Views on lone porn in a relationship

[alwaysthinking88]

Literally that really. Just want to see what people think is acceptable not in a relationship.

I've been going through some issues in my marriage. Sex life great. He watches porn st ever opportunity he can when I'm not in/asleep etc.
I'm no prude, but I don't agree with porn.
What are tour opinions? I've read so many stories about men who watch porn are more likely to cheat, and some people who think porn is a form of cheating.
What's your view?

I don't have an issue with it ...

We don't "have" to accept anything we don't like in relationships

Well leave him then. He won't change, just become more secretive.

I'd much rather he was having 'fun' by himself watching porn than cheating.

Well leave him then. He won't change, just become more secretive.

That's also not necessarily true. He may choose to give up porn, or if he is addicted he may additionally choose to seek help.

I'd much rather he was having 'fun' by himself watching porn than cheating.

You don't have to pick one or another.

(sorry OP I'm responding to a lot, apologies for bulking up the thread)

@Mommabear20

I'd much rather he was having 'fun' by himself watching porn than cheating.

As someone has said, you don't need to chose one or the other.

My OH maintains he doesn't look at it, but I don't believe him for a couple of reasons.

Yes it bothers me. I'm not body confident for one thing, and I don't like the risk that men can get addicted to it and ruin the couple sex life.

I don't think it's often though. If I thought he was watching it often, or that it was affecting our sex life together, it would be a deal breaker for me.

He knows I don't like it.

I'm kind of a hypocrite though cause I sometimes watch videos of naked men , or lust during sex scenes in programmes or films. I try to avoid actual porn though. I'm sure he wouldn't like me doing that.

I've been in the relationship a long time, I'd say pick your battles. If you have a good sex life, maybe bring up what concerns you about it to him.

Everyone has different boundaries. Don't feel like you should have to put up with it if you don't want to.

It doesn’t bother me if my partner watches it Aslong as our sex life is good

There are def men who don’t watch it.

I think it’s grim personally.

This is such a tough question, and also everyone will have a different opinion.

I have no issue with my partner watching porn, HOWEVER, if he was choosing to watch porn instead of being with me I would not be happy. My ex watched porn continuously but also rejected me in bed every single time. This obviously then became a problem but more that it made me feel insecure and unattractive.

Also, like many things, porn can be addictive and if that's the problem then that's different.

I definitely think it’s a concern if he’s running straight upstairs to watch it as soon as you go out ! I would hate the thought of my dh waiting for me to go so he could go and watch filth but unless we have secret cameras none of us know what goes on when we are not there ! I think you need to talk to him about it and try and find out why and if he thinks it is an addiction. I also would worry because sometimes these things can go further into web cams etc and that would definitely be a no no for me. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart about it but if his only going to lie and just be more sneaky about it then I guess you have to decide if it’s worth ending your marriage over. I hope you can resolve this op

Men didn’t have porn to watch a hundred years ago and they survived. Full on ban I say although you might need to up your game to make up for it

@BubblyBarbara
My game is as up as anyone could wish for, agree with the first bit though

I dont like porn but i think these days porn so much worse. Mens expectations become unrealistic, they can suffer ED as normal sex not exciting enough and become rather unpassionate and mechanical!

I don't think I could be with a man who had any more than a passing interest, preferably none. I've been with DH over 20 years and am not naive enough to think he's never seen any but I know what floats his boat and from that I know porn just wouldn't do it for him. Our sex life is wonderful and completely un-pornified if that makes sense, I'm pretty sure I would know instantly if he suddenly started watching and bringing it into our bedroom. We've never really discussed it but he's generally respectful of women and particularly sexually respectful of me so it's not something I've ever really had to consider with him. I did have a ltr in my very early 20's with someone I now realise was fairly porn-addled though (albeit the old fashioned mags and videos rather than internet porn) and he was hugely disrespectful towards women and turned out to be sexually abusive so it's not something I want in my relationship.

I have no issues with porn, but 'at every opportunity' sounds a bit intense. It becomes an issue if it's getting in the way of normal life things, like all the stuff he should be doing when you aren't around.

OP, I have an identical situation, most days and the minute I’m out the door. I’ve known for 4 years, he doesnt know I know and in plucking up courage to say something because I am going to have to admit to having kept the child locks on the router- but have blocked nothing. I have casually asked several times when the subject came up in general conversation and he lied each time and to the lady above, my H said it did nothing for him, is respectful towards women and it had never crossed my mind to be honest - you are quite right to say what you did with regard to the ‘there’s not much you can do about it’ - there is, you can say sod off- but in my opinion if you do that be prepared to be happy on your own because it seems absolutely ingrained Into most men these days- of all ages.

@yetmorecrap
I think I'd be happier on my own honestly.
What do you mean about the router? I have a child lock our wifi, but he would just turn the wifi off on his phone and go through his phone Internet.
How do you feel having had to deal with it for so long?

@Weirdfan
I feel our sex life can be a bit "pornified" from his side. Like I say I'm no prude, but I just don't want to have to think he's knocking one out to porn and other women every time my backs turned

You can block porn on the router, we have. But you can easily in block it for half an hour or so if you want to watch it,, it just use your phone signal.

He sounds addicted tbh. But the whole situation is just grim. The "all men watch porn" brigade will be out but it's not true. There seems to be a particular generation/subset of women that think watching porn is as harmless as playing candy crush.

You only live once. Live with someone who makes you happy.

@HJ372

I wouldn't be happy about it. I don't want my partner scrolling (for however long) choosing who he fancies having an orgasm to today that isn't me. 🤷‍♀️ It doesn't have a place in healthy sexuality for couples or single people.

Me & my partner both watch porn alone & and together & we have a very healthy sex life.

@DrDreReturns
Porn is blocked from our router as I have a child, but like I say it's only a quick turn off the wifi on his phone and he will access it through his 4g
He's told me before he has put a content lock on his phone. I'm also aware this can be taken off quickly by one click or a bank card

You can ditch your partner at any time for any reason, so in a way I don't understand the question.

What do my views have to do with your relationship? I have no issue with porn, I have no issue with partners that consume it. But that doesn't get you anywhere. If you have an issue with it, probably dump him because he'll just hide it or be miserable.

I have no idea what % of men or women watch it, but why should I care, it's a very personal thing.

Me, I couldn't be with someone who had fishing as a hobby, but it's just not relevant.

You can ditch your partner at any time for any reason

You can but it might not be a decent thing to do in many situations.