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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

F*ck... its done isnt it

85 replies

tellietwotums · 01/01/2021 02:12

almost 3 years.... never fell out, almost perfect, however, he STILL isn't divorced. ( wasn't the Ow they separated 4 years ago.
I cant call him anything other than a cock lodger. im still paying for everything in my home, ( i was anyway so its not additional expense) whilst he still pays all the bills on the family home and ExW works min ours on min wage.
I house him and his children EOW. his youngest is a nightmare and deliberately sabotages my dd toys etc. every week I'M REPLACING toys out of MY money for MY DD because his disney parenting will not allow him to chastise his princess.
its NYE which is a killer for me.. my abusive GF died this day and i always either get tiddly or go to bed... hes spent the night watching shit tv and left me to deal with dd and 2 sc, not to add that he hasn't been physically near me for almost 2 months Im not proud but the other night when he was sleeping i did go snooping through his phone, he is always on it ( turns out its work whats app groups with the lads and nothing suspicious) but to my dismay i found copious porn history... like 10 times per day.. whilst i'm getting the cold shoulder!
I dont mind porn, we have both spoke about it and admitted/ agreed to using it, however im feeling like an ogre when he clearly isn't interested in me and is getting off to a niche category! Obviously I cant bring this up as it shows i've snooped but i cant keep on pretending like were ok whilst hes sexually ignoring me, getting off in other places and what feels like taking advantage financially

OP posts:
Thatnameistaken · 01/01/2021 06:55

Get him out. Don't let him leech life's blood out of you for another year. Your child will thank you for it

8obbingabout · 01/01/2021 07:08

Urgh sorry OP but he sounds awful. 2021, New Year and new start

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 01/01/2021 07:13

"Almost perfect"?

Christmasnamechange1234 · 01/01/2021 07:14

Gosh, OP. That sounds awful. He should be contributing.

stressedsloth · 01/01/2021 07:20

Try writing all of this out in a diary, even if it's just on your phone. You'll find you rarely have happy times and the fact you can cope on your own means you won't miss him when you tell him he needs to leave. He is a leech. He is bringing you all down.

You will be fine on your own and you'll meet somebody new when the time is right.

Sorry you're going through this.

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 01/01/2021 07:21

For your own sanity and that of your dd..... kick them out this morning. New year, new you. Take care of yourself op.

TwilightSkies · 01/01/2021 07:47

He’s sucking the life out of you and draining your finances. The situation is working out pretty damn nicely for him though!
Rid!!

2021mumma · 01/01/2021 08:00

He is offering you nothing in this relationship. The last thing you want is to be engaged to him. Tell him to step up it step out.

Blacktothepink · 01/01/2021 08:06

Tell him to fuck off...you’ll be so much better off without him!

justanotherneighinparadise · 01/01/2021 08:20

Get rid OP.

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/01/2021 08:21

Get rid! Divorce is easy to achieve when both parties want it and he must have the spare cash as he’s clearly living bill free with you. For the sake of you and your daughter, get rid!

willowmelangell · 01/01/2021 08:29

Hopefully your first conversation of the year begins, 'happy new year darling. I've been doing a financial detox and see you and your dc are costing me £500|(xyz) a month. I can't afford to keep you anymore and you need to make new arrangements.'

Start as you mean to go on!

SarahBellam · 01/01/2021 08:32

I bet he moved in with you as soon as he could, didn’t he? Childcare, meals, a warm bed, and all for free. He’s a waste of your time, energy, and money. Bin him.

happinessischocolate · 01/01/2021 08:43

For your dds sake please get him out. It must be awful to see another child keep destroying your toys. It sounds like you would both be much happier without him in your lives.

CupoTeap · 01/01/2021 08:44

It may not cost you any more but isn't one of the good things about moving in together that yours costs go down?

CupoTeap · 01/01/2021 08:46

Opps pressed post.

Glad you are seeing the light, now what are you going to do about it? You can't carry on like this.

nimbuscloud · 01/01/2021 08:47

If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for your daughter. Would you want to be living her life ??

Justcashnosweets · 01/01/2021 08:47

Life is far too short to waste on useless cocklodging men. Get rid of him, you and Dd will be much happier, and better off financially.

SeraphinaDombegh · 01/01/2021 08:51

He sounds like nothing but a drain on you. The good news is, as he's still married, and you aren't tied to him, that getting rid of him should be very straightforward. If I were you I wouldn't hesitate.

Biscusting · 01/01/2021 08:51

How do these situations even arise!? Too many threads on here with women compromising ridiculously for cock lodgers and the poor DC that have to tolerate parents shit life choices get dragged along for the ride.

NYNY211 · 01/01/2021 08:55

Where does he live OP? He pays all the bills on the ex’s family home. He is costing you and his 2 DC EOW.

He sounds like a waste.

Nomoresleeps · 01/01/2021 08:57

You must be mad! Sounds like you know that so what are you going to do?

Bananalanacake · 01/01/2021 09:06

He could at least replace the toys his DC break.

FourDecades · 01/01/2021 09:07

@tellietwotums - so where was he living before he moved in with you?

SofiaMichelle · 01/01/2021 09:12

@Biscusting

How do these situations even arise!? Too many threads on here with women compromising ridiculously for cock lodgers and the poor DC that have to tolerate parents shit life choices get dragged along for the ride.
This!

Poor dd being put at the back of the queue behind cocklodger and his dd.

It might see relatively innocuous but seeing her toys being vandalised by another child who isn't admonished for it will be absolutely trashing her self esteem and setting her up for being downtrodden herself.

Extract your dd, and yourself, from this situation!