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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I was the OW...

83 replies

AllThirteen · 22/01/2021 22:10

And I'll always feel guilty.

I was eighteen years old. A virgin and had never had a relationship before.

I'll always feel tremendous guilt and if I could change the choices I made then I would.

And quite hypocritically, I now always judge those who have affairs extremely harshly.

Just wanted to get that off my chest as to this day, no one knows.

OP posts:

Itstimetoquit · 23/01/2021 13:18

Do you still want the relationship to work?

missbunnyrabbit · 23/01/2021 13:37

Why are you taking all the blame, OP? The person IN the relationship is the one who cheated, not you.

People don't like to realise this, but it's true.

AnarchicLemming · 23/01/2021 17:34

Oh stop with the self-flagellation OP. Unless you are a troll, he was a common or garden predator.

30,40, 55, how old was he?

You were an 18yo virgin. Barely an adult, and far too young to know what complete using bastards men can be.

BasiliskEgg · 23/01/2021 17:55

People don't like to realise this, but it's true.

Yep. But posters on here seem to believe that if the evil OW hadn't come along then their husbands wouldn't have cheated.

whataballbag · 23/01/2021 18:08

Why are you taking the blame OP? You were 18 years old.

Seems to be a recurring theme on here. Older man meets 10+ years younger woman having a shit time with one thing or another and it spirals from there. And it's always the woman feeling shit.

Original poster

AllThirteen · 23/01/2021 18:24

I know I'm not solely to blame and I agree, most of the fault lies with him but I still played a part, didn't I.

OP posts:

OldWomanSaysThis · 23/01/2021 19:58

Since he's the predatory type, he will probably exchange you for another young vulnerable woman at some point. This will happen either because you get "old" or he starts losing control of you and he doesn't like it. I'm guessing he has all of the power in the relationship.

SoulofanAggron · 23/01/2021 20:20

I hate it when paranoiacs on various sites/groups accuse women of being men.

Recently I've been looking over my life, such as when I was a 17 year old virgin and a 25-year-old married guy 'fell in love' with me. It's not even as big an age gap, but I've started to feel a bit weird about it.

I've been involved with several older married guys over the years. Not something I'd do again. I regretted one of the involvements as he did leave his wife for me and it's effected my life in a lot of ways (though I'm not with him anymore.)

@AllThirteen He slid into your DMs after tracking you down on FB. And he gave you all the classic married man's lines.

I'm so glad you're feeling better than you were, and don't feel like you need him for you to feel able to function or anything.

I hope you find even more happiness in future.

All you can do is make better choices, to improve upon what you did when you were young and unwell.

Has he done some things to put you off him? Part of it with mine was that because he was older he began to be less atttractive. He didn't treat me all that well at certain times either- for some reason he took me for granted, even though he had a lot of health problems and I was 14 years younger.

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