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Original poster

How often do you argue with your OH?

82 replies

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 27/12/2020 18:13

My OH and I have been together for two and a half years. We don't live together. We get on really well but every once in a while we have an argument. We probably have an argument every six weeks or so. Not a full blown one because we both choose to cool off and go back to it later when we can discuss it without arguing. I'm wondering if this is too often. They are usually minor things but I am very hot headed whereas OH doesn't like confrontation. This drives me even madder because I want to discuss stuff. I just wanted to get an idea whether expecting a relationship where you rarely argue is unrealistic.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/12/2020 18:27

My dh and I rarely argue. We’re on the same page for pretty much everything. Every 6 weeks seems way too often for me

goodwinter · 27/12/2020 18:31

Almost never. 6 years together. We occasionally have difficult conversations, framed in a "when you do X, it impacts me in Y way so I need you to Z please" way, but we've never shouted or actually fallen out.

Dontweallfeelthiswaysometimes · 27/12/2020 18:32

I asked DH this and he said, "I don't think we do really? About twice a year maybe one of us gets a little snippy with the other?"

Realistically it'll come down to 3 things

  • external stresses and problems, it's hard to always greet a small mistake or omission by the OH with oh well if you've had no sleep and everything is going wrong all the time
  • practice - it takes practice to learn to either bite your lip or take a deep breath or at least stop and apologize after snapping
  • essential shared values and habits - if you can't at least give the time of day to the way your OH sees things, if you don't respect them as a person, the relationship is probably not viable anyway.

But if you both respect each other and work as a team and have give and take long term, it's possible to learn to resolve differences in a civil way (like you would at work) .

I came from a family who weren't always very nice to each other so it took years for me to learn this, but it was really worthwhile.

Dontweallfeelthiswaysometimes · 27/12/2020 18:32

30+ years now...

MyNameForToday1980 · 27/12/2020 18:33

Almost never. We've been together for 10 years, married for 7.

Maybe once every 6 months one of us has a cross word with the other, I don't think we've had a full on argument since year 2 of our relationship.

category12 · 27/12/2020 18:35

What are you arguing about?

Rollingpiglet · 27/12/2020 18:36

Less than once a year here. Once every 6 weeks, so early in a relationship doesn't sound good!

CoffeeRunner · 27/12/2020 18:36

DH & I used to argue frequently. Maybe every couple of weeks.

At this point, we’ve been together for 24 years & have split up and got back together twice.

We no long argue. I think life & age has finally taught us what matters. This doesn’t mean we agree on everything- far from it. But we just don’t argue anymore.

Subeccoo · 27/12/2020 18:37

Literally never. We can have difficult conversations together and work on stuff, but we don't ever argue.
I don't find it weird. Unless you count stuff like I want a new TV, he thinks the one we've got is fine kind of stuff, then I can hand on heart say we just don't.
Every 6 weeks sounds exhausting, I'd always be on edge waiting for the next row.

Terracottasaur · 27/12/2020 18:43

We’ve never had an argument (together for around 10 years, married 5 of them). Every six weeks sounds like a lot and must be exhausting.

What kinds of things are you arguing about?

Bourbonbiccy · 27/12/2020 18:57

I think it's more important to see what is causing the at this point, every 6 weeks seems a lot, but what are the issues

JorisBonson · 27/12/2020 18:58

We've had the occasional bicker, but not one argument in 5 years.

SleepyRoo · 27/12/2020 19:03

Personally I think that sounds fine. If you need to discuss something tricky, and he's an "avoider", an argument is inevitable. It's how you resolve an argument that really matters.

Sertchgi123 · 27/12/2020 19:05

We have a serious argument about once every three or four years.

cherryberrylicious · 27/12/2020 19:06

Married 11 years...hardly ever. We disagree on things but talk it out amicably.

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 27/12/2020 19:39

Issues are usually due to the fact that I like to plan stuff in advance (are we staying at mine or his, when is he getting here? How many nights is he staying? Let's research X this weekend so we are ready for Y, etc) whereas he is very much a last-minute person. I fret if I don't have everything under control and he thinks it's unnecessary. And that annoys me quite a bit. We always resolve the issue amicably. I just don't like letting things go unaddressed.

OP posts:
missrks · 27/12/2020 19:45

Occasional bicker, or cross word, maybe once a year? however its nipped in the bud very quickly. Ex DP - all day every day. Was a nightmare.

Bleughbleughbleugh12 · 27/12/2020 19:46

Argue about every other month, bicker... all the bloody time!!!

Windmillwhirl · 27/12/2020 20:17

Very rare, thankfully. And never raised voices. Usually a differing of opinion and then agreeing to disagree after

TheDogsMother · 27/12/2020 20:23

Never argue, never raise voices. Very, very occasionally one of us might explain how the other's actions has made us upset but mostly we're on the same page on everything.

MrsOmelette · 28/12/2020 06:47

We don’t, there’s no need to? We talk about any issues, we know we live and care for each other so if there are annoyances they aren’t on purpose and can be calmly discussed or just accepted as no big deal as they really are minor.
Why do you escalate to an actual argument do you think? How do these arguments manifest? What was “normal” for you as a child? Is it bad habit do you think? Is there a need to get your own way? His own way?
Personally, I could not be in a relationship that was so wearying and dramatic, life is too short.

barnanabas · 28/12/2020 08:55

Together for 20+ years now. We had one really big, might-not-be-a-way-back argument in the first year of the relationship - actually it was about fairly similar stuff to what you're describing. Since then, brief cross words a couple of times a year or so, and maybe four or five proper upsetting arguments in total (concentrated in the three tiny children phase). None for best part of a decade now I think.

Rollingpiglet · 28/12/2020 08:58

You do sound very different to each other.

BeyondMyWits · 28/12/2020 09:04

Once (together 22years) , consisted of him swearing at me for being in the way, my retort of "I do not like being spoken to like that" followed by "sorry love, would you mind shifting your butt over there please" and fit of the giggles from us both, relieved the tension, but we both knew it could have escalated.

We do discuss things, and sometimes disagree, we are grown-ups, so that is allowed - but don't argue as we are generally on the same page for any big stuff.

ducktales1986 · 28/12/2020 09:12

I'm really surprised by everyone on here saying they never argue! I argue with my DH all the time, at least once a week, probably more. We've been together 15 years and married 8. Our relationship is good.