Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Ha, yes cat....I'm thinking maybe we are the minority here and maybe the bunny ears work too for women.

That sounds a great idea for your profile 😁

I might do one full of filters, txt speak, plaster my kids on every pic...obviously saying they are "my world".

@SleepyBunk Classy! Clearly that's what I'm doing wrong! I'm sure he will be with such a well thought out and witty response

@bangheadhere40 maybe we should try it. We'll be kicking ourselves if suddenly we start getting lots of fantastic matches - we've been doing it all wrong!

I saw one the other day of a close up of a face, mostly mouth, with something in his mouth, maybe a burger or something, literally half in his mouth. It was a bit of a shock to swipe and see THAT! Bloody revolting.

I'm up for that cat.

First 2 I swiped just now:

1. has his dog's genitals in the photo
2. says he "dont wanna waist his life"

FFS

A fair proportion of men on these sites don't like women, except as sex toys, and their crude, boorish, disrespectful photos give them away.

Good grief, it's not difficult, just smile for the camera!

There must be some women on there who don't like men either - I wonder what clues they give in their photos?

Hi all,
On Hinge, I had the delight of someone commenting on my picture "don't lie someone hitting that". Like wtaf? If men are so derogatory to women on first contact what positive experience could possibly await? Needless to say I did not engage and deleted..

2) says he "dont wanna waist his life"
He evidently wasted his education!

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic Just saw one giving the middle finger salute

@cocodomingo

Hi all, On Hinge, I had the delight of someone commenting on my picture "don't lie someone hitting that". Like wtaf? If men are so derogatory to women on first contact what positive experience could possibly await? Needless to say I did not engage and deleted..

What does it mean?

Apparently insinuating that I'm already in an intimate relationship...in the most vulgar of ways

Yes, totally vile! Supposed to be some kind of compliment!

[quote TheCatWithTheHat]@Techgirldating I've had exactly the same thing a couple of times! Once she even told me I was her Tinder unicorn, her soulmate etc... then after several months I got the "I'm not ready for a relationship".

I've just been reading through the other thread about what puts people off profiles. Thankfully I've avoided all the cliches, yet still getting very few responses. Maybe, despite what people say here, the fish and beer photos actually work?

How about this for a photo idea - me standing topless on a sportscar parked outside a house, biting into a huge fish with my own teeth, holding a payslip and a beer in my other hand, and then another one with me and my ex (badly photoshopped out) with "no drama or crazy psychos please" written above it.

That should do it, shouldn't it? That'll be like Tinder catnip![/quote]
You forgot the apostrophe cat - "psycho's". That should do it...

[quote HairyArsedMan]@ThisTooShallBeFantastic Just saw one giving the middle finger salute[/quote]
I’m strangely pleased to hear it!

Someone I saw last night, their main picture was him and his little girl...his daughter is happily eating what looks like breakfast and he's smiling with a can of fosters in his hand...with his bio "never just a book by his cover" so not only is he a drunk dad...he can't spell.

I spent a lot of time reporting profiles during a swipe earlier (zero swipes right). So many adverts for other more vulgarly named sites. These profiles come up so frequently and repeatedly point to the same sites that I can’t help but wonder if it’s a sideline for the site. I doubt they need the income but then again maybe I’m being a touch naive in expecting they are happy with their market segment.

Do (women) threadsters get those frequently amongst their Tinder profiles ?

I've never had an ad for a dodgy site ever. Get lots of ads for walking boots, which is kind of appropriate, but nothing weird or unpleasant.

@WeWantTheFinestWines oh the extra apostrophe makes it just perfect - the icing on the cake!

I know it's been mentioned in here a few times, sorry if this comes out a bit garbled. When people say, kindly of course, something along the lines of "it might be an idea to work on yourself before getting into a relationship" what does that actually entail?
I know a few here have been on the receiving end of 'not being ready for a relationship' and don't want to make that mistake. I'm not sure I am ready, but do wonder if I would be if I met the right person. Does that make any sense?

@Heartbeats0708 For me working on myself meant working on my boundaries and not being a people pleaser. Working on being emotianally available even though it might not work out eg not being scared of being hurt and believing that there is good in people and there are still good men out there. It also meant that I needed to know just being me was more than good enough and having the self worth come from within and not from a man

Thanks so much dancer that's really helpful. I think my biggest worry/problem is I'm miss unavailable. Does anyone that's read the fallback girl book know of it's any good for the opposite way round ur being unavailable rather than fallback?

I think one of the book’s ideas is that the reason you’re going for the unavailable is a core of unavailability in yourself @Heartbeats0708.

I think that statement of not being ready for a relationship is really a statement of ‘not ready for a relationship with you’ - so many on the receiving end have gone on to see their ‘not ready’ types back on the dating sites shortly after.

It also serves as an ambiguous statement ‘not ready for a relationship’ but happy to see you on my terms and my terms alone.

@Heartbeats0708 What I've taken from that in the past is doing things to improve my self-confidence and and self-worth. So I'm happy within myself, and not searching for someone else to make me happy.

The aim for me is to get to a point where I'm fully comfortable and happy spending time alone but also open to sharing my life when the right person comes along.

Oh so it could be quite helpful to me then @HairyArsedMan. I wonder if I'm a bit too damaged from previous relationships to fully let my guard down. But I can't help but wonder if I just wasn't feeling a relationship with the individual and it would be different with the "right" one. I just don't want to hurt people in the process of finding that out.
Thanks @TheCatWithTheHat that's some food for thought. I'm quite happy in my own company and don't seek validation. There are aspects of my life that I don't want to share with others though, and that's a sticking point.

I'm weird with all of this, I completely will not date for the sake of it or be with anyone I'm not completely into...been there and done that and would rather be on my own.

I do though really want to meet a partner, yet I don't put the time or effort in to it at the moment. I never really understood the being cautious after being hurt but now I do and I don't think I could face it again!