My health scare has ruined my sex life (and my own life as well)

[yarncakes]

A few months ago, I had post coital bleeding for the first time and, as someone with severe health anxiety, this has completely thrown me off and the fear of having cancer has and still is playing on my mind. I am still suffering because of it, mentally I can't stop thinking about it. I went to the doctors, I had a smear test, had swabs done and everything looked absolutely fine and all come back normal, my cervix was inspected and it looked healthy, just had a tiny nabolitian cyst. The doctor said that it was very common but because all of my checks have come back clear, I needn't worry. Easy said than done. Tried to have sex the other night and I panicked and started crying. My husband said that if this carries on then I am going somewhere private to get a 2nd opinion but I need to trust what my doctor has told me. I just can't though. I am so, so scared of being intimate and absolutely terrified its going to happen again my husband and I had an amazing sex life and now it is non existent. I hate what this has fucking done to me. Has anyone had bleeding after sex and was fine? I can't shake off this fear.

You don't mention trying medication for your anxiety. Have you? Are you on medication now? CBT is also something where you learn the techniques and then continue using them in the moment to manage your anxiety.

You need to go to your GP and get help to manage the anxiety. Including trying medication, if you are not currently on it.

Your post has pissed me off somewhat.

A few months ago I had a routine smear that turned out to be high grade severe dyskariosis which turned out to be cervical cancer.
I am soon to have a full hysterectomy and i had planned on having another child.

You have been told you have a healthy cervix. And here you are moaning about it.

SoggyBiscuitss, the OP has a mental illness. Health anxiety is absolutely devastating. And very difficult to cure. Having seen severe anxiety in a close family member, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

OK so I had bleeding after sex regularly as a late teen, early 20's and completely ignored it. And it ended up literally every time. I remember just making excuses and ignoring. Eventually went for a smear. Smear picked up abnormal cells and I went for a colproscopy ( I think it's called. I got to see bits I never thought I'd see in my lifetime lol). Had a few areas of concern, varying severity but a couple quite high. Went for treatment which was literally don't within minutes and the only reason I took the next day off work was because I felt validated to, and was actually just pulling a sickie.
From that moment on, I had routine check ups but literally nothing since. Nothing. That was about 14 years ago
My point being, in my case it probably was the thing youre most concerned about and yet, it was picked up, and treated, even after my own neglect.

If nothing was even picked up for you, you're onto a. Winner. But do get help for your health anxiety, it seems that's more of the issue

You need treatment for anxiety ASAP. You’re experiencing obsessive thoughts and insomnia as well. It’s taken over your life. You owe it to yourself, your DH and your kids to get this sorted out.

I had bleeding after sex, went to the dr, was referred to colposcopy clinic, had biopsies, CIN3 cells, lletz treatment to remove. All during "covid times".

You've had the all clear, there's nothing amiss or they would have found it, your dr isn't fobbing you off. You need to go back to your dr to talk about getting treatment for your health anxiety, though.

@biggreengrinch

I had bleeding after sex, went to the dr, was referred to colposcopy clinic, had biopsies, CIN3 cells, lletz treatment to remove. All during "covid times".

You've had the all clear, there's nothing amiss or they would have found it, your dr isn't fobbing you off. You need to go back to your dr to talk about getting treatment for your health anxiety, though.

Did she find something on your cervix? Because as you said you had bleeding after sex, they referred you straight away but my GP never did. Was your hpv positive? I really am worried. I know I need help.

@SoggyBiscuitss

Your post has pissed me off somewhat.

A few months ago I had a routine smear that turned out to be high grade severe dyskariosis which turned out to be cervical cancer.
I am soon to have a full hysterectomy and i had planned on having another child.

You have been told you have a healthy cervix. And here you are moaning about it.

I'm really sorry if my post offended you and I am sorry about your diagnosis as well. Again, as I said I have severe health anxiety about these things and would not wish them upon anyone, let alone myself. I hope you overcome this and sending you virtual hugs x

@yarncakes my cervix didn't look right at all so she skipped the smear stage and referred me straight to colposcopy clinic.

When was your last smear? I was also HPV+, yes.

[quote biggreengrinch]@yarncakes my cervix didn't look right at all so she skipped the smear stage and referred me straight to colposcopy clinic.

When was your last smear? I was also HPV+, yes. [/quote]
My last smear was done in October. I had a bleed a week before it was due, so I just held off until I had it done and she did it then I asked does my cervix look OK and she said it looked fine. Then I got it checked again by the gp who then said it also looked OK but again, reassurance needed as I was also having low back pain and belly pain as well which made me think the worse. Thankfully neither of those are there anymore. Still :( my head really is a mess.

OP in the nicest way - stop asking questions about cervixes OP and start asking questions about anxiety treatment.

Stop feeding your obsession with your cervix and start feeding an obsession with getting help for your health anxiety instead.

@yarncakes I get that you have health anxiety which is making you fixate in the state of your cervix, but more and more posters are telling you to get help with your mental health and you’re seemingly ignoring them. Please call your GP tomorrow for help with your anxiety

It's like you're determined to chase & feed your anxiety about health issues, while hand-waving your mental health as incurable. Are you on medication currently? Are you seeing a therapist currently?

