What do you think of these messages. Any men on here?

[Caprisun13]

2 days ago the man I was dating for 9 months dumped me in a snappy phone call. He is quite complex and I have been double checking how he feels this week as he's having some problems.

He was quite unkind on the day he did it. After all the good times it was hurtful. I've been going through the last two days feeling quite upset and a little heartbroken.

I don't like nastiness so I text him today and just told him I was feeling sad and hoped he was ok and to always know I cared. Xx

He wrote back I don't know what to say.

So I said I just didn't like what you said to me and hope you actually don't think I never cared as my feelings were real and it's going to be hard for me to move on anytime soon. Xx

He put same for me.

He accidentally pocket dialed me and I answered. He straight away said hello can you hang up I didn't mean to dial. So I did and messaged after to say I feel like I've lost my best friend. Xx

He replied and said

I don't feel to great myself.

I said that I hoped we could be nice about eachother and that we shouldn't leave things on a horrible note as we had such good times together. I said I hoped we could be friends eventually rather than become enemies and awkward.

He put I'm not your enemy.

(I just want to sort things out and not let things linger as everyone is hurting with these things)

So I said.

Based on your short replies it feels like you don't like me at all anymore. If you would like me to cut all contact and leave you alone for good then just say and I'll not contact you anymore.

He put I just don't want any silly messages.

So I put, I accept we are over but I'm asking you to tell me if you want us to completely cut eachother off or if you think it's possible to be friendly in the long run

(share the same friends and it's just nicer if you bump into eachother) (sent him a £30 candle set last week and now he hates me lol)

He wrote back I don't know what to say. I feel useless. I guess just got to get on.

I put why useless?

He said because I thought I was ready to meet someone (2 years single and dealing with his depression)

I said to him well maybe you are but I wasn't right for you (I also told him all his good qualities, wished him well and told him to be positive and he will meet someone right for him soon) I told him to be happy and not get himself down.

He put back an hour later. Sorry I fell asleep. Going to bed.

I just hate how awkward it is. I have some of his clothes here. We've bought eachother gifts. He's got one of my dvds. We've been through so much together and we felt so close. I think his depression got the better of us and he just can't cope with the stress.

So I am not some crazy texter. I wanted to try and discuss further the other day so we could seperate calmly and with respect for eachother. I am fine with whatever I just would rather know.

So in your views. He's not putting kisses anymore. He's replies are short. Blunt. I can tell he doesn't have much to say to me at all. I won't contact him anymore. But I'm worried he's not ok. Should I contact a friend to check in on him. Or do you think he's politely saying I don't want to speak to you. Sod off??

I know he's hurting like I am. I just can't figure out what to do next.

Please be nice.

Just leave him to it, and don't bother trying to stay friends. Sounds like he wants to be left alone so let him have his way. Obvs not the right person for you, you deserve better.

Leave it. He doesn't want the texts.

You'll be okay

Sorry OP, I understand why you're chasing an explanation and a nice ending here as it sounds like he was abrupt and not particularly kind.

What he has been, however, is clear. He ended things, and has not changed his mind, even though he has let you know he hasn't taken any pleasure in the decision.

You have to leave this. If you keep pushing he probably will snap at you or block you and you will feel much worse.

If any of the stuff he has of yours is irreplaceable or valuable, arrange a pickup, if it's just a DVD, forget it. Similarly, offer once for him to pick his clothes up, but if he doesn't accept, just get rid. I know it's shit but you have to let him go otherwise you risk becoming a nuisance and nobody wants to be that.

Your (preferably non mutual) friends are much better and more appropriate sources of comfort than him

Look, OP, it’s fairly clear what your role in the relationship was — the caretaker, the clucker-around, the checker-in on moods, patient nurse to his ‘complex’ depressive patient. When he dumped you, you flipped that into a mad clinginess under the guise — consciously or unconsciously — of caring so much for him you can’t bear to let it drop and continually sending nakedly needy texts, which are obviously irritating him.

Don’t send a friend to ‘check in’. Stop texting him. He’s made his position very plain. You can’t do anything about him, and you shouldn’t try, but what you should definitely do is get some counselling to see why you think mothering someone ‘complex’ (because that’s how you come across, OP) is a healthy model for a relationship.

Make sure it doesn’t turn into a pattern.

Omg!! OP stop messaging him!!

He doesn’t want to be with you!
He is probably with someone else hence the “falling to sleep” and short replies.

He couldn’t tell you anymore clearly to stop messaging.
Why are you still keeping on at him!

OP you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak the sooner you cut things off.
We’ve all been there delete his number and social media etc do your not tempted. If he wants to talk to you he will text.

In the gentlest way OP - he's not into you. Stop messaging him. Leave him be. Do everything in your power to move on. Get him to post your dvd, drop him off his clothes, but that's it - this was a relationship that started and ended, that's all. It is tough, so take your time to grieve; but stop contacting him, and ultimately move on.

