Can my marriage work after infidelity?

[Oranges146]

I'm looking for advice and people's experiences in this area. My relationship has had a lot of ups and downs but to cut a long story short I had an affair (I don't need to know what a scum bag I am, I'm already aware). I regret what's happened and what to fix my marriage which my DH really wants to do too. I just don't know how to do this, does trust and forgiveness come with time? Things have definitely ended with the OM and had done before DH found out but part of the problem is I work with OM. I can't just quit my job for financial reasons and I also love my job. Understandably DH doesn't want me to go back to work. Is there any way things can work in your experiences?

I wouldn’t leave your job. How long have you been married? If you were happy you wouldn’t have cheated. Now that you have, I doubt either of you will be happy together again. Take this as a hard learned lesson, move on & find someone that you don’t want to cheat on, & let your husband do the same. Ruining your career will not fix this relationship.

I think things are going to implode when you go back to work, honestly.

@Bangs00 thanks for sharing your experience. When you say you wouldn't be blackmailed over it, what do you mean? We both want to make things work and I'm hoping in time it we'll get easier and we can start to move forward.

@Ladyks3 we do both want to try and salvage our relationship and work through all the problems in the hope that one day we will be stronger again.

@Aquamarine1029 I know, I don't want to go back to work but I need to face it at some point until I can find something else

@Aquamarine1029 I know, I don't want to go back to work but I need to face it at some point until I can find something else

I'm not talking about what you will go through when you go back to work. I said things will implode because of what your husband's reaction will be. He just found out about your infidelity 3 weeks ago, and being off work you have been under his thumb and surveillance since then. When you go back, working with the man you cheated on him with, he won't know what you're up to, and I think his anger, distrust and suspicion will be more than he can handle. Who could blame him?

@Aquamarine1029 I didn't mean what I will go through. I know if I go back his anxiety levels are going to go through the roof and it's going to cause a whole new wave of upset, anger, mistrust and I don't want to put him through anymore than I already have. Unfortunately at this moment in time I haven't been able to find a job so I'm a bit stuck for options as far as work is concerned as I can't just sit at home until something comes up. Maybe a lot of people on here are right and it will be too much and my marriage will end shortly. I know I shouldn't have done what I have, but it's too late for that now. I can only try to fix the present and try and work for a future together.

As someone that’s on the other foot and has had my DP have an affair with a co worker I can safely say that leaving your job is the only way it could possibly work. You need to completely devote yourself to your marriage (if that’s what you truly want).

Honestly if I could not trust my DH to go to work without cheating on me I would have to walk away. You need to look at why you did it before tying to repair your marriage, if you don't work on you, you will likely end up doing it again.

@Oranges146 when i said i wasnt going to be blackmailed i meant , Because of what happened i wasnt going to allow my partner to use that against me everytime we had disagreements.

My husband had an EA with a colleague, I forgave him and begged him to leave his job but he founds excuses. It hurt me whenever I saw her name in his inbox or she called him. 7 years later, during which time we’d married and had two children, they were having a full blown affair. I left him but I wish I’d left him the first time, or given him the ultimatum.