Photos - Please be gentle with me

[Pollypocket89]

Hi

Please be gentle with me.

Is there any innocent reason your dh would be looking at photos of another woman he knows (work together) on social media?

It's possible OP that the friend does not want him back (or want to split a family up) and so he's pining after her as opposed to obsessing - she probably has no idea how he's feeling, I would suggest they've already had that conversation and she knocked him back, hence his sadness looking at photos of them together and the fact you think she's a nice person. She isn't interested and he can't seem to let go.
Is it possible to sit and talk to him without the convo turning into an argument? Is it possible to ask him if he seriously thinks being vacant in your life-partnership is healthy going forward? Have you asked him if he's happy to stay in the relationship?
It's clear you can't make an ultimatum for yourself so it's time you gave one to him - he either 'gets over' this woman and moves on, or 'he' decides what's best for all of you - as you can't seem to decide this for yourself (which I understand, we've all got different strengths).
Getting you pregnant 'keeps you busy' and 'out of his way' for a while - does that make sense?
You both need to lay your cards on the table, you need to tell him you both need to be honest with eachother, without arguing as there's simply no point in carrying on like this - you should both know what eachother is feeling, as this is a partnership.
Either way OP, you need to know so you can move on past this once and for all - you never know, you might come out of this stronger and together ?

^^ Just to add also OP, he's looking at photos of her, not having conversations with her, so I'm pretty certain he's pining after something he can't have, simply because she doesn't want it.

@Pollypocket89

Because I love him. And I want our life together, that's why I'm still here. I adore him

I don't necessarily mean the baby, I mean why would he actively get me pregnant if you love someone else. I can't get my head around that at all

I'm sorry, but you adoring him isn't enough.

He clearly doesn't adore you. Find some self-worth and realise you don't need to be treated badly and being miserable every day is no way to live.

And think - what's loveable? What's to adore? A decent man doesn't treat his wife this way

@Thewiseoneincognito

She’s prob carrying his other child🙄

Wow! What a spiteful, unhelpful thing to say!

Based on absolutely nothing!

@Pollypocket89

I don't mean to sound like I'm arguing with pp as I'm really not, I'm just trying to come to some sort of understanding

What I'm saying is, if he wanted her and she even might be an option, why would you do that to her either? Surely that just suggests you're more commited to me and our family at least? A child that existed before he met her is different to one being made during, or have I just lost it completely?

Hey In my experience men don't think like us or think things through. In fact some of them can be quite selfish and cold . I don't think your boundaries are healthy here in regards to her ... it is what it is . You do not need to put up with this nor do you deserve it . Stop rationalising his deplorable behaviour he's a fucking asshole . You start minding yourself I'd put him out if I were you , you need space to see this situation for what it is xx

Because I love him. And I want our life together, that's why I'm still here. I adore him

The only life with him that is on offer is this one. Where you both know about his feelings for the OW and you both ignore them. A baby won’t change that. He may well be happy there’s a new baby. He probably still has feelings for you. But he’s 60% out of the door; and you both know it.

The reason he’s not done anything is the same reason you haven’t. He’s got feelings for someone else. You know your husband has feelings for someone else. Neither of you have done anything because it’s scary. It’s much easier to stick with what you know, even if it’s rubbish, even if it’s not what you want. You’re doing it. You’ve been doing it for months.

The only thing that you can control here is your reaction. So is 60% in enough for you? Can you accept this, like you have been, or is it tearing you apart? Because it feels a lot like the latter.

People who think that babies are a fresh start... i just don't get that. Babies are the absolute worst for even the healthiest of relationships. And considering your thread and previous ones...you are not in a healthy relationship. And it is just a matter of time before it falls down like a deck of cards. He is infatuated with her. And there has been issues about her before. Where there is smoke. ..

Why would we have another baby again and again.
What on earth are you doing with your life? Why are you so passive and just letting things happen around you. Get a grip.

Shut this shit down immediately or it isn’t going to end well, as men don’t know when to stop and then end up going too far. Trust me. I made my partner very aware that I was aware of a woman he worked with. Still didn’t stop him sending her naked pics when he worked away for a week. Men are fucking stupid.