F*ck... its done isnt it

[tellietwotums]

almost 3 years.... never fell out, almost perfect, however, he STILL isn't divorced. ( wasn't the Ow they separated 4 years ago.
I cant call him anything other than a cock lodger. im still paying for everything in my home, ( i was anyway so its not additional expense) whilst he still pays all the bills on the family home and ExW works min ours on min wage.
I house him and his children EOW. his youngest is a nightmare and deliberately sabotages my dd toys etc. every week I'M REPLACING toys out of MY money for MY DD because his disney parenting will not allow him to chastise his princess.
its NYE which is a killer for me.. my abusive GF died this day and i always either get tiddly or go to bed... hes spent the night watching shit tv and left me to deal with dd and 2 sc, not to add that he hasn't been physically near me for almost 2 months Im not proud but the other night when he was sleeping i did go snooping through his phone, he is always on it ( turns out its work whats app groups with the lads and nothing suspicious) but to my dismay i found copious porn history... like 10 times per day.. whilst i'm getting the cold shoulder!
I dont mind porn, we have both spoke about it and admitted/ agreed to using it, however im feeling like an ogre when he clearly isn't interested in me and is getting off to a niche category! Obviously I cant bring this up as it shows i've snooped but i cant keep on pretending like were ok whilst hes sexually ignoring me, getting off in other places and what feels like taking advantage financially

Look, if you don't want to rip the bandaid off and get rid* you could always say that you need a bit of space, it's been a rough 2020 and you would like him to leave for a few weeks. Don't get sucked into any arguments about the "why/what have i done/I'll do better/you're not perfect yourself", just keep repeating that you need space and you'd like him to leave for 3-4 weeks and he should start looking for somewhere to go tonight.

Then take that time to hang out with DD, spend time with her without the SC being in her space, board games, walks, baking together etc. You can ask her how she really feels about that but my guess is that you won't even have to bring it up, she will tell you herself once she knows she has your undivided attention. During this time, really take the time to notice how your costs are lower, you are cooking smaller meals (and you can have more left over which means less cooking for the next couple of days), and you're not doing somebody else's washing, and there's not the Friday rush to change all the beds and hide important toys, and how you can watch whatever silly movies or costume drama romances that you want to watch on tv.

*which I wholeheartedly think would be the better option but obviously I feel nothing for this twerp and you might still love him.

Nothing really more to add. He's a cocklodger who doesn't even do that. Totally taking the piss.

You know what to do, start 2021 and put you and your daughter first. Tell the daft twat to pack a bag and bugger off

@Blacktothepink

Tell him to fuck off...you’ll be so much better off without him!

^ This. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Ugh, wtf? Pack his bags and kick him out, today! He can take his kids too, not your problem anymore.

yeah its done. 3 years isn't bad, cut your losses before 3 years turn into 5, or 10.

@WildfirePonie

Ugh, wtf? Pack his bags and kick him out, today! He can take his kids too, not your problem anymore.

THIS... open the door and boot him out 🌺

OP, all of your opening post will be why his marriage ended. You're lucky to have early enough info, and no ties, to be able to leave him in the rear view mirror. His wife is stuck with him for another decade.

Walk away from it.

OP, as previous posters have mentioned, i bet your DD won't be sorry to see the back of your soon to be ex & his DC, she can play happily with her toys in peace. You mentioned he buys an occasional take away, this is like throwing you the crumbs, why should you settle for this, it's insulting when you provide a nice home. I feel angry on your behalf & your children, as this $%$@ man has taken advantage for so long. Start the New Year afresh & get rid, you owe him NOTHING !!

You are an unpaid nanny and a housekeeper. He's not a cocklodger he is a parasitic wanker.

"Almost perfect"? . I don't think so.

He's a user and you are being taken for a mug. Do yourself and your poor DD a favour and get rid of him and the Disney princess who makes her life a misery every other weekend.