The candles did it.

Move on.

Get on tinder or something to take your mind off of him. The first few days are the hardest but then it gets easier.
Give it a few weeks if you not messaging him and he’ll be begging for you back.

It’s over. Arrange return of items if necessary, for one DVD I would leave not bother. And then detail all his details.

Not sure what is best other than give some space, try to keep.your options open and not back yourself into a pickle, and then see if he opens communications as and when, until then keep progressing and positive

Poor OP - it’s horrible but it’s over.
Don’t try to be all matey with him, he’s a grown man who can take care of himself, you’re not his mother.

Spend your time more wisely by working out why you’ve got such a low opinion of yourself and move your life right along.

I got half wag through the op. Stop begging. He will just ending up using you for casual sex if you carry on this nonsense.

Op you need to leave him alone now. You have split calmly. All the over emotional dramatic texting him isn’t going to change it snd he’s basically trying to get you to stop

He will contact you when he wants his clothes, or you can just post them. Don’t give back gifts that’s not a thing.

The bottom line is you need to stop texting him now. 💐

As the others have said, it is time to stop now. You wont get the answers you really want, and while it may make sense to try and keep going until you get there, to be honest, I think it is surprising he is answering at all. i wonder if he was nasty because he thought it may be difficult to cut contact? Every time you text you are asking him to engage with you when he has clearly indicated he doesn't want to. Although it may feel more painful in the short term, your respect for yourself will be better if you dont keep running after someone who doesnt want to be with you. Take care of yourself. Talk to other friends, write in a journal, and then find something else to concentrate on.

By replying to your texts, albeit abruptly, he’s telling you things are civil and there won’t be any awkwardness if you do bump into each other, but the relationship is over. Please, stop texting him now. I know you want to keep in touch ‘as friends’ in the hope that you will remain in his mind and he might change his mind at a later date. He won’t. Let it be.

Agree with everyone else. Delete his number. You had a nice time, you’re feeling crap (understandably so) but it doesn’t matter what the ins and outs are from his point of view, he doesn’t want anything more.

You seem to be reading too much in to it. Six him. Don’t waste your energy OP. If a man wants to be with you, he’ll make it clear. So for your own sake abc sanity block him and move forward

sod him I mean

He’s already made clear that things aren’t awkward, you are making them awkward through your behaviour now. Agree with others, you need to leave him alone.

You need to leave him alone! He's not interested and he's said as much.

You need to leave it now, sorry. Definitely don’t she’s home anymore messages or gifts.

I'm so sorry op - you're coming across desperate, he's made it clear he doesn't want contact. You don't need to ask, don't send anymore messages. He has no interest in being friends.

There are some pretty nasty posts on this thread so please don’t take them personally.

Unfortunately it seems he’s not interested, so please don’t prolong the inevitable by carrying on messaging him. It hurts and it’s shit but this is not your fault. It could be for a million reasons so please try not to overthink it. Block and delete him - I know it’s hard and painful but the quicker you do it the quicker you will move on.

Be kind to yourself, get yourself a face mask and a takeaway, call a friend, write a list of all the things you’d want in a new partner. Also, think about what you deserve. If you can’t think what you deserve then think what a nice friend or sister would deserve in a partner and strive for the same standard.

You’re not “desperate” or any of the other nasty language that’s been used, but you do deserve someone who wants to be with you (as does everyone) and unfortunately this guy is not the one who can give you that. Continuing to message him won’t magically make him want you - more women than will admit know this from experience

I think there’s a break up thread going on here so join that. Treat yourself kindly. The overwhelming majority of women have been through something similar, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it doesn’t make you desperate, but now is the time to value yourself and remove yourself from this situation. See it as stepping away, valuing yourself and taking back control of your life

@Caprisun13 nope I don't think this is all your fault, he's playing you. He is saying just enough to keep you confused.

He wants you to keep bothering him, so he can say ' no'

Block him on everything. DO NOT CONTACT HIM then update us in a few weeks, maybe a month or two ( don't think it will be that long) when he got back in touch because he will.

The game is to make you look like the needy one, when in fact he cut you off and didn't want to communicate like a grown ass adult.

Hi OP, a man here. I’d generally agree with all the PPs, however thought it might be worth asking if there was a reason (you know of) why he was snappy and finished with you? Did you have an argument? Was he in a sulk? Or was this, literally, an out of the blue mood change that took you by surprise?

It’s over and all the messages are doing is prolonging the end in to a drawn out low level melodrama. Deep down you don’t want it to be over but it is.

If an ex had kept messaging me I would have just blocked them. All you are doing is massaging his ego, please don’t do it ever. I have often wondered why some men are so arrogant but when I read the string of messages it reminds me of why so many are because women chase them and are needy. Please for sake of your own sanity and self worth just stop it.