Views on lone porn in a relationship

[alwaysthinking88]

Literally that really. Just want to see what people think is acceptable not in a relationship.

I've been going through some issues in my marriage. Sex life great. He watches porn st ever opportunity he can when I'm not in/asleep etc.
I'm no prude, but I don't agree with porn.
What are tour opinions? I've read so many stories about men who watch porn are more likely to cheat, and some people who think porn is a form of cheating.
What's your view?

I mean yeah you can make it known you won't tolerate it. But then you have to accept that most likely you'll either stay single or your partner will lie and tell you what you want to hear. Now of course a load of posters will come and say "oh but MY husband definitely doesn't watch it". I dunno, maybe they've got one of those unicorn men that genuinely doesn't. But statistically speaking it's very likely that at least some of these men who say they don't are lying. The visitor numbers speak for themselves.

We all have different wants, needs and boundaries. As an example OP, I would not personally believe this to be true of most people (which is not to say I'm suggesting it isn't true for you):

"Maybe I'm old fashioned relationship wise (but as I say, certainly no prude) but he's enough for me. I aren't interested in anything else to get me off, porn or imagining random men I know, no, he's enough"

To your original post though, my bigger problem would be the 'every opportunity'. Only you know what that means, but if it's encroaching on your daily life then that's a problem.

@BuggersMuddle
Sorry do you mean a lot of people don't think the way I do regarding not needing anything else?

@covidaintacrime

It's just part of life now and women who think their man doesn't watch it are massively kidding themselves.

Why do people keep saying this? Sure you can't dictate what your partner does, but you can make your boundaries known and they can choose what they'd like to do after understanding them. I hate this idea that you should just silently put up with things you don't like because "it's just a part of life" or "all men watch it" (which isn't even true).

Exactly the way of thinking I can't stand. And SO many people on here think if you don't like it you've got to put up and shut up

How often is he watching it? DH and I watch the odd porn film together - not frequently but every so often. I wouldn’t mind if he was watching it on his own, as long as he was open about it.
Is it the porn, the masturbation or both that you object to? What does he say about it?

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

How often is he watching it? DH and I watch the odd porn film together - not frequently but every so often. I wouldn’t mind if he was watching it on his own, as long as he was open about it. Is it the porn, the masturbation or both that you object to? What does he say about it?

From what I've seen, one week was 5 days out of 7. Don't object to masturbating at all that would be wrong of me but it's the porn that's an issue. I know everyone feels different but I honestly feel like it's a form of cheating and it's hurting me

Have you told him that - as clearly as you said it here? What did he say?

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

Have you told him that - as clearly as you said it here? What did he say?

Yes I've told him, he said he'd stop but I found it again. He did it once again when I left the house to cool a row down and I was really upset. Came back walked passed the window he was wanking off to his phone

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong
Again though it's at every opportunity even when I leave the house upset after a row it's the first thing he chooses to do

Seems like he is doing it to provoke you - when he knows it upsets you, when you could come in at any moment and in full view (presumably where other people could see him?)
Personally this would be the end for me - porn and wanking I could live with but the disrespect would be a step too far.

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

Seems like he is doing it to provoke you - when he knows it upsets you, when you could come in at any moment and in full view (presumably where other people could see him?) Personally this would be the end for me - porn and wanking I could live with but the disrespect would be a step too far.

Ive questioned his respect for me several times for different reasons.

"Exactly the way of thinking I can't stand. And SO many people on here think if you don't like it you've got to put up and shut up"

Well you did ask for opinions, sorry you didn't like mine.
You don't have to put up and shut up, you can end a relationship for any reason...he obviously doesn't want to stop watching porn so if it's a dealbreaker for you then end it, rather than trying to police his behaviour.

I don't really get how this issue even crops up...like how do people know their partner watches porn, do you spy on his internet history? Or does he tell you?
I have no idea if or when my DH watches porn or masturbates these days...I assume so, but if he does he's pretty subtle about it. Personally I don't class it as cheating so I've not felt the need to ask, and he doesn't ask me what I do when I'm alone either.

@AgeLikeWine

All men watch porn, and it’s incredibly naive to think otherwise.

Pornhub is the 8th most popular website on the planet, and XVideos is ranked 10th. Both rank higher than Amazon.com. Porn is simply a part of everyday life in the 21st century, so we have to accept that reality.

Why do you think that?

I don't mind DP watching porn, so long as it doesn't affect our relationship.

If it a) stopped him wanting sex with me or b) stopped him wanting to spend time with me, I would have a problem.

@ChochoCrazyCat

"Exactly the way of thinking I can't stand. And SO many people on here think if you don't like it you've got to put up and shut up"

Well you did ask for opinions, sorry you didn't like mine.
You don't have to put up and shut up, you can end a relationship for any reason...he obviously doesn't want to stop watching porn so if it's a dealbreaker for you then end it, rather than trying to police his behaviour.

I don't really get how this issue even crops up...like how do people know their partner watches porn, do you spy on his internet history? Or does he tell you?
I have no idea if or when my DH watches porn or masturbates these days...I assume so, but if he does he's pretty subtle about it. Personally I don't class it as cheating so I've not felt the need to ask, and he doesn't ask me what I do when I'm alone either.

No I don't "police" his internet history. I've walked in on this several times

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

How often is he watching it? DH and I watch the odd porn film together - not frequently but every so often. I wouldn’t mind if he was watching it on his own, as long as he was open about it. Is it the porn, the masturbation or both that you object to? What does he say about it?

Same. Wouldn't bother me at all.
But everyone's boundaries are different ...

he said he'd stop but I found it again

I think this is more the issue, tbh. He's lying to you about where he's getting his sexual kicks. I'm not surprised you feel cheated on.

What else has he lied to you about? Oh - you wouldn't know, would you. That's the issue.

When you say you've questioned his respect for you before, what's stopped you from leaving him? You sound like you talk a good boundary, but perhaps are having trouble following through?

@Eckhart

he said he'd stop but I found it again

I think this is more the issue, tbh. He's lying to you about where he's getting his sexual kicks. I'm not surprised you feel cheated on.

What else has he lied to you about? Oh - you wouldn't know, would you. That's the issue.

When you say you've questioned his respect for you before, what's stopped you from leaving him? You sound like you talk a good boundary, but perhaps are having trouble following through?

There's been a lot of times in our relationship where pretty serious relationship things have happened to the point I've had to say if such and such happens again I won't be able to get past it. It's usually happened again and I've stayed. I think I'm a bit of a pushover but the porn issue is really hurting me but is he keeping on doing it because he knows or thinks I will just still stay

I've had to say if such and such happens again I won't be able to get past it. It's usually happened again and I've stayed

It looks like perhaps you have not got past these violations of your boundaries (including and perhaps especially the porn one), but 'not getting past' them hasn't meant leaving him.

Have you got lots of good reasons to stay with him? Does he make you feel wonderful for the majority of the time? Have you any history of being a 'push over' or abusive relationships?

(I was only quoting you with 'push over', it's not something I would normally say to someone I didn't know)

My DH watches porn sometimes and I’m very OK with this. He discusses it openly with me and I don’t think it means he’s more likely to cheat. It doesn’t affect our own sex life together which is very very good. But if you have a problem with it then it’s not ok.

I've questioned his respect for me several times for different reasons

The mask has slipped a few times then....I really don't think you know this man well even though you're married if that makes sense?