Crap in bed

[Crappysex]

Hi basically I'm thinking I'm crap in bed
I lost my virginity late and the guy told me it was shit and got rid of me after a few shags
When my marriage was failing he told me the sex was crap when we were having fertility treatments, thanks mate.
I then had 2 one night stands and neither of them have ever got back to me so yeah I'm summising I'm shit in bed

I needed fertility treatment so I know all about wanting a child

@Whatisthisfuckery

OP, when a man says you’re shit in bed he means one of the following:

1. I’m trying to hurt you.

1. She wouldn’t let me do anal.

1. I jumped on and fucked her as hard as I could and she still wasn’t happy.

1. She didn’t make porno noises.

Most men are shit in bed OP. Most of them couldn’t give a fuck whether the woman they’re shagging is having an orgasm or tensing up in pain. I’d no more trust a man’s assessment of a woman’s shagging ability than I would trust Boris Johnson to raise my child. Try sleeping with a woman instead, it’s much better and you’re far more likely to have an orgasm.

How would you know that most men are shit in bed? Sounds like a bit of a generalisation.

Is it just me or does OP sound a bit robotic? Making statements and not actually answering any questions 🤔
Is this for real?

Yeah I love coming on here telling the world I'm shit in bed. It makes me feel great. as per the questions it's been so long since I've had sex ive almost forgotten what to do anyway !

So have you posted here to tell us that you know you are shit in bed or are you open to listening to some of the very good advice on here about making positive adjustments and not giving up completely on good future sex? If your mind is already made up then that’s a real shame.

Nah I came to vent really and ask other peoples experiences.

@Crappysex

I needed fertility treatment so I know all about wanting a child

That’s a different matter. You are wrong to say that 34 is too old to have a child.

What’s with all the sweeping statements?

On s personal level it feels too old for me.

Supposing you are crap in bed (and I'm not saying you are), do you have any idea why? What exactly you've been doing wrong?

It seems unusually cruel and direct for someone to say a thing like that, so it's hard to believe there isn't more to it, such as them wanting to hurt you or something to do with power.

If they are people who are comfortable saying 'You're crap in bed' without attempting any tact or diplomacy, or they're not making contact after having sex, I'm imagining they're not the most sensitive to people's needs either.

Did you think the sex with them was mind blowing, or did you think it was a bit crap, too?

@Crappysex

On s personal level it feels too old for me.

But you seem quite negative about yourself generally.

Crap in bed and going to give up on men.
Too old for kids at 34

Could you be depressed? Perhaps you should see your GP and/or a counsellor. Seems like your perception of yourself and your future are on the black side and unrealistically so.

But you seem quite negative about yourself generally.

Crap in bed and going to give up on men.
Too old for kids at 34 hmm

Could you be depressed? Perhaps you should see your GP and/or a counsellor. Seems like your perception of yourself and your future are on the black side and unrealistically so.

Second all of this.

You are telling yourself a load of rubbish and passing it off as true. You need help in looking at your thought patterns and negative thinking traps which are affecting your behaviours and limiting your life.

It’s not you.

It’s the way you are thinking that needs to change.

You sound defeatist and like you have given up. Ultimately only you can help yourself. Anything we suggest will be shot down in a cloud of negativity. Talk to your GP or self refer to your IAPT.

I do think men can pick up when you are feeling low or not confident in yourself and than they will say stuff to make you feel even worse about yourself. I think it's more about improving your self belief and confidence, and once you can do that you will feel more confident and attract better men. Any decent man wants you to feel better about yourself especially after been intimate with him. If he doesn't and wants to tear you down, he isn't worth your time in the first place.

“you seem quite negative about yourself generally.

Crap in bed and going to give up on men.
Too old for kids at 34 hmm

Could you be depressed? Perhaps you should see your GP and/or a counsellor. Seems like your perception of yourself and your future are on the black side and unrealistically so.”

This with bells on.

My exh said I was rubbish, too vanilla (he was too keen on porn for my liking!) whereas my dp things I'm adventurous. With the right man you are just right!

Most bad sex is down to bad chemistry. It willbe good with the right person.

However there are a few things that most people will count as bad sex.

For men: too rough with fingers so it hurts, selfish with orgasms, no foreplay, two thrusts and done or conversely taking forever so it gets sore.

For women: lying there like a plank, toothy oral

Plenty more is down to preference but this is not an obstacle with the right person and good communication (verbal and non verbal).

I wish I enjoyed sex. I find it physically painful. I used to put on a right show-noises-the works & those guys thought I was great in bed! In recent years I’ve been more authentic & most probably shite. I don’t plan on doing it again unless I fall in love ... I do wonder about the whole ‘good in bed’ or bad in bed thing. Seems a bit silly.

Sex is squishy, messy fun, not to be taken too seriously.

Don’t be embarrassed about yourself, your partner will also have hang ups- so what!

Be enthusiastic and engaged, or don’t bother.

Don’t be selfish.

Neither of you are mind readers, so if you want something different say so.

My exh said I was rubbish, too vanilla (he was too keen on porn for my liking!) whereas my dp things I'm adventurous. With the right man you are just right!
Yep me too. I now think being "good in bed" is not a quality one person possesses, its a dynamic between a couple.
So if your partner says you are shit in bed, that's equally on them as you. In fact more so because what kind of loving respectful partner demeans someone like that.

Not sure how you could be shit in bed. I mean maybe a man could be if they don’t have any rhythm (or clue what they’re doing) but even then the woman could take the reins. Are you adventurous with positions? Or are you always sticking to the same one (ie; missionary)?

I’d buy some sex toys like dildos and vibrators and explore your body. Also if your capable of not forming an emotional aspect to relationships maybe try and befriend a fuck buddy? Someone you can trust who could tell you what they like etc without being so nasty. Ignore these men, they’re immature pricks.

Being sexy and good in bed is all about confidence, you sound really down
Do you know what you like? Do you play on your own? Fall in love with yourself first

And FWIW I dated loads after I left my marriage and I only met one guy who wasn't keen to take it further because of my kids (I have five!!!), make it clear you don't want more children, be open and honest and positive

So many threads on MN where the OP just disappears!

^ yes. I’m thinking they were just after sexy stories

⬆️Quite possibly!

How is a woman bad at sex? I can understand a man being bad .. doesn't try to pleasure a woman, but what does a woman do or not do to be bad at sex? Men have a happy ending usually don't they? I had a fwb for a while who cum very quick and never made me cum. I would consider that a crap shag.