Husband will not speak to me

[Nothing77]

Long back story here (which I won’t go into) but h and I had an argument a few nights ago and he has ignored me since, to the point of ignoring me in front of our ds aged 3 and 2 dsc.

He did this in the last lockdown and we didn’t speak for almost 2 months. It really ground me down to the point that I couldn’t work, sleep and ended up at the gp asking for sleeping pills. We managed to get back on track whilst seeing a counsellor.

I’m not sure how to cope with it again this time round. Although I get out of the flat to work sometime, I have nowhere else to go and am worried about my dc being affected by this. My family leave over 2 hours away anyway and obviously not allowed to travel right now.

There are a few issues in our marriage which have been precipitated by sc coming to live with us full time, no space and the behaviour of one of the sdc plus h’s refusal to get help for said sdc. Not to mention h’s attitude towards parenting in general.

How do I get through is in lockdown and avoid falling into such a bad state again?

Why do you want to be with him ?
Why are you staying in this relationship?

You have to realise if not for you but your child that he will grow up and copy what he sees. Staying you will help create him to grow up to very likely accept being abused or be an abuser. Both aren't great prospects.

How on earth did you get up the aisle to this waiting man 😳

It seems you've already acknowledged that there's no future in your marriage but you don't want to be the one to leave the marital home and think he should leave instead.

Why do you think your desire to stay, with 1 child, trumps his desire to stay with his other 2 children?

2 children that you say have already 'been dumped' by their mother who they haven't seen for over a year.

2 children that you're blaming for the breakdown in your marriage. You've said that you're upset that your husband moved them in without discussing this with you. What did you want to happen to the 2 of them instead? Would it have made you any happier if your husband also turned his back on them? I really hope that's not the kind of husband you'd want for yourself or father for your own child.

1 of those children you've started a separate thread about and have said you have no relationship with. He's 11 years old, has been abandoned by his mother, you more or less ignore him and then go on to complain is too clingy with his father.

I think we're getting a very one-sided view here, to fit your own narrative. While I'm not excusing your husband's actions you're effectively asking him to choose you over his children.

To be fair OP did say in other thread that DH devotes all his time to his 16 & 10 yr old children, doesn't speak with her much or spend time with their 3 yr old, gets in foul mood with his 10 yr old and then takes it out on OP. & She also has to ask/beg him to 'help' with the 3 yr old they have together.

Not something a woman would find easy/normal to put up with.

Either way this relationship is dead in the water. Someone needs to make a move to end it, get the house sold etc.

I doubt he'd want 50/50 custody with 3 yr old or if he does ask for and get this, it will fizzle out as he doesn't even sound that bothered about him now.

OP since your H is unlikely to go and he has 2 DC it makes sense for you to go whilst all this is sorted out.

The alternative is putting up posts here from time to time about the same things which I suppose is an outlet for life frustration, but ultimately won't really resolve anything.

If it's about the house - bricks and mortar aren't a salve for misery

Thanks all. No doubt it’s fairly dead. I am not paying to have joint counselling (even if he agrees to it) again. I keep hoping it will get better but seems to get worse during every lockdown...
Just need to make sure I think through logically and look at finances. Planning yo put ds in prep school next year and I was to contribute greater fee (long story) so mère yo think.

The other alternative is effectively an open marriage or where we live together for the sake of ds. Don’t think that will work either.

@Nothing77

The other alternative is effectively an open marriage or where we live together for the sake of ds. Don’t think that will work either.

Of course it won't work. Home is fundamental to our wellbeing.

Why were you going to pay more school fees than him when he earns a lot more than you?

Seems he doesn't like you or your child much, OP.
What a terrible life for you to lead with him. I'd seriously work on getting everything together to leave him - I don't suppose he'd even be that bothered about having access to your child together, he'd be too busy with the older 2.

He would ask to see ds more out of spite and wanting to show everyone what a good dad he is...which is how he presents himself with the stepchildren.
It’s a long story re school fees and potentially outing, but it’s to do with us having a difference of opinion about which school - the school I like costs more, so he refuses to pay more than the fees for his preferred school. So I’m footing most of the bill. That’s another issue which is worrying if we split up.

@Nothing77

He would ask to see ds more out of spite and wanting to show everyone what a good dad he is...which is how he presents himself with the stepchildren. It’s a long story re school fees and potentially outing, but it’s to do with us having a difference of opinion about which school - the school I like costs more, so he refuses to pay more than the fees for his preferred school. So I’m footing most of the bill. That’s another issue which is worrying if we split up.

Hugs to you. I was married to a twat like this. You will find a way out.

The other alternative is effectively an open marriage or where we live together for the sake of ds. Don’t think that will work either

How do you know he'd even agree to an open marriage? What if he doesn't?

You may want to stay in the marriage for the sake of (a) remaining in the house and (b) your H contributing to DS school fees but to be honest there's always a price to pay somehow.

If you want to stay for the bricks and mortar and money, then you will actively have to find a way to put up with your H's sulks and the issues you have with your stepchild.

The best laid plans and all that...When somebody else is involved there is no way of choosing their reaction to your vision of the plan