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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

F*ck... its done isnt it

85 replies

tellietwotums · 01/01/2021 02:12

almost 3 years.... never fell out, almost perfect, however, he STILL isn't divorced. ( wasn't the Ow they separated 4 years ago.
I cant call him anything other than a cock lodger. im still paying for everything in my home, ( i was anyway so its not additional expense) whilst he still pays all the bills on the family home and ExW works min ours on min wage.
I house him and his children EOW. his youngest is a nightmare and deliberately sabotages my dd toys etc. every week I'M REPLACING toys out of MY money for MY DD because his disney parenting will not allow him to chastise his princess.
its NYE which is a killer for me.. my abusive GF died this day and i always either get tiddly or go to bed... hes spent the night watching shit tv and left me to deal with dd and 2 sc, not to add that he hasn't been physically near me for almost 2 months Im not proud but the other night when he was sleeping i did go snooping through his phone, he is always on it ( turns out its work whats app groups with the lads and nothing suspicious) but to my dismay i found copious porn history... like 10 times per day.. whilst i'm getting the cold shoulder!
I dont mind porn, we have both spoke about it and admitted/ agreed to using it, however im feeling like an ogre when he clearly isn't interested in me and is getting off to a niche category! Obviously I cant bring this up as it shows i've snooped but i cant keep on pretending like were ok whilst hes sexually ignoring me, getting off in other places and what feels like taking advantage financially

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 01/01/2021 02:15

Urgh. He’s a dick. You’re well rid. Hard few weeks ahead but I’m sure you’ll feel better once you get this prick out of your life Flowers. New year, new start x

BluebellsGreenbells · 01/01/2021 02:16

He is taking financial advantage.

You’ve woken up and realized that you are keeping you him abs his wife and children in food warmth and n doubt clothing.
Get rid.

SaladBowlsAndBasinsAndBuckets · 01/01/2021 02:16

Almost perfect? It really isn’t. It’s a new year and the chance for a new start.
You won’t look back Flowers

Zofloramummy · 01/01/2021 02:18

It’s far from almost perfect. He isn’t parenting his child, he is passing you the ‘wife work’, isn’t shouldering a fair proportion of the cost involved in him (and his kids) living with you and there’s no intimacy!

You are annoyed and frustrated, that’ll open deepen into full blown dislike and resentment. Time to call it a day.

Zofloramummy · 01/01/2021 02:18

Only

Fuckingcrustybread · 01/01/2021 02:21

It shouldn't feel "like" he's taking advantage. He IS taking advantage. Get rid as soon as it's possible for you to do so.

SueDeNimm · 01/01/2021 02:32

Ok well keep your powder dry and start speaking up. "I need you to contribute £x" if you don't ask you can't complain. Then when he's paid some of his way it's time to say bye. And look at why you place so little value on yourself

SueDeNimm · 01/01/2021 02:34

Oh and in case I forgot to mention he's a user and brings nothing to your life. Porn over you? Next!!!

MyrtlesMoans · 01/01/2021 02:47

What is it with these mfs? Treat him according to his efforts and actions! Kick his sorry ass out.

1forAll74 · 01/01/2021 02:56

I am surprised that you have put up with him for so long. His ways, and actions indicate that he is not a loving man, and has no respect for you, and basically a waste of space. So nothing good on the horizon to look forward to with him.

tellietwotums · 01/01/2021 02:57

i have spoke up... before this shit show it was a case of dont worry, i've got to pay it anyway.. you get the beers, you pay for the weekend away, etc etc. now its just me, me , me. dont get me wrong, he does get the take outs and a bottle at the weekends but thats not lifes expenses.
and here we are on NYE and hes in MY bed asleep and hasnt engaged with me all night and i'm thinking WTAF?

OP posts:
Weenurse · 01/01/2021 03:06

New year, bring it on ! New life for you, think of the savings you will make.

Shortfeet · 01/01/2021 03:06

The end
Move on

Somethingkindaoooo · 01/01/2021 03:12

@SueDeNimm

Ok well keep your powder dry and start speaking up. "I need you to contribute £x" if you don't ask you can't complain. Then when he's paid some of his way it's time to say bye. And look at why you place so little value on yourself
Or....

Just get rid now

BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 03:39

Using bastard.... get rid 🌺

thosetalesofunexpected · 01/01/2021 03:51

Best to not get involved with a married person ..!!!

What did you expect !!!

😕

Jasminesmellingcandles · 01/01/2021 04:56

@thosetalesofunexpected

Best to not get involved with a married person ..!!!

What did you expect !!!

😕

OP says she wasn’t the OW.
BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 05:31

@thosetalesofunexpected

Best to not get involved with a married person ..!!!

What did you expect !!!

😕

FFS of your going to insult OP.. at least read the facts as given 🙄

she was NOT the other woman ...

Veronika13 · 01/01/2021 05:41

If he still hasn’t divorced her then she’s not his ex wife who he is paying all the bills for. She’s his wife. He has to provide financial support for her as she’s his family until he’s divorced.

You deserve so much better. He brings nothing to your life. The negatives outweigh any positives. He makes you feel shit. You should feel special and good in a relationship.

Toilenstripes · 01/01/2021 05:42

You might not have been the OW but he’s still very much tied to his marriage. Get rid!

Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2021 06:07

What on earth are you doing?

Kick. Him. Out.

KatherineJaneway · 01/01/2021 06:21

@Toilenstripes

You might not have been the OW but he’s still very much tied to his marriage. Get rid!
Agree.

Onwards and upwards OP Flowers

isthismylifenow · 01/01/2021 06:27

Is he living with you OP? You mentioned eow so assuming that's his DC.

This has run its course. Where he lives now and how he manages that financially isn't your concern.

Lampzade · 01/01/2021 06:35

Op, this ‘relationship’ is not bringing any joy to your life.
If there’s something this year has taught me it is the importance of finding happiness
Get rid Op

SPLUGSYMALONE · 01/01/2021 06:37

Start 2021 on a positive note and ask him to leave.

He's not contributing financially, emotionally or in a parenting capacity so your life will only improve by him going.

Life will be easier without him.

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