where’s he gone???

[confused67]

So close to giving up on dating completely!!!!

I’ve been talking to a guy I met on hinge for about a month now. We hit it off instantly and have been chatting every day. More recently we started to FaceTime, chat all day, send pics of our days and what we were up to, and finding out we had lots in common. We had to wait 4 weeks until we met up for a walk and we were really excited to meet. We both made it clear we were looking for something and we both mentioned how well we clicked when we first FaceTimed. It was so exciting!

Finally on the weekend we got to meet for a walk. He was texting beforehand saying how excited he was. And for me the date was amazing!!!! We spoke for hours and hours, the conversation was flowing. He gave little hints about how he liked me and wanted to see me again, such as saying places he wants to take me for a date when things open again. He also mentioned bubbling together so we can see each other again. I’ve honestly never laughed so much as I did when I was with him.
At the end of the date, he said he had the best time and suggested seeing me Wednesday (so 3 days later) and seemed really keen. It ended really really well and he said he couldn’t wait to see me again.

Since then he’d been a bit quiet but he still seemed interested and said he was looking forward to Wednesday.
Last night (Tuesday) we had a FaceTime planned for the evening to watch a film but I heard nothing from him all afternoon/evening. This was really out of character for him, and he didn’t turn up for the scheduled FaceTime, but I wasn’t too bothered because I thought well at least I’m seeing him tomorrow.

Didn’t hear a peep until 12:30pm today, when I was meant to have already left to meet him, and he eventually sends a pretty blunt text basically saying he’s sorry but he’s going to have to postpone because he’s been up with the poorly dog all night and that he’s sorry to bail so late.

I replied and since then I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him which is really really odd and I don’t think this has ever happened since we started talking. I’m completely baffled and I have literally no idea where he’s gone or what’s happened? I really want to believe him but his attitude has completely changed and he’s never not texted me all day. He still indicated high interest after the date and honestly I’m really cut up about this and really upset. What on earth has happened and what do I do here??

I think the constant contact and making you feel good initially should always be seen as a red flag and you should avoid.

I read a quote the other day which is very true with dating - 'No response is a response'.

He has ended it with you albeit without telling you.

I once went on a date with a guy and we had good fun and got on really well. I wasn't physically attracted to him really - just not physically my type. However, I did kiss him at the end of the evening.

OH. MY. GOD.

I tried to tell him the next day that I wasn't interested. He sent me a barrage of texts TELLING ME that he KNEW I liked him because of how 'good' the kiss was. FFS. Blocked him. He started messaging me on the dating app again. Blocked him there. Then he found me on another dating app lol. Talk about fucking stalking me! He insisted on telling me what I was thinking lol. Don't be that guy.

Imagine telling someone that what they think? I think I know best what I think!!!

You can half like someone and get on well with them without them really being your type. I was also seeing other guys, one of whom I was very much into (and as luck would have it, he wasn't into me haha). It's just the dating game.

A pp advised having a few 'on the go'. Not exactly moral I suppose, but it's what I do too.

Ah sorry OP. I know that feeling well!

It's definitely true to try and be chatting to more than one man at any one time. I swore by it, as it stopped me getting too attached, and so if it cooled off I didn't feel like I was starting from scratch. I'm not saying it doesn't still hurt but it didn't affect me as much as the first time.

Additionally, as hard as it is during Covid Times; try to really limit the amount of communication prior to a meet up. I wouldn't embark on the level of texting/FaceTime chatting unless I definitely knew we were both really interested.

Get a load of initial messages sent out today, and capitalise on the hopefully fresh load of new year, new start members.

Why is everyone laying it in OP. We have all been there . She has the right to feel whichever way she wants whether they had one date or a hundred . OP , if sending a last text before deleting or blocking him will make you feel better do it and be over and done with it .

Some people seems to be taking their frustrations on you 🙄

It does matter that it was only one date because she got wayyyy too invested in basically a stranger. The first date is basically just seeing if you actually like the person irl. And no we haven’t “all been there” as I wouldn’t continue to text someone who had been ignoring me after one date

No frustration here. I'm an old hawk at the dating but have found a way to mitigate the disappointment that sometimes results when there isn't mutual interest. It's shit. Yes. We're offering our own experience I suppose.

