Views on lone porn in a relationship

[alwaysthinking88]

Literally that really. Just want to see what people think is acceptable not in a relationship.

I've been going through some issues in my marriage. Sex life great. He watches porn st ever opportunity he can when I'm not in/asleep etc.
I'm no prude, but I don't agree with porn.
What are tour opinions? I've read so many stories about men who watch porn are more likely to cheat, and some people who think porn is a form of cheating.
What's your view?

It’s up to you what your boundaries are in your own relationship. Some people are fine with it others are totally against it. I find it very hurtful and disrespectful and I wish it didn’t exist but that’s just me. A lot of the time men view porn in secret which when discovered causes lots of mistrust and insecurities An open an honest discussion is far better than hiding things

It’s completely up to everyone, everyone has their own boundaries. I’m against porn personally.

I wouldn't have an issue with the porn but the frequency is the concern. Occasional would be fine for me but all the time? No.

I'm asking because I've found out my husband does watches it pretty frequently. Our sex life is healthy. I told him I didn't like it, he said he'd stop but I found it again.

Have you seen the content of what his watching ? Maybe it’s something he is interested in which you don’t do as a couple. I think you need to have an honest chat together. He has already lied about it to you which I would find even more hurtful. As another said the frequency of it would worry me as many become addicted to it. I think if it was now and again when our sex life was going through a low point I could understand but not when you are having regular sex as a couple. You need to talk and find out why he finds the need to do this so much even when he is getting enough sex with you Hope your ok

I wouldn't be happy about it. I don't want my partner scrolling (for however long) choosing who he fancies having an orgasm to today that isn't me. 🤷‍♀️
It doesn't have a place in healthy sexuality for couples or single people.

It's complelty personal some people have no problem with porn some do so you can't really get balanced advice it's just up to you .

@Skyla2005
It's "normal" things. Nothing we don't do together so just really confused

Do you have children?

I have personal issues with it, but I think it's up to the individual couple to decide what suits them best. You shouldn't have to put up with it if it upsets you.

@BackwardsGoing
Yes, 1. A very easy going happy child who sleeps well so we have plenty of time at night together

Your boundaries are your boundaries. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s are. DP watches porn sometimes, I watch open sometimes, I don’t have a personal problem with it and I don’t think I’m more likely to cheat because I watch porn. You are allowed to feel it’s something you don’t want in your relationship if you don’t like it.

Ultimately though I think forbidding a partner from doing something is generally the beginning of the end for a relationship; and it’s unlikely he’ll actually stop watching it, just become more secretive.

Preferably there would be no porn in the world, realistically, that's not going to happen. So I tolerate it, but only as long as there aren't signs that it's affecting behaviour - porn type sexual requests, unsatisfying sex life etc. None of this should be tolerated whatever the reason.
Seeing perfect or younger bodies, that doesn't intimidate, because they are not real, and anyway, I've never dated someone who could match up to Hugh Jackman, but I don't expect my SO to be upset that they aren't as fit as him.

I think it's pretty grim, particularly when you have DC and life is, presumably busy. Do you think he has an addiction?

@ComtesseDeSpair

Ultimately though I think forbidding a partner from doing something is generally the beginning of the end for a relationship; and it’s unlikely he’ll actually stop watching it, just become more secretive.

Yes I agree. Many, probably most, men watch porn and as you say your sex life is great then there's probably nothing to worry about on a practical level. You cannot impose your ethical code on him, you can put your point of view of course but if he doesn't agree with you there's not much you can do.

There's a school, of thought, well represented on here, that porn is always bad news for a relationship as men inevitably find it easier to satisfy themselves that way. Whilst I'm sure that's true in some cases I don't think it's as widespread as some people believe. FWIW I find porn stimulates my desire in a general way, it certainly does not make me less likely to want sex with my DW.

@Anothernick
But this isn't forbidding him to go out with his friends, have a hobby, or other unreasonable and wrong controlling ways some people have (and shouldn't) in a relationship.
This is about him choosing to w*nk off over other woman. Isn't it like him inviting someone in to sit in the corner but not speak to him, and get himself off whilst he watches?
Your point and the point quoted is similar to making it seem like i "forbid" him from going out and cheating?
It's relationship morals, each to their own though

@Anothernick
And "there's not much I can do"
Yes, there is. I can choose not to be with him.

@BackwardsGoing
I'm not sure, I don't think so. I think it's been happening quite regular, but our sex life doesn't suffer. I feel my sex drive is higher than his, but maybe I'm wrong

I’m aware DP watches porn and I don’t mind at all. If he was watching it at ‘every opportunity’ I might be concerned. Is your DH stressed or depressed? People can use it as a crutch which becomes addictive/compulsive and habit-forming. Could he need support for this?

All men watch porn, and it’s incredibly naive to think otherwise.

Pornhub is the 8th most popular website on the planet, and XVideos is ranked 10th. Both rank higher than Amazon.com. Porn is simply a part of everyday life in the 21st century, so we have to accept that reality.

@SweetLoveOfCod
I've spoke to him to make sure he's ok etc, nothing seems to be on his mind.
I'm not sure if he has some sort of addiction or not. I went out for work a few works ago and forgot my keys. I came back literally 2 minutes later and he was on it

All men watch porn, and it’s incredibly naive to think otherwise.

Utter nonsense, this pops up on every thread about porn and it's never true. There are men who do not watch porn for a variety of reasons (as there are women).

@AgeLikeWine
We don't "have" to accept anything we don't like in relationships

@covidaintacrime
Completely agree, and for someone to say it's just something we have to accept is wrong