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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An affair

31 replies

Jojo77777 · 02/01/2021 19:19

Please don't judge me to badly. I had an affair with a guy I work with, he and girlfriend split up in August. We then started seeing each other, he says he classes us as in a relationship, but refuses to tell anyone about us, we can not be friends on any social media and very rarely go out in public together, I have told him my concern, but he doesn't see what the issue is, am I being daft, feel like I need to walk and find someone who is not ashamed to be with me?

OP posts:
Dreahil1 · 02/01/2021 19:22

No judgment here op. Do you believe he is still with his GF?

The fact that you are secret speaks volumes and he’s not really with you is he? How often do you see him?

I would get rid ASAP become you become too attached.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 19:23

If a man is hiding the fact he's dating someone, you know something's not right. My guess is that he's still with his girlfriend.

Jojo77777 · 02/01/2021 19:25

Hi, thanks for your message, no don't think he is still with her, he has moved out, I see him twice a week, and talk everyday, it's just why he can't tell anyone which concerns me.

OP posts:
Gncq · 02/01/2021 19:26

How is this "an affair"?
Did you get with him before he split up basically?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 19:26

If he's not still with her, he wants to get back with her. Why else would he insist on hiding your relationship?

AnyFucker · 02/01/2021 19:28

You've been codded, love

Gncq · 02/01/2021 19:28

Other than being very strange, it's basically treating you extremely poorly to expect you to be a kept secret!

SunshineCake · 02/01/2021 19:29

Go with your feelings..

MerryChristmasToYou · 02/01/2021 19:29

You know he has form for cheating.

Dreahil1 · 02/01/2021 19:32

I think he may still be with her if he doesn’t want anybody to know about you.

When you see him twice a week is this just for a sexual purpose only

You can’t even be friends on social media is very odd. Have you been to his house?

Jojo77777 · 02/01/2021 19:34

No he lives in a house share, so not allowed to visit.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 02/01/2021 19:34

Unless you're in a relationship with someone else, this isn't an affair, as him and his Ex are split.

GotBeatenUp · 02/01/2021 19:41

No he lives in a house share, so not allowed to visit.
He probably shares a house with his girlfriend. You're probably a twice a week booty call.

Can you see his profile on SM?

SunshineCake · 02/01/2021 19:44

@Jojo77777

No he lives in a house share, so not allowed to visit.
Oh come on Hmm.
Jojo77777 · 02/01/2021 19:44

Yes I can see the basic on SM but not fully as we are not friends, don't think he is with his gf, but you are right, think he probably wants her back.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 19:46

I'm sorry, op. It's good the blinders have come off. I think this man is feeding you a load of bullshit. Dump and block, because you definitely deserve better.

Jojo77777 · 02/01/2021 19:48

Thanks

OP posts:
GotBeatenUp · 02/01/2021 19:53

I wasn't a friend on XP's SM. Wonder why? Got my username when I found out.

Carysmatthews · 02/01/2021 19:55

@Jojo77777

No he lives in a house share, so not allowed to visit.
Yeah, with his girlfriend. Too many red flags, run for the hills.
santabetterwashhishands · 02/01/2021 19:58

If your a secret you could be one of many .

MaLarkinn · 02/01/2021 22:11

this is what life is like with a cheat op.

Dreahil1 · 02/01/2021 22:17

Is he a lot older than you OP? If this post is real I think you must be a little bit gullible.

You can have visitors in a house share.

VodselForDinner · 02/01/2021 22:20

He’s either-

A) Still with his girlfriend
B) In a relationship with someone new and stringing you along
C) Embarrassed to be seen with you but stringing you along until he finds himself another girlfriend.

Onthedunes · 02/01/2021 22:32

Where does he live, sounds like a 1920's boarding house for women in the flapper era, but for men.

Lights out at 10pm and no visitors of the opposite sex allowed.

Confused
Fearandsurprise · 03/01/2021 01:12

@MaLarkinn

this is what life is like with a cheat op.
This