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Original poster

People who say they don't believe you.

51 replies

Danny4445 · 19/01/2021 20:06

I've no idea why people do this or what they are hoping to achieve from it. I just find it really rude and belligerent.

I've got people in my life who don't believe anything I say. They say it over the most stupid things and I'm not known as a liar.

Eg Do you shower every day?
Yes, I tend to shower every day
Even if you're not going out?
Yes
I don't believe you!

WTAF? How does this person know I don't? Who do they think they are to say they don't believe me? It's ridiculous. What are they getting from this? I'd never say that to someone, even if I didn't believe them.

What am I meant to do when someone says they don't believe me?

OP posts:
Dancingmeldew · 20/01/2021 05:32

I once had a man at work get really annoyed at me and disbelieve where to the extent he called me a liar. We were talking about where I live and he said something along the lines of it being past the bridge. I told him no there wasn't a bridge on the way to my house. He couldn't except this and got more and more annoyed the more I told him I didn't have to cross a bridge to get home. You would think he would except this but he couldn't let it go. He was right and I was a liar.
Surprisingly I did get an apology several days later when I saw him next. He had actually driven out to the place he thought I lived to disprove me. He ended up at the wrong village.

Original poster
Danny4445 · 20/01/2021 13:43

Annoying isn't it.

OP posts:
Lorieandrews · 20/01/2021 13:45

@Danny4445

It happens a lot though. I don't understand why people do it. I'm wondering if it's a power thing. My family do this all the time. I'm so pissed off with it.
I understand it

I’m very happily married. I’m incredibly lucky. Don’t get me wrong me and my husband can fight like anyone. But we’ve been together so long noe that we know what to do. But people don’t believe me. It’s strange. It doesn’t bother me though. I let it just rain off.

You’ll find that sometimes insecure people try hard to pull others down. It’s a jealous thing. They can’t stand others being happier or more successful than them. Not all the time.

ginghamtablecloths · 20/01/2021 13:50

I have replied to 'I don't believe you' with 'Are you calling me a liar?' and the answer was no. So, what's it to be then - both statements can't be right, can they? Or am I missing something?

Hexago · 20/01/2021 13:51

Answer 'I don't believe you don't believe me'. Every time.

Hexago · 20/01/2021 13:52

He had actually driven out to the place he thought I lived to disprove me.

Shock Some people really don't like being wrong, do they?

Original poster
Danny4445 · 20/01/2021 13:56

@Hexago

He had actually driven out to the place he thought I lived to disprove me.

Shock Some people really don't like being wrong, do they?

But why tell someone you don't believe them in the first place? How would someone not know where they live or if there's a bridge there?

I had an argument with someone at work and they were particularly malicious, telling me that they had contacted everyone on the team and they had all bad mouthed me and this is what they'd said. I told someone about it and they said immediately No they didn't! Why would they do that? Of course they didn't. Don't be stupid blah blah blah

Absolutely refusing to believe what I'd said. Whether they did or not, I don't know but that's what they said they had done. How can you absolutely refute what someone is telling you when you weren't there and have no idea what's gone on? That's what I find so strange about it.

I think others are right and it's a passive aggressive way of getting at you. For some reason it really winds me up not to be believed.

OP posts:
MoveAsideCherry · 20/01/2021 13:59

I know exactly what you mean op and find people that do this unbelievably rude! I once got invited to a work night out for somebody leaving who i hardly knew and didn't like particularly so wouldn't have changed plans for. When asked i said i couldn't go because my bf's friends were in town and we had arranged a meal. The woman that had asked said 'really?' Then 'i don't believe you!' infront of a whole office of people. In the end it turned out she didn't go either and flaked out!

MoveAsideCherry · 20/01/2021 14:02

Also forgot to mention she also said 'you're lying!' I havent a history of lying and was known for being honest so she had no excuse to try and humiliate me into going! As if i would have changed my mind and went 'yes you got me, I'll go on it now!' 😂

Enough4me · 20/01/2021 14:06

I'm quite blunt direct so think it would be weird for someone to say this to me.

Do you tend to talk slowly or show that you are reflecting on questions, or does your body language potentially show doubt?

If not, then you have bored family who get a rise out of making you feel awkward.

Original poster
Danny4445 · 20/01/2021 14:08

The woman sounds bonkers @MoveAsideCherry Some people don't know how to keep their thoughts to themselves. Leaves you fumbling around as well, not knowing how to handle it.

OP posts:
MoveAsideCherry · 20/01/2021 14:15

I know i remember feeling so humiliated even though i was telling the truth. I was perfectly in my rights to use a white lie if i had have wanted to or polite excuse, or even not give a reason at all and she had no right to do that.
I don't think anyone should speak to another adult that way as it is incredibly childish. That person was definately out of order saying that to you op.

