What do you think of these messages. Any men on here?

[Caprisun13]

2 days ago the man I was dating for 9 months dumped me in a snappy phone call. He is quite complex and I have been double checking how he feels this week as he's having some problems.

He was quite unkind on the day he did it. After all the good times it was hurtful. I've been going through the last two days feeling quite upset and a little heartbroken.

I don't like nastiness so I text him today and just told him I was feeling sad and hoped he was ok and to always know I cared. Xx

He wrote back I don't know what to say.

So I said I just didn't like what you said to me and hope you actually don't think I never cared as my feelings were real and it's going to be hard for me to move on anytime soon. Xx

He put same for me.

He accidentally pocket dialed me and I answered. He straight away said hello can you hang up I didn't mean to dial. So I did and messaged after to say I feel like I've lost my best friend. Xx

He replied and said

I don't feel to great myself.

I said that I hoped we could be nice about eachother and that we shouldn't leave things on a horrible note as we had such good times together. I said I hoped we could be friends eventually rather than become enemies and awkward.

He put I'm not your enemy.

(I just want to sort things out and not let things linger as everyone is hurting with these things)

So I said.

Based on your short replies it feels like you don't like me at all anymore. If you would like me to cut all contact and leave you alone for good then just say and I'll not contact you anymore.

He put I just don't want any silly messages.

So I put, I accept we are over but I'm asking you to tell me if you want us to completely cut eachother off or if you think it's possible to be friendly in the long run

(share the same friends and it's just nicer if you bump into eachother) (sent him a £30 candle set last week and now he hates me lol)

He wrote back I don't know what to say. I feel useless. I guess just got to get on.

I put why useless?

He said because I thought I was ready to meet someone (2 years single and dealing with his depression)

I said to him well maybe you are but I wasn't right for you (I also told him all his good qualities, wished him well and told him to be positive and he will meet someone right for him soon) I told him to be happy and not get himself down.

He put back an hour later. Sorry I fell asleep. Going to bed.

I just hate how awkward it is. I have some of his clothes here. We've bought eachother gifts. He's got one of my dvds. We've been through so much together and we felt so close. I think his depression got the better of us and he just can't cope with the stress.

So I am not some crazy texter. I wanted to try and discuss further the other day so we could seperate calmly and with respect for eachother. I am fine with whatever I just would rather know.

So in your views. He's not putting kisses anymore. He's replies are short. Blunt. I can tell he doesn't have much to say to me at all. I won't contact him anymore. But I'm worried he's not ok. Should I contact a friend to check in on him. Or do you think he's politely saying I don't want to speak to you. Sod off??

I know he's hurting like I am. I just can't figure out what to do next.

Please be nice.

I am not a bloke but he is clearly signalling he doesn't give a shit about you

You are making a foool of yourself. Leave him be and move on with your life.

I'm sorry but he's told you it's over yet you keep texting him. Just leave it!

Sorry OP but it’s over, you don’t need to text to separate “amicably” sounds amicable already. Plus let’s be honest you are messaging because you want him to say something like he regrets the breakup but he doesn’t.
Plenty more fish in the sea for you.

OP I'm not a bloke but anyone would understand he has no further explanation to give you. He's tried his best to spell it out.
Leave the guy alone now and build on your self esteem. Don't carry on with this. It happens to a lot of people.

I am fine with whatever I just would rather know.

You do know. He has told you.

All this texting is no use at all, as you should be able to tell now,that he want's to be alone. He does not wish to go into any discussions about why he left you, so is having to try and say a few words,only because you keep contacting him, but I guess that he would now prefer no contact at all.

@Caprisun13.

Think of all the crap bad habits that used to annoy the living day lights out of you, such as stinky feet, morning breath that reeked to high heaven, B.o issues, dutch oven farting in bed,
It will go a loong way to help you get over him op.
Try changing your mindset,mind over matter,time is great healer.

There are some pretty nasty posts on this thread so please don’t take them personally.

Gosh, I think the posts have been pretty kind by MN standards.

Unfortunately, we don't always get answers as to why. I agree with the others, you need to stop texting him, stop sending him gifts and move on. Have you heard of co-dependency?

You don't do anything next. He's fine. He doesn't want to talk to you. He doesn't want to be friends. It's over. Move on and don't wprry about him.

You need to work on your boundaries (in general) and leave him alone. It sounds as though the relationship was of a short duration and very intense.

