Page 2 | My health scare has ruined my sex life (and my own life as well)

yarncakes · 2021-01-02T20:20:45+00:00

A few months ago, I had post coital bleeding for the first time and, as someone with severe health anxiety, this has completely thrown me off and the fear of having cancer has and still is playing on my mind. I am still suffering because of it, mentally I can't stop thinking about it. I went to the doctors, I had a smear test, had swabs done and everything looked absolutely fine and all come back normal, my cervix was inspected and it looked healthy, just had a tiny nabolitian cyst. The doctor said that it was very common but because all of my checks have come back clear, I needn't worry. Easy said than done. Tried to have sex the other night and I panicked and started crying. My husband said that if this carries on then I am going somewhere private to get a 2nd opinion but I need to trust what my doctor has told me. I just can't though. I am so, so scared of being intimate and absolutely terrified its going to happen again [sad] my husband and I had an amazing sex life and now it is non existent. I hate what this has fucking done to me. Has anyone had bleeding after sex and was fine? I can't shake off this fear.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 02/01/2021 22:08

Nothing to worry about at all. Only thing you need treatment for is the health anxiety

WaterOffADucksCrack · 02/01/2021 22:14

If you have health anxiety you need treatment for that. It isn't fair to you or your partner that you're ignoring it.

williowrosenburg · 02/01/2021 22:19

Hi op,

I'm Currently have medical investigations for bleeding after sex.... it's been happening since April 2019... nearly every time we have sex it happens..... and it's not a little bit.... it's a lot..... we basically have to put a towel down.

I've been updating my own thread about it.

My smear was clear, and internal look at my cervix was clear, and internal ultrasound was clear. Bloods clear.
Only thing I've got left to have is a colposcopy.... After that pretty sure they will wash there hands of me.

They do keep offering me the contraceptive pill which I'm abit 🤨 at to be honest.

I know it can be scary and worrying. I've also been convinced I'm gonna be told I've got cancer. Talk your worries through with your GP, ask for a Gynae referral. It may take time for an appointment but at least it's something.

Let me know if you have any other questions xx

SimplyRadishing · 02/01/2021 22:24

There is really nothing to worry about.

But if you can afford it dont wait, just pay for private and get a 2nd opinion to put your mind at rest.

CodenameVillanelle · 02/01/2021 22:27

Yes I bleed after sex every now and again. I had a biopsy a couple of years ago due to some abnormal cells and it was nothing. However the cervix is a sensitive organ and cells can grow in places they aren't meant to be, and if they are bumped they will bleed. It's nothing to worry about.
I suspect you know this already and you really need to focus on help for anxiety, not googling symptoms.

Alice0901 · 02/01/2021 22:32

I’ve had this quite a few times and I’m only late twenties. I also have severe anxiety often centred around health so I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve avoided sex because of this in the past which has affected my relationship but sometimes I haven’t wanted to have sex and then spend the next however long panicking and ruin my day. It’s a catch 22 though because all you will do is go round and round in circles not having sex because of the unknown of what will happen if you do. I know it’s terrifying but sometimes it’s best to bite the bullet and see what happens. You’re already terrified anyway.
Having said that - if you still have symptoms then you should go back to your GP and request a referral for a colposcopy. I’ve had about 3 of these because of recurring bleeding after sex and each one has been completely normal.
It really is GP practice to refer if you have ongoing symptoms x

Alice0901 · 02/01/2021 22:34

@williowrosenburg - I’m surprised they didn’t do the colposcopy first!

Dery · 02/01/2021 22:38

As PP have said - please seek treatment for your health anxiety because that seems to be the real problem here.

williowrosenburg · 02/01/2021 23:13

@Alice0901 I think because my smear was normal.
🤷🏻‍♀️
Who knows.
I'm also getting unusual cramps and my cycle has shortened. But when spoke to Gynae on a phone consultation, she was just like it could be your c section scar... c section was 5 years ago.
IBS... I do have IBS but I can tell the difference between an IBS cramp and period like cramps.
Who the feck knows.

