Can someone please help me?

[opentehgardengate]

Husband has left temporarily. I've been seeking help and been advised he's a narcissist. He completely is from what I've read. Scarily so. Abusive for 30 years.

In a mess. Don't want to go on. Every second is pain. Not because he's gone but because I'm broken and because of the pain and bad feeling he's caused in the house for years.

I can't split with him long term. No money and other reasons.

I don't want to be here. Can't kill myself as I have children.

No one cares. Literally no one. Maybe it's me. Probably is. I wish I could go and I can't. I've told a family member how desperate I feel and they didn't check on me today. It was a massive thing for me to speak out but they don't really care so now I think I shouldn't have done that. Ive fallen out with all my other family because I spoke out about things - it's years of extreme stuff that I can't put on here but beatings, violence etc

No one cares. I've phoned Samaritans twice today and that's what it's come to. The pain is unbearable.

Here with a handhold @opentehgardengate. No advice beyond what PPs have said. Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling? Not a panacea but antidepressants have helped make my anxiety and panic manegable. I tried to reach out to a friend recently and no response. I know she's got a lot going on and trying to remember it's most likely about where she is than me. Hard when I have crippling social anxiety and DH has made me feel worthless and destroyed the little confidence and self esteem I had. I know it's not for everyone but it helps me to remember I've survived everything life's thrown at me. I tell myself I will get through this for my kids. I know DH would mess up our kids mentally if I was gone and I remember how bad losing my mum was. So remembering that helps me. But I needed the antidepressants first, before I was panicking and too overwhelmed.

@opentehgardengate
About your inability to cope, could you try to imagine your DH has been taken to hospital, or even working away? For both of these situations, you would have to cope without him, and it may be the break you need to realise how well you can manage without him.

It’s good that your children are older - you don’t have to be tied to this awful man for years to come.

You don’t think you’d manage because you’ve have years of abuse to break you down.

I’m telling you that you can cope. None of us would choose this, but when it’s the only way out we make it work

If I were you I’d try to split sooner than later. If your DC are still at school or college you will be entitled to some financial support, which could be the difference between being financially ok and not. You’ll get back on your feet in no time, once you build up your self esteem but in the meantime you could get support to leave him.

It sounds like your family are desensitised to abuse and violence if it’s prevalent in your wider family circle, so that may be why they’re not taking it as seriously as you expected.

Please see your GP about feeling suicidal - they can point you to resources, potentially prescribe some meds and hopefully make sure you have the support you need to move on.

Thank you so much everyone. I'm reading everything and will reply properly, hopefully tomorrow.

Take care xxx

Is anyone awake please?

Yes awake . Hope you're okay op x

Thanks for replying. Not okay unfortunately. This is so painful. People can treat you this badly then leave you with the pain. That's hard to take.

It is hard. Speak to the gp when they are open.

I will.

He's a monster. I can't get away from him at the moment. I'm too broken and unwell and financially dependent.

It's better to be a monster in life. You manage better

Can you look into a shelter for abused women and their children ? Ask the gp or the council . I'm not sure how the process works, maybe the police can refer you too?

You poor love. Sending you truck loads of love, flowers and hugs from NZ. You are so strong, more than you even realise. It was very wise of you to post on this forum because others will give you a lot of support, love and wise words. You are so worth it and there are many people who love the person you are. Please, please hang in there. We will support you my love.

I should also say that many can't understand the pain you are in unless they have been there themselves. Also, people tend to forget this pain because they move onto a better place. We are with you.

Hi OP just checking in on you. Sorry you had a rough night. One step at a time.

I can't get away from him at the moment. I'm too broken and unwell and financially dependent.

You know, many of us have been broken, unwell, dependent...and much more. It’s so hard to see through it when you are suffering in it, but honestly each one of those things can change if you want it to. I don’t think I have the words to describe the pain and the immense struggle I went through to get better when I had a lot of stuff going on, and I didn’t know if I could do it or if I could get better. I just knew I had to keep taking each step forwards. So think about that. What is your next step forwards? It doesn’t have to be big or life changing. Today it can be as simple as being kind to yourself, getting dressed and feeding yourself - self care is huge. Maybe in a few days you can start to think about talking to a Gp? Antidepressants may just give you a bit of a lift. You haven’t mentioned much about your situation with H so I don’t know how trapped you are or if you can seek help, but certainly worth considering when you feel you can.

Thinking of you

Hello lovely people

Got through the day today much better. Awful stomach pain anxiety when I woke up and throughout the morning but I felt clearer in my mind. Phoned Samaritans again in the morning.

The prick (sorry if that offends anyone) contacted me late evening which set me back. Anxiety and self hatred again but I'm okay.

I can't believe it's come to this and me completing hating him but my word I see what a horrible selfish bully he is.

Thank you so much again for all your kind words. I'm still reading and they all help so much. Some things that have been said are an epiphany and I will keep reading. Thank you for giving me strength.

Nice update OP. Keep on keeping on. Do something just for yourself today - like light a scented candle, or rub some scented lotion on your hands. Tiny things that make you smile.

I can't do this. I don't know what to do.

Hi @opentehgardengate!
Sorry to hear that you're struggling tonight. Has anything in particular happened to cause you to feel so low today?

Thank you for replying. I'm no better than two weeks ago. I'm trying to stay strong for children and can't do it. I need to leave. I need to be in hospital or something. Close to contacting my mother but she's abusive too so I know that's a bad idea. Don't know what to do

He's a narcissist I've recently learnt. He's destroyed me. Wish he hadn't but I'm totally ruined.

Op . Just a handhold and a hug, I have no helpful advice but someone will come along soon with some... Just to let you know you are not alone x

Thank you

@opentehgardengate
I'm awake and here if you would like to chat

I'm so scared for tomorrow. I can't do it. He's been so cruel and holds all the finances. I don't deserve this. I knew he was a bully from day one. I hate myself for being such a weak failure when I first met him.

@opentehgardengate

Sorry if I'm abit confused but has he come back home now?

Do you have friends you can talk to?