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Original poster

How would you react to this?

114 replies

Othering · 27/12/2020 08:41

Starting to discuss buying a property with my oh. Tentatively looking. Him very keen and said yesterday, come on, let's spend the afternoon on rightmove, which we did. I then said, shall we watch a film and he said no, let's watch grand designs. At the end of each episode, he said, let's watch another, so we ended up watching about 5 episodes. Unrelated argument kicked off later, him screaming at me. He went absolutely nuts about all kinds but amongst it all, he said that I'd made him look at houses and TV programmes and that he hadn't watched any football and fuck buying a house. He has previous for going absolutely spare, losing his temper from nowhere, so this isn't the first time but I think suffice to say, the house hunt is off.

OP posts:
Starlia · 27/12/2020 08:58

I'm sorry, what? He goes nuclear over a clause in a contract? Shock

StephenBelafonte · 27/12/2020 09:00

Brilliant news that you own your own home already. Now give him the boot and start the new year without living with an arsehole

Ragwort · 27/12/2020 09:01

I think this thread has shown you that you need to end this relationship, no one would speak to me like that.

And just sitting through five episodes of Grand Designs or any TV programme would be the death of any relationship for me.

Picture yourself living on your own, in your own house, choosing your own tv programmes and living exactly how you want to live - isn't that more appealing than being with some who screams and swears at you?

Lozzerbmc · 27/12/2020 09:03

Dont buy a house with this man who has anger issues by the sound of it.... he sounds a bit unhinged.

Original poster
Othering · 27/12/2020 09:05

@Starlia

I'm sorry, what? He goes nuclear over a clause in a contract? Shock
Well, he started because he said I was nit picking. He can start to seethe over anything really but typically if he feels challenged in any way and other things are bubbling in the background. So, at the moment it's not seeing family at Christmas, some financial concerns and other life pressures. Then it's like one wrong eye twitch from me and boom.
OP posts:
Original poster
Othering · 27/12/2020 09:07

@Ragwort

I think this thread has shown you that you need to end this relationship, no one would speak to me like that.

And just sitting through five episodes of Grand Designs or any TV programme would be the death of any relationship for me.

Picture yourself living on your own, in your own house, choosing your own tv programmes and living exactly how you want to live - isn't that more appealing than being with some who screams and swears at you?

We rarely watch TV. We just had a binge last night. Not that this particular detail matters but just for accuracy 😁. I do live on my own a lot of the time, as he often works away.
OP posts:
wellthatsunusual · 27/12/2020 09:08

Leaving aside the anger issues for a moment, I wouldn't be wanting to buy a house with someone who has financial worries either.

Wanderlusto · 27/12/2020 09:12

As pp said, it sounds like he engendered the whole argument. Either because he is a nutter who does not want to buy a house...or because he is a nutter who enjoys abusing you.

Either way, get shot of him.

Original poster
Othering · 27/12/2020 09:14

@wellthatsunusual

Leaving aside the anger issues for a moment, I wouldn't be wanting to buy a house with someone who has financial worries either.
There are different types of financial worries. He is not short of money.
OP posts:
chuffedasbuttons · 27/12/2020 09:21

Is he on drugs?
He sounds unhinged.

Starlia · 27/12/2020 09:23

I'm sorry, it sounds like you you are walking on eggshells which is a really exhausting and depressing way to live.
It's not fair on you to be worrying about how you might set him off. He is responsible for his actions, reactions and behaviour. Not you.
And I get stress. I really do. I get he is feeling stressed. It's still not an excuse to scream and swear at you. That is a total loss of control that is not acceptable in an adult. It's not your fault. It really isn't.

Cam2020 · 27/12/2020 09:29

Yep, fuck buying a house.

What is the cause of these outbreaks when they occur? Is there any backstory (e.g mental health, stress etc.) this can't be all there is to it. Does he feel undermined by you because you own a house already?

Fatarseflanagan09 · 27/12/2020 10:13

I can’t stand being shouted and screeched at, he’d be choking on my fist and I certainly wouldn’t buy a house with him because he’ll get worse.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 27/12/2020 10:14

Just because you’ve been together for 16 years doesn’t mean you need to spend the next 16 years with him. Or another 5 minutes.

Are you able to have a conversation with him about this? Or will he react just as badly? Dh and I snap at each other, might get overly upset everyone and then but we deal with it after, genuinely apologise and talk about what just happened - it make excuses or make the other one feel bad or guilty.

Original poster
Othering · 27/12/2020 10:17

@chuffedasbuttons

Is he on drugs? He sounds unhinged.
No.
OP posts:
Original poster
Othering · 27/12/2020 10:20

He never ever apologises. Ever. He comes from a family of men who see apologising as some kind of weakness. He's up and about now, walking round with a sulk on and saying I caused the argument.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 27/12/2020 10:20

I wouldn't want to spend my life someone like that. Flowers

Jenala · 27/12/2020 10:22

He sounds lovely.

C0NNIE · 27/12/2020 10:29

@wellthatsunusual

Yeah, I wouldn't be buying a house with him.

I couldn't even be in a relationship with someone who flies off the handle and misrepresents things.

This. Why are you still with him when he treats you like this ?

Do you want to leave and if so, how can we help you ?

lilylongjohn · 27/12/2020 10:34

You slept on the sofa in your own house!

He gaslights you by saying that you made him look at houses and watch Grand designs

He goes nuts during an argument (regardless of who or why that's still a massive over reaction)

He's now sulking

I don't give a shit if he is wonderful most of the time. I wouldn't buy a house with this abusive idiot and I wouldn't be in a relationship with him.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 27/12/2020 10:41

I'd be throwing him out. Today. You don't deserve any of that treatment, whether it's rare or every day. You don't deserve to sleep on the sofa for being right. You don't deserve to be a man's verbal punching bag just because he can't handle being wrong about something tiny.

GuyFawkesDay · 27/12/2020 10:48

God he sounds a nightmare.
Buy your own house, without him!

Motnight · 27/12/2020 10:56

GuyFawkesDay, she already has 🙄

Colourmeclear · 27/12/2020 11:02

I reacted to this kind of thing by internalising his anger and taking it out on myself. I became more and more resentful, I stopped speaking unless I was spoken to, I said yes to everything he said. I was dying inside day by day because I didn't have the energy to try and discuss things with him because every discussion had to be an argument. One day his rage went too far and he scared me into leaving but it was a painful couple of years getting the strength to think I'd had enough. It's never too late to consider what life could be without him.

underthebridger · 27/12/2020 12:01

If I said such a stupid thing I would expect to be ribbed mercilessly by all and sundry. Dont let him get away with it. Ask him how tenants survive the summer nights with all their radiators on full blast?