I would really like some outside perspective on a situation that I can’t really talk to anyone about in real life please.
My Husband is the high earner between us. He was made redundant from his job in the Summer last year, and came away with a fairly decent payment (enough to last us a good while in conjunction with my salary). However we have significant debts – around £20k in combined credit card debt, as well as 3 bank loans that are being steadily paid off (the debts are a hangover from a big house renovation, as well as my Husbands car purchase early last year).
During the second half of last year my Husband didn’t work, and didn’t look for work. He enjoyed himself; travelled when allowed (I didn’t go) and spend his days doing what he wanted. He has on and off talked about wanting to start a business involving retail (which I don’t think is a great idea) as well as other business ideas. Whenever I ask for details or specifics about any of these plans, he simply clams up and sulks as if I’m unreasonable for wanting the detail and not just wholeheartedly agreeing on a whim. He would dearly love to work for himself, and not have to be part of the rat race, corporate world etc, but I can’t help thinking we’re not in a financially stable enough place for this right now with the debts sitting there, and not being paid off apart from the minimum.
I didn’t begrudge him these few months at all, as he had been unhappy in work for a long time, and had worked really hard, so I figured he deserved a rest/break. We didn’t actually discuss this plan to not work for 6 months though, it just sort of transpired.
For context, I’m risk averse, and he isn’t. I take care of our joint finances, he doesn’t even ever look at the bank accounts.
We’re now at the point of having around 7/8 months worth of redundancy money left, plus about the same again in savings that we had prior to the redundancy.
He recently applied for and was interviewed for a suitable role and probably would have been offered, but the company have said they’re now putting the position on hold for 3 months initially due to lockdown etc.
To me it now seems madness to keep burning through the money, to allow him not to work. He is great at fixing things around the place, and dealing with practical stuff, but I’m working and still doing the majority of the cooking, shopping, laundry etc. He spends his days either doing practical things, or ‘tinkering’ in his ‘man cave’ or watching tv online in there. He even recently told someone that he is’ semi-retired’. This is simply not true, but I can’t help thinking that he almost believes it himself, or is living in a slight fantasy where this is possible. Whilst many people of his age do semi-retire (early 50’s), I would imagine that they do this with a solid bedrock of financial security etc. Not large debts and only a few months worth of income in the bank.
I recently suggested that he could get work doing something not related to his skills/profession etc, such as part-time delivery driver etc, just to bring in enough to cover the shortfall that we’re taking out of the savings every month, but he just walked off and sulked a bit. I sent him a couple of jobs I’d found yesterday that seemed suitable (ie well paid, matching his skill set/experience). He thanked me and told me this morning he was going to apply for them. He then said he was going to buy some items for his bike. Without thinking it through, I blurted ‘what about the job applications, isn’t that more important than your bike?’. He then immediately huffed off, muttering angrily and is now not talking to me and giving me the cold shoulder (which I know form experience will probably last at least all day today), although I think he is doing the applications.
I now feel awful and like I’m a horrible nagging wife. I think he sees me as un-supportive as I’m always cautious/unkeen when he talks about business ideas, but am now pushing him (albeit very gently) to apply for jobs. My fear is that we will just drift on and reach the point where the payment runs out, and will have to start using our small pool of previous/existing savings.
I dearly love my husband, and really do want him to be happy, but I also want us to have some financial security for the future. I feel sick everytime I think about the whole thing.