I need help processing wtf just happened

[Coffeetableconundrum]

NC for this, I’m so confused and bewildered.
My wonderful, loving, perfect DP of 3 years and I just got into what I thought was a silly joke argument about something tiny. I was laughing away, and tickling him, and next thing he was holding on really tight to my wrists and asking me the same question again and again. Suddenly I was afraid, and stopped laughing and told him he was frightening me and answered his question.
He immediately started to apologise and told me he didn’t know why he’d got so worked up and he should have just explained he hadn’t found it funny, etc etc. I couldn’t stop crying and told him I didn’t understand what had just happened. He kept asking me to forgive him and then said he thought he was about to pass about, before collapsing on the floor. He was pale and clammy, and out of it for about 10 seconds. I’ve never seen that happen before.
When he came to and felt a bit better I asked him to leave, which he did without any problems, apologising again and saying he didn’t understand why he had reacted in the way he had and asking to speak to me tomorrow.
I have no idea what to think. I can’t reconcile the loving, supportive person who feels like home with what just happened. It came out of no-where. But I was genuinely afraid. Is that how it starts?
Please please please can I have a handhold.

[BrownFootStool]

People on here are crazy. His reaction was obviously disproportionate and weird. You were not wrong to ask him to leave after he frightened you. You aren't wrong to feel upset now.

Depending on how you feel, I would have a good talk with him.

[EleanorOalike]

www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html

This event, as an isolated event, sounds like possible low blood sugar to me.

[BookFiend4Life]

To all those saying there are two sides to every story, we have OP's side, such is the nature of message boards, kind of pointless not to take her at her word. If DP writes in you can feel free to tell him what a bitch she was for kicking him out after he tried to frighten her?
Also, I had vasovagal syncope growing up and I never once behaved erratically or tried to hurt someone else during an episode. Pretty much just got woozy and laid down until it was over.

[Beefcurtains79]

Sounds weird as hell. Why wouldn’t you answer the question about whether you had told your parents?

[Viviennemary]

You were tickling him. He didn't like it and panicked. You've said he doesn't like to be tickled yet you did. You need to look at your own actions here IMHO.

[Couchbettato]

Hm, my friend once tried to rape me, and then when I ran away and told one of our other friends, we came back and that person had "fainted".

I am also reading this and thinking the mask has slipped, and that the fainting was a "woe is me" bid for positive attention.

Red flags to me OP. I don't think there is any coming back from this.

[fastwigglylines]

JFC there are some apologists for male violence on this thread.

OP, grabbing you by the wrists and scaring you is NOT OK.

It's totally disproportionate to your actions. It sounds like he didn't like being questioned so used force to put you back in your place, so to speak.

Please don't let him gloss over this. Fainting AFTER scaring the shit out of you doesn't change what he did to you.

[Fuckingcrustybread]

@Livelovebehappy

I feel there’s a bit of backtracking and minimising going on. It does seem there might have been some goading and tickling - maybe he asked you to stop, you continued and then he lost his shit with you? Couldn’t get past the bit where you asked him to leave after you said he was ‘out of it’ for 10 minutes.

Try reading the OP's posts and not making stuff up.

[KizzyKat91]

I think he needs to be checked for diabetes. His behaviour sounds quite familiar, as my Type 1 diabetic mum has acted in a similar way before. She suddenly got aggressive over nothing, latched onto my arms, leaving bruises and scratches, and kept asking and repeating nonsensical questions.

Google “diabetic rage” - it’s very common! It can be very threatening and unsettling to witness but it’s not in anyway deliberate.

I’d really would give your DP the benefit of the doubt and ask him to seek medical attention before passing judgment on his behaviour.

[fastwigglylines]

@EleanorOalike

www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html

This event, as an isolated event, sounds like possible low blood sugar to me.

Yeah... no.

Funny how he got his first ever hypo, conveniently, in a situation where he was probably hoping the ground would swallow him up, wasn't it?

If you believe in this level of coincidence, you're daft.

[LadyStarlight]

OP have you spoken to him since he left?

[MrsHusky]

the fact its so out of character, and he was so upset/distressed and apologetic, AND he fainted, i'm in the camp that this was a low blood/sugar level episode.

It doesn't excuse what he did, because if his meds or diet are going to have that effect on him (and it is possible for meds someones been fine on to suddenly start doing weird things) then he needs to talk to his GP ASAP!

