Dating/sex - while Christian

[ZebraSpotts]

I'd like to get back out there, but basically can't reconcile the two. Any other practicing Christians have any advice.

I'm 33, been 'single' a few years which has been good for me and now doing formalities of divorce this new year.

Can't ever see myself getting married again (was a traumatic experience in almost every regard, DV for many years, stolen from, cheated on and worse, etc etc ) ,
so by Christian values relegates me to being forever single 😭
But Id like the companionship, attention, sex, care, thoughtfulness of a new partner, feel like I'm still young and could be a great gf/long term partner too.

Thoughts? Basically got to give up my Christian values or give on idea of dating, right?

OP I wouldn't feel under any pressure right now to rush into anything. Trust in timing. I'm a practising catholic and quite frankly other denominations being lax about certain rules does not change my moral conscience.

@bestguesstimate actually don't mind dating someone with no faith or devoutly Christian. Guess I'd just hope either respected any boundaries I choose for myself, but I'm steadily going off the dating idea. There's a threadon this board and more on Instagram and dating scene online seems a minefield 😅

Quite happy to channel more energy and effort into myself atm, as opposed to a relationship, whether open to the idea or not, I'm happy with myself and life, soa relationship would be anice addition but not a desperate must-have :)

@TableFlowerss

Put it this way OP, I wouldn’t bother living my current life on the back of any faith that says, sex before marriage is forbidden. I’d take my chances and hope I was a ‘good enough’ person to still get in to heaven!

Live for the moment. You’re not hurting anyone. To add, to find someone that doesn’t believe in sex before marriage in this day and age will be quite difficult. It puts pressure on your relationship from the start.

If someone followed such religious views then with all due respect, marrying someone that’s been divorced wouldnt be encouraged.

Live your life as you please OP. There’s no promises of any type of afterlife so you may as well live the life you know for sure you do have right now.

Good luck finding Mr Right

If someone followed such religious views then with all due respect, marrying someone that’s been divorced wouldnt be encouraged.

(Un)Fortunately, adultery is valid reason within Christianity to her divorced. My ex already broke are marriage bond by cheating on me, so I'm free to get divorced and re-marry and still be good within those rules. Same as if someone's been married but widowed, I guess - it dissolves that marital bond.

It seems that you find sex outside of marriage sinful but divorce acceptable. I find this really hard to get my head around to be honest. The great commandment is love God and love your neighbour as yourself. Both those things. You need to learn to love yourself, exactly as you are, wonderfully made in His image. Sex does not define my relationship with Christ. It does not stop me being a Christian or a follower of Christ. I could write an essay on why the total aversion to sex is theologically and biblically flawed (actually, I have) but it would be too long for a forum and can't reconcile this for you. Study and read and I would suggest seeking out a Spiritual Director if you haven't already. Prayers with you.

@purbal it's not really my opinion on what I think is acceptable, it's rules written into scripture. Ones that describe fornicating as sinful and divorce as acceptable on the grounds of adultery.
The other thousand reasons he's a horrible person obviously add to why I'm divorcing him, getting cheated in multiple ways is the clincher that sets me right with God I guess. Sounds like you possibly already know the scriptural references towards rules on divorce I'm referring to.

Actually one of the things I've prayed about (pretty much to conclusion) is my marriage ending, I've zero guilt or doubt or shame surrounding formalising my divorce.
I say formalising my divorce, because I'm already very confident that between me The Almighty, it's accepted that marriage bond is already completely broken, my husband broke that through his actions and adulerty, and it's understood that my marriage no longer exists.

This is our third year separated. There's nothing between us, he doesn't even parent our kids, so it's increasing difficult to feel like we even have that connection (not seen much this year, a handful of hours and he barely interacted with them , was on his phone. Despite always being on his phone, he doesn't call them. I asked my eldest to call him on Christmas day to wish him a merry Christmas, and he was shortly cut off after being given an excuse about him not celebrating this year but will send gifts next Cmas - I digress)

So yes, while I've got questions and doubts about what form future relationships might take, divorce isn't part of that, I'm solid in my understanding there.
According to His word, I can and should dissolve my marriage formally, in a similar way that I established it formally.
It seems that you find....divorce acceptable. Yes, I can honestly say to Him, myself, anyone else who cares, wholeheartedly I can walk away from my ex and marriage to him with a clear conscience surrounding all of it.

Wood hill - here’s a shout out for the nerdy Christian men - I married one and he’s lovely. But I’m quite nerdy too (though slightly cooler than him).

I know a couple of women who have found it difficult with the gender ratio at church, but don’t rule out the quiet, introverted guys.

OP - it sounds like you are doing the right thing to divorce and leave your exDH. You are protecting yourself and your kids from DV and a bad relationship. All the best for you in 2021!

@Namenic

Wood hill - here’s a shout out for the nerdy Christian men - I married one and he’s lovely. But I’m quite nerdy too (though slightly cooler than him).

I know a couple of women who have found it difficult with the gender ratio at church, but don’t rule out the quiet, introverted guys.

That's great, and we are all different anyway but you got my drift😊

DH is fairly quiet

@Wanderlusto

Aren't there Christian dating websites you could try? Do you mean 'no sex before marriage' value wise?

Honestly as a christian myself I think that no matter what you believe and how strongly, there will always be aspects of your religion that you pick and choose from. I bet for example, you eat pork? (Assuming you aren't vegitarian).

I've always felt god would just want us to be true to ourselves and that if we think things through and do things as and when and IF they feel right for ourselves and others then that's what matters.

I don't think he would want you to be lonely.
But it matters what you believe about god and your personal relationship with him. Maybe pray on it :)

I think it’s important to differentiate that as a practising Christian you are enable to eat pork because the command to not eat it in the Old Testament was a ceremonial law that Jesus fulfilled when he died on the cross so it no longer applies, however no sex before marriage is a moral law which is applicable today (biblically) ❤️❤️