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Original poster

My health scare has ruined my sex life (and my own life as well)

92 replies

yarncakes · 02/01/2021 20:20

A few months ago, I had post coital bleeding for the first time and, as someone with severe health anxiety, this has completely thrown me off and the fear of having cancer has and still is playing on my mind. I am still suffering because of it, mentally I can't stop thinking about it. I went to the doctors, I had a smear test, had swabs done and everything looked absolutely fine and all come back normal, my cervix was inspected and it looked healthy, just had a tiny nabolitian cyst. The doctor said that it was very common but because all of my checks have come back clear, I needn't worry. Easy said than done. Tried to have sex the other night and I panicked and started crying. My husband said that if this carries on then I am going somewhere private to get a 2nd opinion but I need to trust what my doctor has told me. I just can't though. I am so, so scared of being intimate and absolutely terrified its going to happen again Sad my husband and I had an amazing sex life and now it is non existent. I hate what this has fucking done to me. Has anyone had bleeding after sex and was fine? I can't shake off this fear.

OP posts:
Zippy1510 · 02/01/2021 20:27

Could it be an ectropian? It’s a fairly common cause of bleeding either after sex or in my case throughout pregnancy and after any smear test. It’s usually caused by hormonal changes such as using the contraceptive pill or getting pregnant but some people seem to just have them without an identifiable reason.

category12 · 02/01/2021 20:27

Yes, quite a few times.

Original poster
yarncakes · 02/01/2021 20:32

@Zippy1510

Could it be an ectropian? It’s a fairly common cause of bleeding either after sex or in my case throughout pregnancy and after any smear test. It’s usually caused by hormonal changes such as using the contraceptive pill or getting pregnant but some people seem to just have them without an identifiable reason.
That's what they originally thought when she phoned me during a telephone consultation but that's why she asked me to go to the surgery to have my cervix inspected but there was no ectroption that she could see. She just said my cervix looked healthy apart from the most smallest cyst which is common and harmless and that the bleeding definitely didn't come from there, and more likely I had a small tear during sex. She also said I didn't bleed upon touching my cervix or when she gave me a smear test which was quite rough (heard and felt squeaking sound.. Awful) , and the fact it also came back normal which tells her that there is really nothing to worry about. This still doesn't calm me down tbh. I don't know what will because my health anxiety has made it 100 times worse.
OP posts:
SomewhereInbetween1 · 02/01/2021 20:32

It's very, very, very common to bleed after sex every now and again.

Vitaminsss · 02/01/2021 20:32

I mean, the consultant told you that you don’t have cancer so you really are worrying yourself for no reason. Especially as you have a cyst - which is a valid cause of the bleeding. Why do you think it’s cancer?

I had a cervical ectropion last year (well, late 2019) and it hasn’t returned and life/sex is completely back to normal

Original poster
yarncakes · 02/01/2021 20:32

@category12

Yes, quite a few times.
Did they find out what caused it?
OP posts:
Original poster
yarncakes · 02/01/2021 20:34

@Vitaminsss

I mean, the consultant told you that you don’t have cancer so you really are worrying yourself for no reason. Especially as you have a cyst - which is a valid cause of the bleeding. Why do you think it’s cancer?

I had a cervical ectropion last year (well, late 2019) and it hasn’t returned and life/sex is completely back to normal

I didn't see the consultant it was the doctor, she didn't see any need to send me there because she said she's absolutely certain that it is nothing to worry about. Do you think she's just saying that because of covid, they're trying not to refer people and the fact that my smear came back normal as well? Well, negative for hpv without checking cells..if you class that as normal. She said they check the cells as well but how can they when they only check the cells if you test positive for hpv?
OP posts:
Vitaminsss · 02/01/2021 20:35

Missed your latest post re the cyst not causing the bleeding! However the bleeding could be related to your menstrual cycle or could even be random discharge. It’s not necessarily indicative of cancer, regardless they would be able to see changes in your cervix which weren’t present

category12 · 02/01/2021 20:39

No, I never thought it was anything to worry about so never went to see anyone about it. Just been a bit vigorous, like. I don't think it's unusual.

Vitaminsss · 02/01/2021 20:39

GPs are still referring patients. It’s just that the wait to be seen may be longer due to COVID related delays. If you can go private, you may be seen sooner but suspected cancer referrals are only ~2 weeks anyway.

If you do want a referral/2nd opinion call your GP back

MeadowHay · 02/01/2021 20:43

I haven't RTFT but small amount of post coital bleeding as a one off could just be trauma. This happened to me once when I was about 20 and has never happened since! I was a bit freaked out so saw a GP and they examined me and said there was nothing worrying them and it was probably just trauma and would heal. I guess they were right as never had a problem since.

E1ffelTower · 02/01/2021 20:43

Maybe you need to think about getting treatment for your health anxiety? I have a close relative with it and the impact it has on both her immediate and wider family/friends is HUGE. I’ve bled on and off after sex for years. Plenty of examinations and referrals. No cause ever been going. GP’s are still making referrals, both myself and my daughter have been seen by consultants more than once since March.