@category12

It's like you're determined to chase & feed your anxiety about health issues, while hand-waving your mental health as incurable. Are you on medication currently? Are you seeing a therapist currently?

And all the time you are wasting stuck in this distracted, obsessive and compulsive state you are not emotionally available to your DC and their emotional needs are unmet.

OP, I'm going to say again what I said before. No one, literally no one, on here giving you their experiences is going to put your mind at rest for anything more than 2 minutes. I know because I've been there. If you can't trust the opinion of a trained medical professional, you're not going to accept the random experiences of some people online who you don't know.

I mean this kindly, because, as I say I've been trapped in the hell that is health anxiety before, but you need to step away from this thread now. Grilling others on their experiences is feeding your anxiety and it won't help in the long-term. Please, please, please go back to your GP and seek help for your anxiety, or phone IAPT if you'd prefer - I found them very helpful and the CBT sessions I did were free. Health anxiety will honestly ruin your life if you continue to allow it to control you. Seeking help for it is the kindest and most liberating thing you could ever do for yourself.

SoggyBiscuitss

Sorry my love, that’s a pretty major blow and scary
Wishing you healing in every way

OP , agree . Your MH needs addressing
Not your cervix
There is no shame in it , I’m on the medication now

OP you have severe health anxiety and nothing wrong physically. STOP asking more questions about cervical issues and things that you already know you don’t have.

You say you don’t want to waste doctors’ time by getting treatment for anxiety, but you want to waste their time for health issues you KNOW you don’t have? Stop. Face the real issue.

Evening everyone,
Sorry I have tried to reply to individual one of you, but I thought I'd just write it here. I was not ignoring those who was saying I have to seek help for my anxiety because I know I do. A little background is that I've had this for 16 years now and with health anxiety I cannot unlearn it. It's so hard and I have held back tears all day because of it. I do need help but I feel like i need to go into a mental hospital to overcome this. I have tried counselling and everything else I've said but neither has worked at all. I have tried to do it myself, but everything I've learned over the years has embedded in my mind and I cannot unlearn them or rationalise.
I can't believe I've posted this in the relationship section and didn't expect to go on about my MH like this.
Sorry again for burdening you all with my problems and my god damn cervix lol. Tonight has been the calmest I've been in months, despite holding back tears. Only thing I need to overcome now is having sex with my husband again and I won't lie, I am really scared to.

There is nothing permanent or ‘unlearnable’ about anxiety. It is eminently recoverable but you have to keep searching for something that works for you.

@TatianaBis

There is nothing permanent or ‘unlearnable’ about anxiety. It is eminently recoverable but you have to keep searching for something that works for you.

Surely when it comes to health anxiety though? Because I've got into my head that symptoms x and y match a serious illness, it just automatically comes to me. The one thing I do have to learn first is rationalising but I also need MH help as well. I am not denying that fact and I am going to talk to someone tomorrow. Maybe Anxiety UK can help.. I hope they can. I need to talk to someone.

You CAN unlearn it.

OP I just want to thank you for this thread
I have had bleeding after sex since I was 17 - I’m now in my 30s

It has destroyed my sex life with DH as I have an anxiety attack every time it happens, and then I’m too anxious (and don’t want to deal with the blood) to have sex again, sometimes for weeks/months

I am trying to work through this but I’m always scared there is something wrong.
When Ive been dealing with this I try to just be rational rather than catastrophise

I have had multiple drs test me, at multiple gps surgeries/ hospitals and the results always come back clear
It has been going on for the best part of 2 decades and no other part of my health has deteriorated

Logically the evidence points to the fact that I am ok, so I need to believe that. It sounds like you need to focus on similar things too

When you read about it, it’s only the most negative and drastic information that comes back and I fully understand your panic.

Until this thread I truly thought I was a rare case, something was wrong with me, I felt guilty for DH having to deal with it and I felt so anxious.
After reading all these posts I feel like I can maybe just accept this is not as big of a deal as I thought.
I hope you’re able to relax or get some help with you’re anxiety too

@yarncakes it's not necessarily about "unlearning" it, but being in a position where the rational part of your brain remains in control. I had a biopsy on a mole recently. There was quite a lot of waiting around for the procedure and results etc. and last year that would have sent me into an absolute frenzy. This year I was worried, but in a "normal" way, i.e. I didn't get angry at DH/those close to me, I wasn't spending hours obsessively Googling, I wasn't emotionally unavailable to my toddler because I was obsessing over whether I had cancer, in the way I would have been before. I just felt some level of regular concern, had the procedure done, felt neverous beforehand, then forgot about it really until the (benign) results came back because the rational part of my brain knew it was quite likely to be ok and I was able to hear that by being in control of my anxiety. It's not necessarily about unlearning what you've Googled, but about recognising that you don't have the medical knowledge to diagnose yourself and that you can very easily Google yourself into a completely inaccurate "diagnosis", so therefore not doing it any more.

Do you know what the trigger for your health anxiety was? It can help to explore that and understand your feelings around it a little more.

Please don’t worry. The Pap smear tests they have these days are very accurate. Cancer on the cervix is slow growing - there are 3 stages the cells go through before they are considered cancerous. The first step is abnormal cells and you don’t have these.