It really does feel like you're going mad, doesn't it?
When he blame shifts and turns everything back on you.
When he berates you for calling him out.
When you're the only one wanting to fix things between you.
When he's gaslighting you, resulting in you questioning yourself
Because you KNOW you're being reasonable, and calm, and right, but you start to question yourself and doubt yourself, and one day you wake up an empty, soulless shell.
This is emotional abuse and he sounds like he has some narcissistic traits. He sounds very much like my soon to be ex husband.
He has created this false appearance of who he is, so when you communicate your concerns about a financially insecure future, he takes it as a personal attack. How DARE you question his ability to take care of his family!
Because if he were to admit that you're right, it would mean he's not who he's convinced himself in his mind that he is. And he can't change the fake self image he's created about himself because that would mean he'd have to deal with his own emotional pain or whatever is at the root of his insecurity. So, much easier to blame you!
Please read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?" and start reading "Splitting - Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Narcissistic Personality." These books have been critical to my healing and knowing what to expect during divorce proceedings.
People who show narcissistic personality disorder traits think differently than most people, so you need to be prepared.
Also, please find a divorce lawyer who has experience dealing with spouses who exhibit personality traits like this. That is extremely important!
And no, he will not change.
Please don't let yourself get hoovered back in with promises and tears or threats of suicide if/when you decided to leave him. If you go back, the abuse will only ramp up because now he knows you're strong enough to leave, so he's going to be even more controlling over you.
You are strong. You can do this! Your child needs you!! xx