[Fuckingcrustybread]

@LadyStarlight

I'm also a bit surprised that you asked him to leave after he'd passed out! I get that he'd frightened you and it was likely a knee jerk reaction, but have you spoken since? Do you know if he got home ok?

Another one that should read all the OP's posts

[SJaneS49]

What an unpleasant episode and no wonder you are shaken. He was restraining you, that’s not ok quite simply. It sounds like he realised the seriousness and flipped into a panic attack.

On the plus points, he left when you asked him too, you’re ok and he’s ok. If you want to continue seeing him, personally I’d gently probe what the hell happened tonight next time you see him, maybe meeting up for a walk in daytime. Trust your gut instincts basically - I wouldn’t write him off I think but wouldn’t sweep this under the carpet either.

[whenthestarsgoblue]

@tatutata

I don't understand the situation. You were being weird, so he was a bit weird, then he collapsed. And that means he's abusive. OK.

That

[purplebloodedwoman]

What it with everyone wanting to know the ins and outs of was it tickling / not tickling / prodding / poking 🤦🏻‍♀️ this is something couples do all the time! Yeah some people like it some don't but the point is just totally being missed that he's never acted like that before and she was scared and he 100% should not have grabbed her wrists shouting at her in an aggressive way simple as that. He should of just told her she was pissing him off but he's clearly snapped.. not saying he'll ever do it again but not saying he won't either, who knows?! Up to you @Coffeetableconundrum if you want to try moving forward as people do make mistakes but if it keeps happening it's a no go

[DBML]

I’m not sure what’s gone on op and you have to look after yourself, but if he passed out then he might be ill.

I’ve passed out before and in the seconds before doing so, I became very agitated and aggressive. Similar to when your throwing up and someone starts rubbing your back...but worse. It’s not in my nature to be aggressive either.

I’d tell him to see his gp to make sure nothing is going on and if you don’t feel safe, don’t see him until he’s found out what happened.

[EleanorOalike]

Yeah... no.

Funny how he got his first ever hypo, conveniently, in a situation where he was probably hoping the ground would swallow him up, wasn't it?

If you believe in this level of coincidence, you're daft.

He’s had previous episodes of unsteadiness.

Uncharacteristic aggression is in itself a symptom.

His first ever aggressive episode is accompanied with him being clammy and collapsing.

And it wouldn’t even cross your mind that there could be something medical going on?

[itsbiganditsorange]

Has he ever been the victim of abuse, when he was a child maybe? Was he bullied at school?

What is his relationship like with his family?

You mention that he has depression - Do you know if there is a reason why?

[SuperHighway]

@Beefcurtains79

Sounds weird as hell. Why wouldn’t you answer the question about whether you had told your parents?

Why would he ask the question in the first place?

This thread has really brought out the hard of thinking. For the umpteenth time, she didn't tickle him and she checked he got home ok. If I had been restrained by the wrists and interrogated I'd have kicked his ass out, whether he fainted or not. It's not OP's job to 'be kind' to a man who is scaring her. She had no idea what was coming next and had every right to ask him to leave.

[selectivemutism]

I’d be concerned he was unwell
My
Dm punched my then 8 year old ds hard on the arm once out of nowhere and out of character and shouted at him a load of nonsense. A few hours later she had a massive brain haemorrhage. I nearly had called the police at the time as I was angry but something made me not mad I just shouted at her then went home vowing to never see her again I often think now if I had she possibly would have passed away in police custody but luckily survived as was at home and got help immediately

[CostaDelCovid]

Sorry but I would most certainly LTB. This is obviously who he clearly is. The mask is beginning to slip.....

[NameChanged294749]

Could it be diabetes (undiagnosed)? My FIL gets very argumentative without his medication, a bit like a personality transplant. The fainting/clammy thing could have been blood sugar related if so. I would say book a GP appt ASAP.

[Eloisedublin123]

My DH has type 1 diabetes and this causes him to totally overreact (and potentially pass out) if he had a bad hypo (very low blood sugar)

[HorseOfPhillipMoss]

He may well have had an anxiety or panic attack, AFTER he assaulted his girlfriend, perhaps in realising the extent of what he'd done when OP cried. It doesn't mean a panic attack caused him to grab her tightly by the wrists and demand she answer a question over and over. Was OP childish and a bit goady, (I'm gonna tell my Muuu um 🙄), sounds like it, does that mean what he did is ok? No.