How often do you argue with your OH?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

My OH and I have been together for two and a half years. We don't live together. We get on really well but every once in a while we have an argument. We probably have an argument every six weeks or so. Not a full blown one because we both choose to cool off and go back to it later when we can discuss it without arguing. I'm wondering if this is too often. They are usually minor things but I am very hot headed whereas OH doesn't like confrontation. This drives me even madder because I want to discuss stuff. I just wanted to get an idea whether expecting a relationship where you rarely argue is unrealistic.

NYE: I would have to then put it to him as a fait accompli and it would make me sound unreasonable for just deciding for us both, I think.

You need to make sure your pets are looked after, so that needs to take priority over his feelings imo. They need care, therefore you need to stay at home - there's nothing wrong with asking him to make his plans around that, imo.

Food: I'm trying to be nice and get in stuff we both want to eat

I think this has the potential to work against you. If he wants certain foods, there's nothing stopping him going to the shops on the way over, or picking up and paying for a takeaway.

Tradespeople: he is one and is very handy generally so knows much better than me what questions to ask. I can certainly hold my own but he regularly asks questions I wouldn't have thought of (and often have no idea what they are talking about because it's too 'technical')

I think you need to stop relying on him here. It's your home so you need to be the one to make decisions and arrange appointments. Expecting him to arrange things around you making trade appointments is a bit unreasonable when you don't live together imo.

To me, it just sounds like these are really minor situations and they shouldn't really warrant any arguments at all.

Hardly ever and if we do is usually over something unimportant and is resolved very quickly.

I haven't rtft yet but I'm surprised by the number of people saying they don't argue.
We have little annoyances, we air them at the time, very occasionally it will turn into a humdinger. We never end up sleeping in separate rooms or anything like that.

The most important thing: Not a full blown one because we both choose to cool off and go back to it later when we can discuss it without arguing.
Congrats, you've learned how to handle a disagreement like adults and to treat each other with respect, and to take some space if you need it. Many couples never achieve this. Some prefer to simply avoid arguments altogether because they find this so hard.

If you argue repeatedly about the same stuff then you know what the issue is and can address it with empathetic communication and by trying to manage your emotions when it comes up (you said you're hot headed, so maybe you need to just learn to take a breath. I'm sure there's something he can also do to improve the situation but I just didn't pick that up yet from what I've read).

Good luck.

Have been arguing a lot more this year than previously (we don't live together). But it doesn't involve shouting or name calling. Probably every month or two. In my opinion it is a healthy relationship at least compared to my previous ones. I feel like we get closer and know each other better by doing this.

Last night we argued until 2am.

Rarely. I don’t think we do unless it’s caused by me getting massively p’d off by my MIL and taking it out on DH (wrong I know)... he doesn’t ever start a row about anything and we don’t really disagree on much. Might have the odd pissy moment with each other when tired but not an argument.

Ex DP, it was a big fight about once a month. Lots of other potential arguments that I backed down from or learned to diffuse. The stress led to huge blow ups when I couldn’t face being the one who always played peacemaker. Massive relief to be out of that.

Current DP, together 5 years and not one real argument. We disagree occasionally but discuss it like adults. Also we are both willing to compromise when needed. I didn’t even know relationships could work this way before I met him!