Please help me - what do I do

[spongebobscaredypants]

Can someone please tell me what to do, my and DH haven't been great. I'm not happy, he's good dad etc but inconsiderate and takes me for granted.

Ok I've just been on his iPad and his messages are there. I had a look, I don't know why but I did. He's been arranging to meet a prostitute. He's posted her underwear, I can't tell for definite if he's been but he's currently messaging her to meet tomorrow at 11.

Do I ring him now and tell him to fuck off or shall I wait to see if he goes tomorrow? I have her address so could get proper proof. But I think I already have enough proof, I also track him on my find friends. All the family are on, shall I catch him on that?

You are married to this man and thus have rights in law; exercise those fully by seeking legal advice asap.

I would tell him you know and tell him to go to his mother's house this evening. You do not need any more proof and the fact that you are unhappy anyway (you write he is inconsiderate and takes you for granted) is more than good enough reason to part ways.

Please do not call him a good dad; women in poor relationships often write this type of crap when they themselves can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. He is NOT a good dad to his child if he has and continues to treat you as this child's mother with such contempt and disdain. He is no decent example of a father to his child.

Oh OP I have no idea what you should do but I'm sending you strength and sorry you've found these messages.

If it were me, I'd possibly wait outside the address to see if he's meeting her there

Personally as he knocks on her door I’d walk around the corner and tell him his things will be in the door step when he’s finished.

I would just tell him to fuck off now, why prolong what he intends to do, he's probably already done do in the past sadly. Even if it is his first time, he's already arranged to cheat on you, tell him fuck off, get out, your stuff is on the doorstep.

How absolutely awful for you. You don't need more proof, you have enought. I would tell him to go and speak to a solicitor asap. Regardless of whether he has slept with anyone, he has betrayed you.
Ignore any whinging about him feeling unloved or you don't pay him enough attention or it's better that an affair; that's all a crock of s**t.
You will get wonderful support on MN. Good Luck .

For me, sending those messages is enough to end the marriage. I don’t need to know whether he follows through or not. Be prepared for him to deflect and focus on how dare you read his private messages. Don’t engage with that. We are through, pack your stuff and get out!

I would keep that information to myself for a little while. Screen shot all his messages to the prostitute etc. Let him go to tomorrow's meeting and screen shot the info that he's at a certain location.

Use tomorrow morning to get all the important papers together and some where else.

Then you can tell him or you may prefer to take legal advice and just have him served with divorce papers.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Don’t say a word to him. I’d go to the address , see if he goes in, if he does I’d be waiting for him to exit, let him see me and then leave him in shock. Cheeky git, how dare he!

I would leave him for the messages alone but to save the whole ‘I was never going to go through with it’ nonsense I would get evidence of him being there.

Waiting outside when he comes out would be perfect if you can stomach it. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’d do the same as pp....I’d wait to see him going in and as he’s coming out stand there so he sees you and then walk away. I’d take photos/screenshots of all the messages and then put my ducks in a row, as they say.

I'm so sorry OP. This is awful. What a piece of shit. Nobody deserves that.

Honestly, if you can, the best thing is to get copies of all financial information you can lay your hands on. Take pictures of payslips, pension details, mortgage or tenancy info, savings accounts etc.

If you can manage to get all that stuff together before confronting him it will help you if he later tries to hide money in the divorce. More urgently, if you have shared accounts you might want to move half of the money out now, to prevent him draining them when confronted. If your wages go into a shared account, get this changed immediately. If you don't have any accounts that he can't access, set one up now - monzo or starling are good options, all you need is a smartphone and a passport or driving license. They do ID verification via your phone camera, card arrives in the post a couple of days later.

Do you have enough money to get a consultation with a solicitor?

Screen shot it all incase he is a convincing liar! Then confront him with the evidence and see what he has to say for himself. For him to post her underwear, that’s a lot of thought and effort - expense too!

Hi op, I snooped at your other posts and saw that you’ve been unhappy for a while. See this as a lucky escape - something that will mean you have to leave, rather than it dragging on and on. I think maybe seeing him going in will reinforce that - there won’t be any what ifs. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this shit xx

Thanks everyone, if wasn't in me to keep my mouth shut. He rang at 16.45 to say on his way home and asking what's for tea and I hit the fucking roof. Told him bag outside, cried, screamed. He came banging begging for 5 mins promised when he went there he bottled it, she dressed up for him (his fantasy) but he couldn't go through with it, so tomorrow was for a second run apparently but he knows he wouldn't of done it because he loves me too much!!

I just told him I found him vile, I need space he left the house crying. I've since had suicide messages which I am replying to and telling him he is a dad and he can't do that to kids etc. Lots of phone calls but I'm not answering

The suicide threats are just lies to worm his way back in.

@Feelingchicken99

Personally as he knocks on her door I’d walk around the corner and tell him his things will be in the door step when he’s finished.

This

Dirty bastard.

The suicide threats are manipulation. And even if they’re not - you didn’t do this, he did.

Tell him you’re going to call the police and tell them he’s suicidal.

What a load of bollocks. It’s his fault. Block him for now. Get in touch when you’ve calmed down to organise dcs

Oh they NEVER go through with it!!!

Wait, so he couldn’t go through with it the first time but booked a second visit to not go through with it again? Does he think you’re stupid?

The threats of suicide are pure manipulation. Do not engage with it. Don’t acknowledge it. He’s panicking because the games up. He’ll try anything now. I’d block him, certainly overnight and until whenever you are ready to speak to him about practical things. I hope you have some support

Thanks so much ladies, in bed with the kids watching a favourite film. I've poured myself a glass of wine, there goes dry January. Not heard anything in a couple of hours.

I just can't believe, I had a distant friend who's a family lawyer she's going to call me tomorrow l. What do I need to ask? X

Op I had something similar happen with long term partner a few years ago- he used every excuse under the sun- he was .”hacked”, didn’t actually do anything etc etc- I left him and have never looked back. You’ll never trust him again and that is HIS own doing- suicide threats are pure manipulative bs-hope your friend can advise you properly 💐

Ended up caving on the suicide texts; I was tracking him and he was in a lay-by off nearest motorway services. He wouldn't answer calls or texts, so I rang police. They've just left. They went out and found him, he said he wasn't suicidal, but they advised him he couldn't sleep in his car so have escorted him to hotel.

Worst day of my life

Your a bigger woman than myself well done for making sure he’s ok not that he deserves it in the slightest,