Original poster

yarncakes · 03/01/2021 08:49

All of your replies has definitely calmed me down somewhat, so thank you all. Of course it has not completely eliminated my health anxiety about this completely. I am unable to sleep and haven't slept for months. Unfortunately the ridiculous amount of Googling I did (and have done for every other imaginary illnesses I had), has completely taken over my mind. Without even Googling anything, I know when a symptom can potentially be serious ie. change in mole, for example. Whereas if you asked my parent for example, he wouldn't have a clue because he doesn't bother with the Internet about those kind of things.

Sorry I am rambling on. I am still on edge and my husband is really starting to notice it and he is saying he doesn't care about sex but he is really worried about me and that I need to ring the doctor tomorrow and ask to get seen by someone who can help me. I really don't want to bother the gp again but I can't live in fear like this. Chances are nothing is wrong but if there's a minute chance that there is, at least I would know sooner rather than later

OP posts:

category12 · 03/01/2021 09:01

You need to ask your doctor for help with your anxiety. Not more gynae.

Make an appointment regarding the anxiety.

williowrosenburg · 03/01/2021 09:03

Op, I was the same with my bleeding.

I googled symptoms for cervical cancer, ovarian cancer.

But I don't do this to feed the fear. I do this to rationalise my thoughts.

If each ailment has a list of 5/6 symptoms and I only have one.... chances are it's not that!

It did back fire with ovarian cancer as I had quite a few! But I did more digging and realised the bleeding I was having wasn't related to the type of worrying bleeding for ovarian cancer.

You need to be rational. Speak to your GP about your concerns, but also about your anxiety for your health in general. You could be referred for CBT.
My husband has had CBT for health anxiety and it really helped. He stillgets overly worried sometimes but he can now sit and rationalise and he knows his triggers etc x

Sssloou · 03/01/2021 09:06

You need to fix your health anxiety otherwise you will spend the next 3 months on a wild goose chase, hyped up, intensifying your health anxiety and eroding your marriage. Then once the bleeding is reconfirmed as a non issue you will just find another health issue to torment yourself, your DH and Dr with. In COVID times I would nt be having unnecessary invasive investigations in hospital and putting myself under the stress of long waits for appointments and feedback.

Spend this time instead on dealing with the root cause - your health anxiety - or just anxiety.

Have you had any therapy to date?

Where do you think it came from?
What was your upbringing like?

Respectabitch · 03/01/2021 09:07

@category12

You need to ask your doctor for help with your anxiety. Not more gynae.

Make an appointment regarding the anxiety.

This. Your husband meant that you need to ask for help in treating and managing your anxiety. You do NOT need to be seen again for the bleeding.

Original poster

yarncakes · 03/01/2021 09:47

He did say I'm being very silly but I think he is saying that because he is scared that it may be something sinister as he has gynae cancers in his family so seems like he knows what symptoms are what but he will not say it. I've tried for many years to get help for my health anxiety and nothing works at all. I am literally broken and living my life constantly in fear, not being able to eat, sleep, can't think except about dying and leaving my ds behind. It's absolute fucking torture.

OP posts:

category12 · 03/01/2021 09:51

What have you tried? What are you doing presently?

You really need to focus on dealing with your mh. You're mentally unwell, not physically.

Orf1abc · 03/01/2021 09:55

What help have you had for your anxiety?

You don't need a gynae referral, your GP would make the referral if she had any doubt at all.

Your husband is saying you're being silly because he knows the symptoms for gynae cancers. It's not a one off unexplained slight bleed.

Sssloou · 03/01/2021 09:57

What have you tried that hasn’t worked?

You are / have already left your DC behind.

If you are so preoccupied, sleep deprived, and anxious you are not able to be emotionally aware and attuned to meeting your DC emotional needs so their development is therefore neglected, suboptimal and deficient. They are both losing out and absorbing your negative and irrational anxieties which will lead them to a similar state of chronic stress and an unfulfilled childhood because YOU cannot be in two emotional places at once. You need to address your health anxiety if you want to raise a balanced, calm, confident child. Your own life will also be transformed.