TheUndoingProject · 02/01/2021 20:44

It’s pretty common to occasionally have bleeding after sex. It can be a symptom of something concerning so always best to get it checked out, but for many many women it’s nothing at all, just a tear etc. Can you talk to your GP again and ask for reassurance and support for your anxiety?

Prisonbreak · 02/01/2021 20:46

With respect though, if you did have cancer, having sex isn’t going to make it worse.
Occasional bleeding is totally normal and I doubt many women give it a second thought, let alone be checked by a doctor for it. It would seem it’s your own anxiety that’s ruining things, perhaps seek help for that instead

Unsure33 · 02/01/2021 20:47

So you have had no bleeding in between at all ? And you have no idea if it will happen again?

So at the moment no need for any other referral? Would it be possible to have some sort of hypnotherapy to help you get past this stage ?

The chances are it won’t even happen again and even if it did then you would know how to move forward .

Peace43 · 02/01/2021 20:49

I bleed occasionally. My partner is a big guy and sometimes he hits my cervix a bit hard. It’s a very vascular area so a little bit of bleeding after a trauma (a good poke!) is normal. If they’ve done a smear and inspected your cervix and found no cellular changes then you are fine. However you might need to see the GP for some anti anxiety meds (my ex has health anxiety and it is really tough!)

Wearywithteens · 02/01/2021 20:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Unicant · 02/01/2021 20:52

I think whilst it can be a sign of cancer its normally not... and they have done checks on you? Which came back fine? Its extremely unlikely to be cancer.
I've had random bleeding after sex a couple of times and I didnt even go to a doctor because I was in my twenties and then early thirties, and it stopped. I clearly don't have cancer because that was ten years ago... I do go for my smear tests now which have all been fine.. I think you can have small cysts and tears sometimes or a uti with no other symptoms.. many things can cause spotting. And having it occur right after sex makes it much more likely its a tear or a small cyst because it will be the activity that's caused the blood.
You did the right thing and got checked out... you've now got to trust the doctors and relax about it. If it happens again go back but you've got no reason to now believe you have cancer. This is just anxiety. I do really feel for you because I get tense about my heartbeat despite being told many times I have a small issue with the electrical impulse causing my heart to beat faster occasionally and there's absolutely nothing to worry about its not going to cause me any medical problems... but I still worry and spend ages listening to my heartbeat sometimes.
If its any use to you I watch 'the anxiety guy' health affirmations on YouTube every day and find it really helps me. Its hard because I know im being irrational but I cant help the fear I feel.

Nunoftheother · 02/01/2021 21:17

Do you think she's just saying that because of covid, they're trying not to refer people and the fact that my smear came back normal as well?

No. You are being irrational. A GP would not examine someone and then totally disregard a symptom of something serious.

toastfiend · 02/01/2021 21:19

I go through phases of bleeding after sex, and also bled a lot during pregnancy. I've been through all of the checks and was referred to a consultant gynaecologist, but nothing sinister has ever been found, just an ectropian, which may have been the cause. Unsure, though, as the bleeding carried on when I came off hormonal contraception, which was thought to be the cause of the ectropian. Anyway, 7 years later, I'm here and fine and have had 2 clear smears since. I think it's a lot more common than we are led to believe, and I'd say that Googling will do you no favours at all (speaking from experience). The problem is, with health anxiety any symptoms that come up on Google just lend themselves to confirmation bias, and then you end up weighting your Google search results towards something sinister because you start obsessively Googling that one sinister thing that you're worried it might be, so it's a really vicious circle. The other thing I'd day is none of us sharing our experiences will make you feel better when you're in the grip of health anxiety because it's not a rational thing.

I have suffered with health anxiety over the years. It peaked after I had my DS and was terrified of something happening to me that would leave him without a mummy. It was one of the most awful periods of my life and I was very mentally unwell for a while. It put a huge strain on my marriage and other relationships and it made it impossible to enjoy life. I sought help through IAPT and did CBT for a while. It really, really helped and the relief is immense. I still get stressed and anxious about my health, but I have tools to cope these days. I really would recommend seeking support to manage your anxiety, it's so miserable when you're in the thick of it and it really can get better.

SparklingLime · 02/01/2021 21:21

Have you and your OH considered non-penetrative sex to allow you to relax in that situation and take the pressure off you?

ChristmasFluff · 02/01/2021 21:23

OP, you need to seek treatment for your health anxiety. You can self-refer via IAPT if you are in England:
www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

You can also seek referral via your GP - a mental health physiotherapist would be a good bet if you go that route.

ChronicallyCurious · 02/01/2021 21:28

Yes I bleed after sex quite a lot. Always have. Had a cervical ectopy that needed removed and then came back so had to have it cauterised. Also have endometriosis which causes it too. You’ll be surprised at the vast amount of women that bleed after sex occasionally. I was worried when it started happening to me but after talking to my friends about it, they have all bled after sex at least a few times. You’re fragile down there after all.

doctorhamster · 02/01/2021 21:41

I bleed after sex occasionally. I've never been to a doctor about it.

Teakind · 02/01/2021 21:51

OP, women can occasionally have spotting mid cycle too. It could have been purely coincidental that you noticed this after sex.

You've done the sensible thing and been checked out. Your mind should now be at rest. Please do seek help for your anxiety with this as it will be having a huge impact on your happiness.