in the nicest possible way, this is the most ridiculously self-deluding thing I've seen in a while. For a heartbreakingly sensitive soul, he's pretty nasty to others, isn't he -- or is it just to you? Didn't exactly give himself any trouble in ending the relationship kindly, did he? And given that you clearly tiptoe around his feelings, and treat his depression like it's a valuable antique that needs handling with care, how can you possibly have hurt him and caused him to shut down, so why the aggro from him?

Or is Mr Sensitive the only one who is allowed to have feelings in the relationship, while you offer a reliably available shoulder to cry on?

Please go back and read my post you're falling back into exactly the same patterns he's the Tortured Soul, and you're the Only Woman Who Can Save Him.

Until the next time he irritably ditches you again, in the full knowledge that you're tormenting yourself with worry about him until he decides to 'open up' again to you about the horrors of the universe and how he feels things deeply, and you take him back. Stop playing the game, OP. No good will come of it for you.

I’m sorry you are torturing yourself (and quite frankly, a lot more talk about how he is hurting than anything about how you feel). All this texting back and forth - are you hoping to somehow revive this relationship and this was just a blip brought on by his mental illness and therefore he didn’t really dump you? That sounds harsh but it does read that way so maybe ask yourself what you are really looking for by keeping up this contact? To make sure a mentally unwell mate is alright or to get this relationship going again?

As others have said, this is really all about him and his feelings. Little about you. Did you similarly open up about how shitty you felt after his call and nasty words? Quite honestly, it doesn’t sound to me like a relationship I’d want to save or a very healthy one, I really would run for the hills but I suspect you won’t.

I am afraid that you are setting yourself up to be very hurt again here, OP. He doesn't want a relationship and while he might go along with this for a while as you are being sympathetic to him, he will suddenly turn around and tell you to leave him alone again. But this time he will be more brutal and unpleasant as he will interpret this situation as you are harassing him now. Been there and done that myself, and seen it happen to many other women.

Bloody hell 9 months in it should be fun and exciting. Relationships don't tend to get less complex with time. I think if you thought rationally you'd see a future of pain and chasing him!! Fuck that you're not there to fix him. Move on

I agree with all the other posters - delete his number. He's a grown man, he's not your responsibility. Stop thinking about him and please don't message him again. If he texts you reply with 'who is this?'

You just can't help some people. And I don't mean him.

Being depressed doesn't make someone dump you then treat you like dirt. How long are going to let it go on with him pushing you away whenever he feels like it then you being desperate to pull him back in This will be so draining. Cut your losses this bloke is no good. You will end up depressed too at this rate for sure

I suspect he's been using a form of intermittent reinforcement on you the whole time you've been together - basically withdrawing and then coming back - and thats why you are reacting the way you have done. He has trained you in a way to respond by being kinder, softer, more understanding each time he does this.

Try and give yourself time with no contact to get out of this negative cycle. He sounds manipulative and not very a very nice person.

Read this and then read this again, OP.

Stop mooning over the man, romanticising his depression as making him exempt from treating you well and accepting a half arsed relationship.

OP I don't think this man is the one for you. It sounds to me like he plays games and then blames his cuntish behaviour on depression.

Also I don't buy the pocket dial bollocks. Whenever I have pocket dialled someone I haven't spoken to them straight away because I have been totally unaware of my phone ringing them. Also he called YOU so why wouldn't he just hang up? It doesn't sound right.

Then the cold way he replied to you. FWIW I don't blame you texting him although really you should have stopped before you did.
I agree with @GreenlandTheMovie and I think if you continue this relationship it will only get worse.