where’s he gone???

[confused67]

So close to giving up on dating completely!!!!

I’ve been talking to a guy I met on hinge for about a month now. We hit it off instantly and have been chatting every day. More recently we started to FaceTime, chat all day, send pics of our days and what we were up to, and finding out we had lots in common. We had to wait 4 weeks until we met up for a walk and we were really excited to meet. We both made it clear we were looking for something and we both mentioned how well we clicked when we first FaceTimed. It was so exciting!

Finally on the weekend we got to meet for a walk. He was texting beforehand saying how excited he was. And for me the date was amazing!!!! We spoke for hours and hours, the conversation was flowing. He gave little hints about how he liked me and wanted to see me again, such as saying places he wants to take me for a date when things open again. He also mentioned bubbling together so we can see each other again. I’ve honestly never laughed so much as I did when I was with him.
At the end of the date, he said he had the best time and suggested seeing me Wednesday (so 3 days later) and seemed really keen. It ended really really well and he said he couldn’t wait to see me again.

Since then he’d been a bit quiet but he still seemed interested and said he was looking forward to Wednesday.
Last night (Tuesday) we had a FaceTime planned for the evening to watch a film but I heard nothing from him all afternoon/evening. This was really out of character for him, and he didn’t turn up for the scheduled FaceTime, but I wasn’t too bothered because I thought well at least I’m seeing him tomorrow.

Didn’t hear a peep until 12:30pm today, when I was meant to have already left to meet him, and he eventually sends a pretty blunt text basically saying he’s sorry but he’s going to have to postpone because he’s been up with the poorly dog all night and that he’s sorry to bail so late.

I replied and since then I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him which is really really odd and I don’t think this has ever happened since we started talking. I’m completely baffled and I have literally no idea where he’s gone or what’s happened? I really want to believe him but his attitude has completely changed and he’s never not texted me all day. He still indicated high interest after the date and honestly I’m really cut up about this and really upset. What on earth has happened and what do I do here??

@confused67 I had a very similar situation right at the beginning of the first lockdown. Matched with a guy, talked for ages (text, phone and video call) - even had a 5 hour first “date” on FaceTime which went incredibly well. He was super keen and did most of the initiating and I really thought I’d met someone great. We finally met up and had two “real life” dates, which I thought went well, but a week or so later his contact had dwindled to the point I was waiting days for a reply from him, receiving short answers etc. He blamed being busy with work for a while but eventually called it off with a crap excuse which I could see was a lie a mile off. I was hurt and disappointed (and pissed off) but swallowed my pride and cut him off completely. 8 months later, guess who’s now messaged me twice in the last few weeks asking how I am, apologising profusely for having treated me badly, saying I didn’t deserve it and that he isn’t proud of himself I’ve ignored all of it and feel all the better for keeping my dignity. It’s shit, but it happens. Keep your chin up and rise above it all

I suspect he has more than one woman he's stringing along, but it gets harder once you meet IRL.

Ugh. Poor you- what a tosspot. Look at this way, he's shown his true colours and therefore you've dodged a bullet. He wasn't the one...

Spend a bit of time picking yourself up, and move on.

And truly, his loss.

There's a book called, Have Him at Hello - where the author did 1,000 "exit interviews" with men who didn't ask the woman out on the 2nd date. It's eye-opening. And random. So so random.

It's shitty behaviour from him. Why can't dating be like years ago, if you're not interested you tell the person, none of this ghosting, lying, etc

Sometimes we have stronger feelings than the other person and think things are going well when in fact the other person isn't feeling it. It's unfortunate that he's too much of a coward to be honest with you, tbh you don't want a cowardly chicken shit in your legs.

*life... Not legs 😳😳😳😳😳😳

Hes a coward OP. It is cruel because you deserved the truth. It may be that an ex he loved just turned up or something, but a decent person would have told you rather than give you the dog sob story.

@Lipz - I think it works equally well either way!!! 🤣🤣
@confused67 You definitely need to delete his number so you don’t message him again. And have a day or 2 to be sad about it and then move on. You might never know what the issue is which is very annoying.