Mrsmummy90 · 20/01/2021 14:33

Whenever someone says "I don't believe you." I reply with "you don't have to" and a shrug.
Usually shuts them up

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 20/01/2021 14:38

Don't caught up in defending your position in a situation that doesn't matter. In minor, but annoying situations, I have been known to offer them my mobile and say, "Here. Call someone who cares". Passive aggressive, but generally stops the silliness.

CryingHelps · 20/01/2021 18:16

What's worse is the unspoken 'I don't believe you'!!
I had a situation today where unknown to the person, I witnessed a conversation, so know the full facts - it was along the lines of A said that B said xxxx. I said no they didn't, because I was there etc. The person then said 'oh, that's strange' - an unspoken 'I don't believe you'.

twoshedsjackson · 20/01/2021 18:45

The most argumentative child I ever had once disputed my true name; he'd spotted the double initial on the name of the class, and had figured the second initial as my surname, so asked me what the first one was. So I told him, truthfully, my slightly unusual first name. To which he retorted, "No it's not, it's (more common name beginning with the same letter)" I just laughed and told him that I had the advantage of having been at the christening, which admittedly he couldn't have witnessed without time travelling..........it still baffles me.
In his case, the only explanation I can think of is the rather sad one that his mother sometimes lied to him, home was very unstable, he was taken into care more than once, he'd learned not to take anything at face value. Perhaps it was my cue to protest vehemently and offer proof. Whatever, there was no point in arguing the odds.
Perhaps if you put on a serious face and agreed with them...but indifference is probably the best way to close the conversation down.

Opentooffers · 20/01/2021 18:53

Its simple, the person asking about shower habits, doesn't have one every day if not going out, so their belief is that others do the same. Its not personal to you, they just want to feel that others do as they are doing. This is quite insignificant as a bugbear to me, fare more important things in life to be bothered about.

RantyAnty · 20/01/2021 19:13

Have experienced this in the past.
It's very strange.

Riapia · 20/01/2021 19:24

I always assume if someone says “I don’t believe you” they are not to be trusted.

Same with those who say “ to be truthful”.
Why would they say that. Obviously frequent liars.

lightand · 21/01/2021 07:00

Could be this. Confirmation bias. They want to hang on to their current belief so defend it strongly, even when they are shown they could be quite wrong
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/words-matter/201810/why-people-ignore-facts

When having a question about why someone does something, if you google the question, and put psychology today in front of the question, some possible answers and reasons pop up.

lightand · 21/01/2021 07:02

The less modern word is stubborn?

SeaEagleFeather · 21/01/2021 07:58

short answer?

They don't know how to behave well.

other elements:

  • they come from a family culture where that is normal. Terrible one really, but if that's what they've grown up with ...
  • some sort of weird power play
  • lacking Theory of Mind - understanding that not everyone is like them and people can do things, shock, differently to them.

You can't really relax and communicate with someone who comes out with that kind of crap though!

"You don't have to" sounds the best reply :)

Flyg · 21/01/2021 10:22

I'm sure every time I have encountered this I have responded with just "ok"

Its not something that gets under my skin so its easy for me to shrug it off. If it annoyed me I would probably confront the person very directly and ask if they were calling me a liar. Make it clear you dont like what they said to you, by responding in a way they probably wont like.

Pyewhacket · 21/01/2021 10:44

Had this recently. I work in NHS Critical Care and a friend of mine asked me what it is like at the moment. When I told her she just said, " I'm sorry but I don't believe you ". I didn't know quite how to respond to that so I ended the call without saying anything.

StephenBelafonte · 21/01/2021 15:54

@Pyewhacket thats horrible, it sounds like she was just gunning for an argument.

I've had the last laugh on a couple of occasions where this has happened to me though.

Once, a know-all busy body i worked in an office with said she was going down to the station to buy her train ticket for a trip she was making that week-end and that she had just taken £20 out of cashpoint. I said £20 wasn't enough it was more like £30 (I did the trip regularly). She said she didn't believe me. I said "OK then" and let her go. Well that was a bus ride and an hour of her life wasted when she came back empty handed because she didn't have enough money lol. I admit I smirked. I'm like well, why would I lie about it?

Another time was with my ex, we were at his parents and I told him I could smell gas - he didn't believe me either and as we were all about to leave the house on a day trip, and because I was so fed up with him dismissing everything I said, and because it wasn't my property, I just left it and we all went out. Sure enough, the boiler had blown when we got back. That cost them £800. I smirked then too (but not in front of them)

I guess what i'm trying to say is, unless it directly affects you, just let it go.