Original poster

yarncakes · 03/01/2021 09:58

I've tried counselling, CBT, hypnotising, going for walks, sleeping medication to stop staying awake at night, I've tried every thing. I am cleaning the house from top to bottom every single day, working overtime just to stop my brain from overthinking. I was cleaning the kitchen a few nights ago and sorting out my cv on the laptop and my husband came down and said what on earth I was doing he thought I was on dating sites lol but that's all I do to just stop my stupid, thick head from overthinking. Anything goes wrong in my marriage then its my fault but I just can't stop.

OP posts:

SweatyBetty20 · 03/01/2021 10:01

I’ve had it when I was forty - I had a bit of cervical atrophy. My doctor explained that your cervix changes as you get a bit older - try feeling the outside of your bottom lip; it’s pretty soft, but tough. Now feel the inside - soft and tender. This is what happened to my cervix - so when I had sex it bled. I had cauterisation via keyhole surgery, and everything has been fine nearly 10 years later.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/01/2021 10:19

I’m no sex therapist
But maybe you need eroticism without penetration for a while
Google orgasmic mediation
You could light some candles , and both practice tantric massage of each other’s genitals
You’ll have fun , have a mind blowing orgasm
Lay down a towel and get some oil
To hand
It’s a technique often used for people who have had vaginal trauma
I’d say that’s more likely to bond you than another medical opinion

DuchessofDerbyshire · 03/01/2021 10:22

@yarncakes

He did say I'm being very silly but I think he is saying that because he is scared that it may be something sinister as he has gynae cancers in his family so seems like he knows what symptoms are what but he will not say it. I've tried for many years to get help for my health anxiety and nothing works at all. I am literally broken and living my life constantly in fear, not being able to eat, sleep, can't think except about dying and leaving my ds behind. It's absolute fucking torture.

You seem to be confused over what the possible issue is.

An ectropian can bleed. You don't have one.
Your smear was fine.

Your dr seems not to have given you the right information.
IF there is anything on your cervix, it could be a tiny polyp. If they bleed, they are usually removed. It's a minor procedure and they can use a local to do it.

If she said you had Bartholin's cyst that is different. it's on your labia- near the vagina- and is a blocked duct that secretes the lubrication when you are aroused.www.nhs.uk/conditions/bartholins-cyst This is something you could see yourself.

Your husband - sorry- is being a twit. He's not a gynae and can have no idea of what cancer symptoms are.

You need to ask your GP for a referral for your mental health.

DuchessofDerbyshire · 03/01/2021 10:24

@SweatyBetty20

I’ve had it when I was forty - I had a bit of cervical atrophy. My doctor explained that your cervix changes as you get a bit older - try feeling the outside of your bottom lip; it’s pretty soft, but tough. Now feel the inside - soft and tender. This is what happened to my cervix - so when I had sex it bled. I had cauterisation via keyhole surgery, and everything has been fine nearly 10 years later.

That's not cervical atrophy- it's cervical erosion. It's caused by hormonal changes and often the Pill (I had one treated.)

Why did you need keyhole surgery to reach your cervix? The usual route is through the vagina.

Atrophy is treated with vaginal estrogen usually.

litterbird · 03/01/2021 10:27

@yarncakes

I've tried counselling, CBT, hypnotising, going for walks, sleeping medication to stop staying awake at night, I've tried every thing. I am cleaning the house from top to bottom every single day, working overtime just to stop my brain from overthinking. I was cleaning the kitchen a few nights ago and sorting out my cv on the laptop and my husband came down and said what on earth I was doing he thought I was on dating sites lol but that's all I do to just stop my stupid, thick head from overthinking. Anything goes wrong in my marriage then its my fault but I just can't stop.

Oh OP. You have a major anxiety issue that you really need help with. Get in touch with your GP on Monday and seek urgent help. You may have General Anxiety Disorder GAD, but only your doctor can tell you this. You may need some medication again to help you get through this difficult time. Get back to some counselling. This bleeding seems to have set off a lot of things you are desperately trying to deal with. Please get help.

TJ17 · 03/01/2021 10:31

@category12

You need to ask your doctor for help with your anxiety. Not more gynae.

Make an appointment regarding the anxiety.

This x 10000000!

Good luck OP, my friend has health anxiety and I can see how terrifying it is for her