I need help processing wtf just happened

[Coffeetableconundrum]

NC for this, I’m so confused and bewildered.
My wonderful, loving, perfect DP of 3 years and I just got into what I thought was a silly joke argument about something tiny. I was laughing away, and tickling him, and next thing he was holding on really tight to my wrists and asking me the same question again and again. Suddenly I was afraid, and stopped laughing and told him he was frightening me and answered his question.
He immediately started to apologise and told me he didn’t know why he’d got so worked up and he should have just explained he hadn’t found it funny, etc etc. I couldn’t stop crying and told him I didn’t understand what had just happened. He kept asking me to forgive him and then said he thought he was about to pass about, before collapsing on the floor. He was pale and clammy, and out of it for about 10 seconds. I’ve never seen that happen before.
When he came to and felt a bit better I asked him to leave, which he did without any problems, apologising again and saying he didn’t understand why he had reacted in the way he had and asking to speak to me tomorrow.
I have no idea what to think. I can’t reconcile the loving, supportive person who feels like home with what just happened. It came out of no-where. But I was genuinely afraid. Is that how it starts?
Please please please can I have a handhold.

[Seasaltyhair]

Yeah that was weird OP. He might have had a panic attack or he might have been faking but I still would trust him again.

Hope your ok

[partyatthepalace]

It’s very odd... could it be low blood pressure, or diabetes, or a panic attack as suggested - or just a bit of extreme stress/no sleep melt down.

Sorry you had that OP, see how it goes in the AM. He should be calling the doctor. Hopefully there is a reason. Have you got a friend you can call?

[Coffeetableconundrum]

@Aquamarine1029 @Someone1987 No, not to a woman, and not flirty or anything. Sorry, I’m upset and I’m not being clear. I just thought it was a bit rude, as in argumentative. It was on an online forum (like this, I guess) so to a stranger. I was just surprised to see him send it, it was a bit unnecessary I guess, hence why I joked that he’d been ‘bad’.

[UnityUnited]

I’m not an expert but I also thought it could be a blood sugar issue too.

[Seasaltyhair]

After your update I’d say he hated being seen by you which caused his extreme reaction.

[AwFeebs]

Elaborate OP.

What did he send?

It all sounds rather strange?

[Coffeetableconundrum]

@partyatthepalace thank you so much, the support really means a lot. I am desperate to speak to someone but don’t want to tell anyone I know what has happened because I’m afraid they’ll judge him or think badly of him. Hence posting on here.
The number of people saying blood pressure does make me wonder... He seems to have low blood pressure, is always wobbly when he stands up too quickly (at least 3 times a week.) Maybe a panic attack.

[KirstenBlest]

Suddenly I was afraid, and stopped laughing and told him he was frightening me and answered his question.
You shouldn't be with someone who frightens you.

[WorkingItOutAsIGo]

I think he should be checked for what sounds like an absence/fit. Hope he’s ok.

[Seasaltyhair]

He was an arse to a stranger on line.
OP clocked it
His first reaction was to grab her wrists and demanded to know if she had told her parents.
Then he fell to the floor.

Run for the hills OP

[Someone1987]

Were his parents strict,?
Has he been unkind to people before either in childhood or adulthood that his parents know about?
He seemed so worried about his parents reaction.
What was the topic of the post he commented on?

[Coffeetableconundrum]

@Honeyroar As I said, he lives less than 5 minutes walk away. I have called his flatmate to check he is home and safe, which he is.

[whenthestarsgoblue]

@Seasaltyhair

He was an arse to a stranger on line.
OP clocked it
His first reaction was to grab her wrists and demanded to know if she had told her parents.
Then he fell to the floor.

Run for the hills OP

That's not what happened though - op has already said she was jabbing his side and "play fighting" - he didn't randomly grab her and pin her down. You don't know what the comment was or than he was an arse - MN is always so quick to condemn men. Two sides

[whenthestarsgoblue]

What was the comment to the stranger OP? I don't think anyone can figure out if it was necessary to bring it up if there's no context

[Coffeetableconundrum]

I’m sorry, I’m so upset by this and just trying to get it all out that I think I’ve been too vague and wasn’t clear enough at first.
The message he sent wasn’t sexual or flirty, just a bit of a dickish thing for him to do. Like someone going off on one on AIBU here. Doesn’t really match his normal personality.
At the time I made a comment about it, we both laughed, he admitted he was annoyed when he sent the message.
I jokingly referred to it again this evening while we were cuddling on the sofa, saying he’d been ‘bad’ and so didn’t deserve another bit of chocolate. It was obviously a silly joke.
At first he laughed along and then it suddenly changed like I said.

I’m wondering about a panic attack or some kind of absence. I think the real question for us is whether I can still feel safe around him. Until tonight, I had never had reason not to.

[sometimesamazinggrace]

The thing that disturbed me is him demanding to know if you'd told your parents. In my unhealthy relationship, my ex was constantly demanding to know if I'd been talking negatively about him to friends and family, like "I bet you've told them haven't you?" And not believing me when I said I hadn't.

It does sound like you both crossed each other's boundaries and it got out of hand. I would snap if someone kept tickling me when they knew I hated it.

[RosesAndHellebores]

He doesn't like being tickled so you ignored him and goaded.

He felt under attack and responded accordingly.

There's certainly a red flag op.

[Marinaloves]

If he stands up often and is dizzy then he needs to go to a doctor

Often people post things online that they might perhaps not be wholly pleased for their parents to see.
You kept on jabbing and tickling him

I think this is just a situation which you both need to chat about calmly and get him to a doctors ASAP

[Freakingout77]

Why was his immediate response to be worried about you telling your parents? How odd, what had he written online?

[Coffeetableconundrum]

@whenthestarsgoblue to be clear, there was no playfighting. We were lying on the sofa cuddling and watching Netflix. We were chatting. I made the joke about being bad, he played along, I poked him in the side, he grabbed my wrists and kept saying the same thing again and again, it went from there.

[Freakingout77]

Has he been ill at all or is ill? Has he had covid?

[Marinaloves]

We’re you jabbing him lightly or tickling him
Tickling is horrific for some people
If someone jabbed me I would go mental

Why are you minimising what you’ve done?

[Marinaloves]

There’s a difference between poking someone once in the side and continually tickling him as you initially said in the OP

[Sway19]

Hmm, very odd. I’d definitely be thinking a possible epileptic related absence, panic attack or a problem with his blood sugar

[Seasaltyhair]

whenthestarsgoblue

Even if she was playfully poking him his reaction was excessive. He frightened her. He then immediately apologised and said he didn’t know why he got so would up - then passed out needing care ..

I’m not going to climb over myself looking for medical reasons he might have done this - I’ve seen enough manipulative and violent men over my life - and yes they can suddenly start.