Crap in bed

[Crappysex]

Hi basically I'm thinking I'm crap in bed
I lost my virginity late and the guy told me it was shit and got rid of me after a few shags
When my marriage was failing he told me the sex was crap when we were having fertility treatments, thanks mate.
I then had 2 one night stands and neither of them have ever got back to me so yeah I'm summising I'm shit in bed

I’m sure you’re not
You’ve had some horribly rude partners which is very unlucky

I don't think so op, your exh said that when the marriage was failing, it just wanted to hurt you. ONS's they are only looking for a quick one so not surprising they didn't get in touch, when your a virgin I don't think anyone is a sex goddess the first few times so don't be hard on yourself, your just over thinking it.

I'm just staying single now. I dont want to like someone and they get rid of me being I'm crap lol

You’re not crap lol
Learn what you like yourself, find some female friendly erotica and enjoy it

How were they in bed?

Only 1 was good, 1 was average and 2 were crap but I'm not going to tell them that

Tbh when I was married we barely had sex

Well then why are you 'retiring' when they were hardly Mr Golden Dicks?? You can be sure as hell they're not resigning themselves to a life of celibacy believing they're shit in bed. Stop beating yourself up, your self esteem sounds on the floor and they have just given you an extra kicking.

Don't forget, practice makes perfect

Hi OP. Do you enjoy sex? Do you feel positive about it?

I don’t believe anyone is universally good or bad in bed. It depends on so many things. Chemistry, confidence, how you’re feeling about yourself and the other person.

Do you know what you like in bed or has sex been something that just happens?

Men find enthusiasm universally sexy.

Did you actually enjoy it? Was there anything to get enthusiastic about?

@Crappysex

Hi basically I'm thinking I'm crap in bed I lost my virginity late and the guy told me it was shit and got rid of me after a few shags When my marriage was failing he told me the sex was crap when we were having fertility treatments, thanks mate. I then had 2 one night stands and neither of them have ever got back to me so yeah I'm summising I'm shit in bed

A person is as good as the person they are with, IMO. Both partners need to be engaging and engaged.

I do enjoy it yeah. I just feel a bit meh about bothering again if I'm going to be abused afterwards and told its crap or ignored

I actually want more sex but never happens

You need to find someone you have a connection with outside of the bedroom in my opinion- then the sex is much better.

@Crappysex you probably weren't very good but not because you aren't but because you didn't feel comfortable. From the sounds of this loser I don't believe he made you feel like a sexual goddess.

I say this because I went 7years and the first guy I got with made me feel insecure, I liked him but he didn't create a sense of passion. He seemed to have issues keeping his dick hard and I think he put that on me.

Well that lasted a few weeks, then I had a ONS with a 6 ft 21 yr old ( I was 29 at the time) damn that was a hell of a night, we met up again but then I started dating my ex dp.

With my ex dp again, I was open and confident to say I don't want to do that or let's try. He made me feel beautiful and special.
So sexually I was.
Then a few years later he started cheating, guess what, I started to feel like I was shit in bed again.

This was just before I found out, because I was getting a feeling from him.

What I am trying to say is we take sexual feeling from the other person. So it's not you are crap at sex it's that the situation isn't right. Sex isn't hard at all, but self love and feeling secure is.

I thought I had that with my ex but he was an arse. I cannot believe my sex life is over in my 30s

I think it depends on who you're sleeping with, that elusive chemistry. I've had encounters that were steaming hot and I know the men enjoyed it too, others where it was lacklustre for us both. You haven't met the right man yet to make it incredible for you both, if the chemistry is right it will come naturally to you.

Did you share with your second partner that you are insecure about this/have previously received criticism? If yes it's likely that he merely said that to hurt you because he knew about the first guy's comments. I agree with PP, the fact that your ONS didn't ask to see you again means nothing, they were merely looking for a one-time thing.

I didn't share that with my exh as I didnt think it was relevant

The ONS's don't mean anything. At all. And the 2 ex partners sound like twats. I think good sex really does take 2. I've had shite sex (both of us being shite) and great sex. I think good chemistry helps, not giving a shit about how I look and just letting myself enjoy it.

My ex said I was shit in bed. I was with him 10 years. He made me feel shit, and sex would be over in 3 seconds. I then had a fair few ONS's (don't judge me haha) and I never heard from them again and my current partner thinks I'm the best person in bed ever. But then he makes me the best person ever .

I really, really wouldn't let what they said get into your head. I know it's hard, but it's speaks more about them than you.

I don't believe there is such a thing as objectively good in bed or bad in bed (apart from when someone is completely selfish in bed) - it's all about the chemistry and fit of the two people involved.

I think someone can be great in bed to the right person, and it might be shit with someone else.

We all have different things that work for us and 'though there are techniques and experience, it's just about paying attention and that element of sexual chemistry.

It sounds like you haven't actually had a lot of fun or experience sexually and that your exes are jerks, so don't give up.

What does being crap in bed actually mean? Unenthusiastic? Not participating much? Shy? Unsure? If that’s the case, don’t do it with that person. Hold on until you meet someone kind and considerate and who you find very attractive. Connection is everything. It’s a big world out there, don’t just give up. Explore your own body alone and find out what you really enjoy.

Being alone with so little experience in my 30s is crap though. I'm not scared of being single but this lack of sex is shite.

@Crappysex I'm 34. Met my partner 6 months ago. Lockdown doesn't help meeting people. But I'd get a vibrator to learn what you enjoy and then when we're out of plague life the world is your oyster!

I'm 34 too. I feel like I'm at a weird age lol