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Original poster

I was the OW...

83 replies

AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 22:10

And I'll always feel guilty.

I was eighteen years old. A virgin and had never had a relationship before.

I'll always feel tremendous guilt and if I could change the choices I made then I would.

And quite hypocritically, I now always judge those who have affairs extremely harshly.

Just wanted to get that off my chest as to this day, no one knows.

OP posts:
Teardrop2021 · 22/01/2021 22:10
Biscuit
Original poster
AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 22:11

Thanks?

OP posts:
HarleyQuinn21 · 22/01/2021 22:12

We all make mistakes, you live and you learn. You can't change the past and feeling guilty won't do you any favours, I'm sure you're a different person now as wouldn't do it again so don't be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself and move on Thanks

Original poster
AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 22:23

Thank you. I appreciate that. I just don't think I'll ever not feel guilty.

OP posts:
purplebloodedwoman · 22/01/2021 22:50

Hi @AllThirteen I know exactly how you feel.. I too was the OW .. not ok under any circumstances and it's so far removed from my own morals and values as a person etc I've never cheated on anyone in my life but got involved in this as the OW. It's not a justification but I was young too and I was so in love with him ... I felt tremendously guilty for years even had dreams of confessing everything multiple times and wanted to go and apologise to those affected in real life years after it was over.. but really what was I hoping to achieve.. think I just really wanted forgiveness because I felt so bad over it but it wasn't fair on them dragging all the hurt back up.. still to this day the guilt is there but I've tried to forgive myself even if it's only a bit.. I know that I never had bad intentions or set out to hurt anyone or be a home wrecker and as long as I know that I can try and move forward. You sound just like me and my situation and the fact that your writing this shows you have a conscience and are a good person. Try and be kind to yourself x

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2021 22:52

Therapy?

WouldstrokeTomHardy · 22/01/2021 22:54

Shit happens. Head up and tits out lass. Fuck em

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 22:57

Forget about it. These boards are full of cheated on wives who will think you should feel guilty for eternity. Don't give it any more thought...people do plenty worse.

Cuddling57 · 22/01/2021 23:04

Yeah it's not great but you need to forgive yourself and move on.
You weren't the only one involved, there was another person who was the one who made the vows.
Many people have made this mistake.
Why carry the guilt around with you for the rest of your life? U will be the only one miserable and it won't correct what happened.

Joinedjustforthispost · 22/01/2021 23:06

You were young and naive, we’ve probably all done stuff we’re not proud of as a young adult, Move on with your life Flowers

Joinedjustforthispost · 22/01/2021 23:07

@WouldstrokeTomHardy

Shit happens. Head up and tits out lass. Fuck em
This op !
Eekay · 22/01/2021 23:11

You did this as an inexperienced teenager.
Don't let this cloud hang over you forever.
Think about counselling.
The married man is the one who should be carrying guilt. Especially as I assume he was older than you.

AnimalLogic · 22/01/2021 23:14

If only people who did what you do all had the same conscience... It definitely should be something that has a lasting effect. Many people who cheat or knowingly have a relationship with married people get off scott free.... Nice to see some people do realise their mistakes at some stage.

Original poster
AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 23:14

I suppose the reason it still plays on my mind is because the marriage ended and I am still with the man now.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2021 23:17
Hmm
Aquamarine1029 · 22/01/2021 23:17

Are you still with him due to your guilt?

Divebar · 22/01/2021 23:18

And yet you judge other people harshly. Does that include your partner or just other people?

bitheby · 22/01/2021 23:18

Don't project your inner turmoil on to others by judging them harshly. That is so hypocritical.

category12 · 22/01/2021 23:19

Are you happy in the relationship?

evenBetter · 22/01/2021 23:19

😁 congrats on ‘winning’ a man that’s proven to be untrustworthy. What’s this thread for? Is the drama running low now that you’ve got your adulterer? Ah well, never mind.

ChimaeraEgg · 22/01/2021 23:21

He must have been a fair bit older than you if you were only 18?

Original poster
AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 23:21

It was never about winning. I'd never even been in a relationship before. I was quite a damaged teen and at the time, I didn't realise or understand the extent or seriousness of the decisions I made. And as I said, I've felt guilty about it for years.

OP posts:
ThatsAllFolks · 22/01/2021 23:21

I hope it is all going well. Don't look back. X

ChimaeraEgg · 22/01/2021 23:22

Jeez there is some major projection happening on this thread.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 23:22

@AllThirteen

I suppose the reason it still plays on my mind is because the marriage ended and I am still with the man now.
Hmm quite the drip.

No womder you still feel guilty. You're literally living with the reason for your guilt.

How old is your partner?

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