Next time, get to know the next man better. Date, have fun. Relationships shouldn’t be as hard as you’ve described. I’m presuming you’re young but you’ve acted like a long term married couple helping one another through a traumatic event. You shouldn’t be leaning on each other to this extent. It is a recipe for disaster.

Right now, you’re feeling a terrible loss because your lives were very intertwined and you had a co-dependent relationship. He’s now realised it was unhealthy and he’s tried to tell you to leave him alone. Maybe (or maybe not) he genuinely is upset about splitting. The bottom line is he has chosen to move on from this unhealthy relationship. You need to do the same. And work on your boundaries.

Eek. Just stop - don't tell him you're stopping, sit on your hands and have some self control and stop messaging him! Fill your time with something else.

Those messages are very intense, they should have ended at his 1st ‘I don’t know what to say’ the reference to the ‘silly messages’ is this something that has happened in the past?

Have you got anyone to take to about the breakup IRL you need to work through your feelings but not with him.

Please block his number and move on.

I think he doesn't want to be with you anymore but probably feels a bit bad about it.

I can understand why after 9 months you would be shocked to have it ended suddenly and not very nicely.

The best thing for you would be to stop contacting him. Take some time to get over him and then start dating again. You deserve to be with someone who is into you and wants to spend time with you and wants you to be happy.

So I am not some crazy texter

Well that ship has sailed. Stop texting him. Delete his number if you don't think you can't control yourself.

He's not interested, stop texting and absolutely do not ask his friends to check on him or you will be crazy stalker lady, sorry.

Leave him alone. It's painful, but it's quite clear he doesn't want the contact

"the reference to the ‘silly messages’ is this something that has happened in the past?"

@Originalusername2021 the past? Yeah, the past 3 messages he'd received after dumping someone after just 9 months.

The ones where he's told they "won't move on anytime soon", have "lost their best friend" and accuse him of "not liking me at all anymore", suggest he might "become an enemy" and then start going on about "cutting all contact" and demanding he "just tell her".

Those silly messages. He has told her. It's over. He's not an enemy. He just doesn't want these silly messages. Understandably

I agree with all previous posters, he is not interested, please draw a sharp clean line under this and move on before you lose your pride too. You seem to have been much more invested in this relationship than him and it does sound like your messages are starting to annoy him. If you persist he will end up saying something blunt or blocking you and you will feel worse. Take some time out from dating, so not contact him again, just focus on yourself until you feel able to move on. You tried, you were nice even after the end, be proud of the kindness you showed him, but do not turn into " that ex" that cannot accept she is an ex. The right person will come to you when it's time. I do know it's hard. Chin up, lovely.

I'm sorry OP. It hurts so much when someone you care about just shuts down. But it's clear from his messages he has done this. I agree that the best thing to do is to delete his number and go no contact. For your own well being I think it's best to block his number. Not through anger or hate, but don't underestimate the impact of constantly expecting/wanting him to get in touch. Removing that possibility can be immensely helpful.

To a total outsider those messages are a difficult read. It's clear the relationship is over because he has disengaged and mo amount of your time and effort is going to change that.

I have very sympathy OP but thank your lucky stars that after 9 months (did you get together in lockdown 1?) it's over rather than 9 years. Delete his number and do your best to forget him.

Put the phone down. Step away from the phone. Do not text him again. Delete his number so you’re not tempted

It's human nature to chase a whyyyyyyy.
And when you dont get the why you make it up yourself.
💐🍷

You're really dragging out the messaging, which is basically shouting out to him that you haven't accepted the breakup and you're hoping that if you stay on his radar he'll eventually change his mind. It's a bit embarrassing (sorry). Breakups are horrible but you will feel so much better about yourself in the long run if you leave him to it and don't look for excuses to be in touch. You don't need to discuss anything about being friends etc, just try to behave in a reasonably normal and neutral way if you bump into each other further down the line.
I'm sorry, I know it sucks but you need to stop, and focus on yourself.

Its over.he doesnt sound very nice or kind.

Delete his number and instead of wasting energy on his feelings work on your self esteem and boundaries as it sounds like he hasnt treated you well and you seek permission (eg "If you would like me to cut all contact and leave you alone for good then just say and I'll not contact you anymore.")
He broke up with you, treated your horribly with no apology and you still want to expose yourself to more hurt and disappointment