@Givemeabreak88

It does matter that it was only one date because she got wayyyy too invested in basically a stranger. The first date is basically just seeing if you actually like the person irl. And no we haven’t “all been there” as I wouldn’t continue to text someone who had been ignoring me after one date

Get you miss perfect!

No need to yell at the OP. For those of us who haven’t been there...congrats! I have been there and yes I didn’t keep texting and calling, but I don’t think it’s right to be that harsh and judgemental on the OP.
It’s an experience, she will learn abs move on. For now it hurts badly, and it’s ok to come
On here to get some comfort. Being ghosted sucks and if you’re not strong enough, it messes with your confidence and the mindf*%k is on another level.
So please be kind to the OP. All she wanted was a relationship and she did what she thought was best to achieve that.

Thanks everyone 💛I think it was just particularly strange that he acted really keen at the end of the date (suggesting a day to meet and saying he had the best time) and even normal, non stop texting for 2 days AFTER the date, acting normal and telling me how he couldn’t wait to see me again.

He doesn’t seem to have blocked me on WhatsApp and he hasn’t been active on the one social media I have of him or unfollowed me yet. It’s a really really strange one that he literally went from 100 to absolute zilch. Especially because on the date he mentioned in passing that we were at the point now where there would be no bullshit and would be straight up about everything 😂 that went well!!!

Poor you. He sounds awful and I really feel for you. Unfortunately sometimes these things are never satisfactorily explained or resolved and you need to just let it go (easier said than done). Dont give up! There are good eggs out there but you just seem to have stumbled upon a rotter.

Oh and ignore the mean comments on here - so you sent three texts?! Who gives a shit? It couldn't matter less. X

Please stop checking to see if he's active or blocked you - delete him, move on babe

This is the problem with online dating, you hear a couple of good stories and the rest are awful. It's a bit like an open buffet where you have so many choice and you don't want to flood your plate with one choice! He's probably discarded you as he might have found someone else not that there's anything wrong with you. It's always a pet story or my mums had an accident I was so busy blah blah and the next minute you see them on social media becoming exclusive with someone else. I had so many of these and when it doesn't work out, they start texting you again. I think you should do the same with these men if you continue online dating. Speak to many, see many as possible until you find the decent one although a lot of people would say it's Covid stay at home. I'm sorry for your experience and I know how much consuming it could be when you rewind the whole event and what might have gone wrong or is he genuine.

Awww, thanks everyone! Reading the last few comments has made me feel a bit better. It’s one of those awful things where I keep wondering where I went wrong.
I have deleted his thread and his number now so feeling a bit lighter :)

Get dressed up and take a really hot new profile photo - if he checks he'll see what he missed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Definitely DONT take a new pic as suggested above as it will just make you look desperate! It's really crap and so difficult not to question it. Glad to see you've deleted his number. You will never know the reasons and would drive yourself crazy checking otherwise. He may have enjoyed the date but something changed his mind after or he may have not felt any connection, but didn't know how to bow out so kept it up for a couple of days longer acting keen until he just got fed up. There could be a lot of reasons! Hopefully you'll meet someone new who things will work out with!

You didn’t go wrong anywhere. X

Changing your profile pic when they are no longer speaking means nothing of the sort. For all he knows she's speaking to a new bloke 🤷🏻‍♀️

But your hoping by the op changing her pic to one of herself “dressed up” will get his attention 🤦‍♀️ He will also know that is why she’s done it and it screams desperation.

Been here and gone though nearly the same thing very recently OP and it really messed with me so I feel for you.

I never do the fade or crap excuse thing, I always tell people if something's going to happen or not, but I have NEVER, EVER had any guy give me the same courtesy. I'd rather "your breath was bad" that them dragging it out over days, but they never give a straight answer.

I think it's weird behaviour on their part but it seems to be quite normal for the people I've met and the stories I've read.

Good luck on your next hunt, there's definitely someone better out there! But this guy was just a waste of time please try not to waste any more time on him. (trying to take my own advice right now!)

Hi everyone,

Thanks all for the really helpful and insightful replies. Turns out I now have been blocked on the one social media platform I had him on, and I can’t really get my head around what happened and the massive turnaround. I’ve struggled to bite my tongue but haven’t said a word (I’m not blocked on WhatsApp). I don’t think I’ll ever understand what’s happened but onwards and upwards!! Thanks again guys Xx

He sounds like a strange man. You're so much better off without him x

Count yourself Lucky you found out this early on before you wasted time and effort on him.