NC for this.
DH keeps control of all finances. Gives me a monthly ‘salary’ which is quite generous for food and daily expenses. Anything outside that I have to ask him for it and he usually says no. But that’s ok cause it’s probably only for crap like clothes that I have enough of. DH earns 6 figures but more in the higher end of 6 figures- for context. I had my own little corporate job earning about £45k so when we had children I gave it up to look after them. So I’ve lost my career and I suppose it hurts a bit that I have to ask him for £££ every time I need/ want anything. DH is a good father to DD and DS. A bit more in love with DD who is 5 then DS 3. DD has realised this and has started manipulating him quite a bit. For e.g. today she didn’t want to do her maths school work so started screaming and crying knowing well that he’d come to her rescue. He comes down and gives me a push on my shoulder and asks me to get out. This is the first time he’s done it but every time this has happened he’s gone straight to her and shouted at me. I’m beginning to feel he’s abusing me. My mother stayed in an abusive relationship or at least it seemed to me it was from where I was standing because like me she had nowhere to go. I don’t know if I am doing the same. I’m willing to accept that I’m overthinking this and it was only a little push. So please talk some sense into me. I’ve been crying the whole day and my head hurts! Also, other then these 2 things he’s a good husband.
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Relationships
Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship???
Imaybeinanabusiverelationship · 15/01/2021 18:25
@Imaybeinanabusiverelationship I am sorry to say things will only get worse, not better, if he believed he is the custodian of the family’s fortunes, and his way is law. Somewhere along the way, upon have become ‘the staff’ with a corresponding wage/allowance, and not an equal shareholder in the household.
Next thing he will be giving you a small increase’ in line with inflation like you are a minimum wage worker.
Where does all the money go? Did you mean high six figures like £700k+? Do you go on nice holidays? Have you a nice home that you both enjoy?
And just to check if your experience mirrors mine - do you get expensive gifts as your ‘bonus’ without any say? (Possibly projecting here but curious).
[quote TinaTurnoff]@Imaybeinanabusiverelationship I am sorry to say things will only get worse, not better, if he believed he is the custodian of the family’s fortunes, and his way is law. Somewhere along the way, upon have become ‘the staff’ with a corresponding wage/allowance, and not an equal shareholder in the household.
Next thing he will be giving you a small increase’ in line with inflation like you are a minimum wage worker.
Where does all the money go? Did you mean high six figures like £700k+? Do you go on nice holidays? Have you a nice home that you both enjoy?
And just to check if your experience mirrors mine - do you get expensive gifts as your ‘bonus’ without any say? (Possibly projecting here but curious).
[/quote]
Yes to pretty much all you have asked. Including the increase in wages
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