I don't think he's done much wrong tbh. They don't know each other. It's not ghosting, they only went out once.

He failed to turn up at the second date, only telling her after she'd already left.

That's a dick move.

Hi OP- guy here. My pets are v important to me, but I can tell you when pursuing a women I was interested in, contact would be maintained 100%. If he was fully mature about it, he would send a "sorry I'm no longer interested good luck" text.

You will learn from this. I was what I now know as ghosted several times when online dating. I think many are just scared of confrontation in any capacity. Even if they're not bad people as such, it gave me enough insight into their character that I'd know we'd not be compatible, thus alleviating any mental distress.

As said it's best to keep your options open so you don't feel like you've wasted time on one person.

Don't give up. There's good eggs out there.

@picklemewalnuts

He failed to turn up at the second date, only telling her after she'd already left.

That's a dick move.

The second date was a FaceTime date from home

Another one saying I don't think he's done much wrong here really - although I understand why you're disappointed. It's really difficult to actually say to someone ' we met and had a good time but now I've thought about it more, I actually don't want to spend more time with you and you're not my cup of tea.'

In an ideal world, we'd all be upfront and honest about this stuff. In reality, we go quiet and hope it'll just go away - that's human nature. So yes, he's been a bit cowardly but you're not in a relationship, this stuff is a hazard of online dating and the best thing you can do is delete his messages and his number and just hop back onto the horse. The next one could be better but even if it's not, it'll bring you closer to the one that is

thought I’d text happy new year as one last text yesterday to see what happens, and I actually can’t believe he hasn’t even replied to that haha! It’s actually really rude and it’s baffled me.
I spent the morning being really upset about it and now I’m ready to delete the chat, delete his number and move on :)

not sure why I have the urge to say something though.. I feel like I’m well within my rights to but also I want to be the dignified person?

You want to message him because you need the validation from him. Please stop messaging him. He will be absolutely loving your messages, all you are doing is massaging his ego. STOP!

Find your self respect, delete and block him.

Stop texting him!!!!

This has happened to me too and is so unbelievably infuriating.. you really need to stop texting though. It’s very likely that he is just one of those people who loves the fantasy of the chase but freaks out/finds fault when it starts to become a reality. Very, very much about him and not you OP. There are many of these people online and the key is to weed them out as quickly as possible, chalk it up to experience and move on.

Sounds like he has commitment phobia,,, It sounded a little too intense at the beginning for me. Just let it drop. If he comes back,blank him because it will likely go around the same circuit again ie approach >withdraw>approach>withdraw..

@confused67

not sure why I have the urge to say something though.. I feel like I’m well within my rights to but also I want to be the dignified person?

OMG stop there is nothing you can say to make yourself feel better and the more you text the more pathetic you will appear. Sorry but just stop. He's told you loud and clear that he's not interested.

Stop texting him! You are just making yourself feel shit whilst massaging his ego.
Online dating is brutal (trust me I’ve been there) delete him and move on (said in the kindest possible way)

Don’t text him anymore , he’ll just ignore you and you’ll end feeling like a crazed stalker , he might even tell you to leave him alone . The message is loud and clear he doesn’t want to talk anymore.
Get back on the horse and start looking at other people online to distract yourself. You’ll be looking forward to someone else’s texts soon . Just don’t get too invested until you’ve both had the exclusive conversation and agreed to come off dating sites. Even with my now husband , I had dates arranged with others in the early days ( which I told him about ) it actually motivated us both to come off the apps x

Op I mean this kindly, but he liked you over text and met in real life and maybe there was no spark for him. He should have been honest and not led you up the garden path.

I'm really sorry, but I expect the dog thing is an excuse. After all, it sounds like he was going a bit cold on you since having the date.
Fully agree with you on the need to be straight with people though. I honestly don't understand why that is so hard for some

Oh my god. Stop being baffled and stop texting him. He met you and he didn’t fancy you. It’s shit but there it is.
Next!